We just got off the phone with my father’s case manager at the rehab. He’s scheduled to be discharged Friday afternoon. I’ll be at the house, and my brother will pick him up so we’ll both be there to help him get up the stairs.
I should be happy about this news, and I most definitely am, but somehow I am more freaked out and nervous than I was when all of this started.
You know you’re close to the border when the Canadian flag starts popping up at random places.
Look kids, scenery!
We were stopped someplace and I saw this and liked the look of the field for some reason and I wonder what’s under that little bump. A bomb shelter? A meth lab? A Hobbit Hole?
See the school bus? I don’t know what was going on, but I saw privately owned school buses all over the place. It felt like The Partridge Family or something.
You’re going to have to seriously tax your memory for this one… when was the last time you saw a gas pump without a card reader?
And finally…..
Bellana is all moved in. Her dad is bringing a few things up next weekend, but for now she’s there and most of her stuff is there and her roommates are there and everything is good. She has a new apartment, now she needs to transform it into a home.
Jen and I left Burlington around 4:00pm, maybe more like 5:00? I’m not sure. We chose to take the scenic route home which somehow led us to NH route 9 which is so winding that I’m sure we drove in a spiral at least twice, and it’s so badly lit (just some reflectors on one side and some reflective yellow paint) that I’m positive we were underground for at least 15 of the 40 miles.
We are home now. We are exhausted, proud, excited to see what comes next, but still a smidge sad.
Congratulations, Bellana.
Now it’s time to shift our focus to Harry who is graduating from high school in less than two weeks. I’m so proud I might pop like an over-proud balloon!
The plan for today is for Jen and Bellana to leave first in Bellana’s car, and then I leave about an hour or so later in my car. They have stuff on the roof and are planning on driving slow. If I leave an hour later there’s a good chance I will pass them. I kinda don’t want to do that. I want Bellana to be there when I get there.
The cars were mostly packed last night. This morning we packed up the last few things, clothes and pillows and stuff she was using last night, and just a few minutes ago they pulled out of the driveway.
I am forcing myself to remember that I am only focusing on the happy thoughts today, and not letting the empty nest-ish blues take over. That’s my personal plan at least… and it’s already proving to be very difficult.
No… this is a good day. This is a good experience. She is happy, so I am happy. This is a good thing.
Today has been the last day before Bellana moves into her own apartment. Allow me to let nine year old Bellana demonstrate how I feel:
Now allow me to let nine year old Bellana demonstrate how she feels:
We are packing up the cars for the move tomorrow. I am happy for her and sad as fuck for me and Jen. The happy definitely outweighs the sad though and I am choosing to ignore the sad until Wednesday at the earliest.
Is everyone psyched up for the Bruins game #2 with the Islanders tonight? The NHL iOS app says that game time is 7:30pm so… 7:50ish maybe? I’m not sure how much, if any, of the game I’m going to be able to catch tonight, but guaranteed I’ll be keeping an eye on things.
I’m wearing one of my Bruins t-shirts. I wore it on the last two game days (yes, I washed it, sheesh) and they won both games. I’m not sure if that qualifies it as a “good luck shirt” but I ain’t taking any chances. I also haven’t shaved since before game five of the first round series. I don’t know if the idea of a playoff beard being good luck extends beyond the locker room, but why take the chance? Granted, there is no way in hell that I’ll keep the fascial hair as far out as game three. It’s doubtful that I’ll shave first thing in the morning tomorrow, but it’s also very likely that I will shave at some point tomorrow. The itchy… it’s just starting to drive me nuts. I’ll fight the urge tonight, purely in the interest of hanging on to the home ice advantage, but after that the team is very much on its own.
The plan tonight is to get out of Mom’s and get home as fast as humanly possible, thought I may not have enough gas to get there. We’ll have to see. Then once I am home we spark up the grill and sneak a Memorial Day cookout in at the last minute. Sunset is 8:15 and I don’t think it’s raining anymore. After that it’s time to start loading up the Mazda for the drive up and over to Vermont tomorrow. Tentatively, Jen will go up with Bellana in Bellana’s car, and I will follow by myself. Once we’re up there and the car is unloaded, we’ll head over to Target (the nearest big store) and pick up some last minute apartment supplies. When that’s all set Jen and I will head home together and I will see my depression level increase from “alarmingly depressed” to “fuck it, I’m not getting out of bed depressed.”
