Kirk in Space

90 year old William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, went to space today. He went on a Blue Origin rocket, aka Amazon. He is the oldest human ever to go to space. Fitting that it’s the cat who commanded the ship that took us to the final frontier.

When I heard that he was going today I was a little nervous. I was afraid he might get lost and I started wondering if he should have brought George Takei with him.

Yeah… that’s a Star Trek joke. I mean, come on. It’s the single most obvious attempt at humor in the history of the English language, or at least in the history of Western Civilization since Star Trek the original series was on the air. If you don’t get it, Takei played the guy who drove Shatner’s ship. Get it now?

Okay.

What a friggin’ day.

Good on you, Bill. I just hope Bezos paid for your ticket.

Compensating

I know that Jeff Bezos is overcompensating for something but I can’t quite put my finger on what that might be…

Image came from here

What is Jeff Bezos compensating for? I can’t quite figure it out.

The Apple Watch Jouney Concludes?

Our good friends at Federal Express dropped off a package today. It contained a shiny new series five Apple Watch to replace my shiny old series five Apple Watch. As I type this it is loading a backup file and pairing to my iPhone. I should have had a restore file from last week but the most recent one it offered me was from New Year’s Eve, four months ago. What’s up with that?

The battery was at about 60% when I took it out of the box. It’s on the charger now and it looks like it’s working. If the battery is in fact charging, then this should be the end of my Apple Watch journey. The pocket watch journey is still waiting on Amazon to bring me batteries. Tomorrow, I think.

Shipping Blues

There are three Christmas packages that haven’t been delivered yet. At lunch today I took a minute to check their status. Let the laughter and the tears commence.

Package #1 was ordered from a popular brick and mortar store’s website. The order was placed on 12/10. I received a ship notice two days ago. Prior to that, the estimated delivery date was 12/24. When the shipping notice came the date was changed to 12/22. That’s today. The order page currently still shows the estimated delivery date of 12/22, but when I look up the tracking number on the carrier’s website…

They haven’t received the package yet.

Package #2 was more of a last minute thing. I ordered it on 12/16, figuring if it arrived on time that would be great, but if not it’s not the end of the world. This order was placed with the manufacturer’s website. When I check my account, the order page states that the estimated delivery date is 12/22. What a coincidence! When I look up the tracking number on the carrier’s website (a different carrier than package #1) it says…

The estimated delivery date is 12/28.

Package #3 was ordered very early, on 12/7. It includes one Christmas gift and two unrelated, non-Christmas items. The order was placed with the big guy: Amazon. The package shipped on 12/8. Good customer service right there, eh? The estimated delivery date was 12/10. It hasn’t arrived. What does the tracking page say?

It could be lost. I called and got a refund.

It’s a Covid Christmas after all. HoHoHo

How’s Your Monday?

I had to leave this message for any delivery folks who, when given the choice between the door that has an awning and the door that doesn’t, choose to use the door that doesn’t during the torrential down pour. One package ruined and counting.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 64, aka The Perfect Delivery Storm

I just survived a perfect storm of deliveries. George Clooney was there and everything. It was crazy.

First, a package delivery service. I don’t know which one. The two packages came from Amazon, so was it an Amazon truck? No clue. What I do know is that the delivery professional leaned the two boxes against my door.

Let me type that out again in case you missed it. He/she/they leaned the packages against my door.

How, dear delivery professional, am I supposed to go outside and get the delivery if I cannot open the door because you leaned the friggin packages against the door?

Prior to my finding out about the first delivery, Instacart came by and dropped off some groceries. They did not block the door, because the door was already blocked. There is a little porch outside of our front door that has three steps leading up to it. They placed the groceries on the first step. They completely covered the whole step.

That sounds worse than it was. If someone who has a physical issue and can’t walk well came to our house they might have trouble, but for a reasonably healthy person, walking over the first step should be doable. It’s not ideal, but it’s not as bad as leaning the boxes against the door.

When we received the notification that instacart had been delivered, I went out to get it. That’s when I noticed that I could not open the friggin door because of the first delivery. Have I hammered home how obnoxious it is for a delivery person to block the door with the delivery? If I haven’t, it’s friggin obnoxious. Anyway, I looked out the window in our door to see why I couldn’t open the door, and that was when the perfect storm was completed. The mailman was two houses down the street, and heading our way.

Our mailbox is next to the door, at the top of the three steps. If the mailman arrived he’d have to step over the groceries. Shit. I can’t ask the mailman to do that, can I?

I forced the door open. I had to push the boxes aside and then swing my foot through the small opening and kick the boxes further away. Once I was able to squeeze out I grabbed the two boxes and threw them into the house (not literally, I placed them inside the door) and then jumped over the groceries and cleared a path. I got back in the house just in time to avoid Covid contact with the mail carrier. I did see that he was wearing a mask, which made me happy.

A minute or two later I had all of the groceries inside and put away. The boxes are in our little package staging area waiting for me to open them up later.

Please… if you’re delivering stuff… don’t block the door. Don’t block the steps either, but more important, don’t block the damn door.