Go back to all of my posts from August 2019. Bellana going away to college messed me up. This is effectively the same scenario, but for some reason it is soooo much worse this time. I think part of it is just the word “apartment.” It’s an “apartment” instead of a “dorm room” and that makes a world of difference. The other part is that August 2019 will be literally repeated in August 2021 when Harry goes away to school. That’s not a partially empty nest, that’s the full boat.
Don’t get me wrong, I am prouder of both of them than I could ever express. I love them so much. I can’t imagine any parent loving their kids as much as I love my step kids, mostly because I love them so much I feel like I could explode and I can’t fathom someone actually surviving while feeling something more than that. I want the best for them, I want them to have it all, I want them to succeed, I want them to have the time of their lives in the prime of their lives. There’s just a part of me that selfishly wants them to stay home with us forever, that’s all.
Okay, calm down. It’s going to be okay, Rob. It’s going to be all right. Let’s just distract ourselves from the near future by watching the Red Sox. They are losing 4-0 to the Astros. Hey look, both teams that cheated their way to a recent world series are playing each other. Hardy har har. If the Red Sox lose today, does that mean that cosmically there is space available for the Bruins to win? The universe is so screwy.
Things have been pretty quiet here on Nana Sitting duty. She had a good night last night. Today started out all right, had a bit of a pain hiccup, but has since calmed down again. Fingers crossed for a quiet day.
I watched Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead last night. Eh. Not terrible. Kinda dumb, but not unenjoyable. I actually started it last night and finished it this morning. Every time I put it on my mother would come into the room and I’d pause it to avoid questions of gore. I was watching on my laptop with AirPods in, but I didn’t want to risk grossing her out. When I was 18 I probably would have just let it go. I guess I’m more mature now.
Speaking of mature, the 50 year old red head mixed a song. How grown up of me!
Have I mentioned my beloved wife bought me a new Les Paul for my birthday? Have I mentioned that all of the guitars on this song are that new Les Paul? Have I mentioned that I love my new birthday Les Paul? Not as much as I love my wife, but that gitter is sah-weeeet.
I’m not sure if I am going to submit this one to the RPM site for the Record Every Month thingie. I have three. This one, the last one I posted, and one more that isn’t mixed yet. I haven’t decided which one sucks the least.
Tomorrow night was supposed to be my next Nana Sitting night, but my brother and I swapped so I could go to Vermont on Tuesday and he could go to his daughter’s soccer games near the Cape tomorrow. I got here about 6:40 and my mother was asleep. My sister woke her up to say goodbye and she immediately fell back to sleep. She woke up as I was walking into her room to give her the 8:00pm meds. She’s heating up some leftovers for dinner now. I have a feeling it’s going to be a late night, but hopefully it’s a late night with manageable pain levels. Fingers crossed.
I watched the third period of the Lightning/Hurricanes game. As expected, Tampa Bay won. The Avalanche/Golden Knights game just started and the Avs are already up 1-0. As expected.
We had a very nice low key anniversary today. We went to a bakery in Windham that the kids clued us in to and picked up our anniversary cake. Then we just went for a drive. It was lovely. It dawned on me that as I am now 50 years old, driving around to nowhere on a Sunday morning officially makes me a “Sunday Driver”. I joked about trying to find a Bennigans or a Waffle House and Jen joked back that we should go to Cracker Barrel. Getting old sucks, but if you can’t crack wise at your own expense, what good is it?
The Avalanche just scored again. 2-0, halfway through the first.
When we got home the kids came over for an hour or so. We ate the fantastic cake and just spent some quality family time. It was awesome. Unfortunately, I think that’s the last time the four of us will be together before Bellana moves into her apartment in Vermont. We’ll see her tomorrow, but Harry won’t be there. If I stop and think about that, it’s painful. Instead I am choosing not to think about it. I’m choosing to focus on today.
Now I’m here at my mother’s house and I am missing my bride like crazy.
I love you, Jen.
Inside the Red Head's Head 