NHL Stanley Cup Final Predictions

You know something? This NHL playoff season has sucked. Suck Suck Sucked. My predictions have sucked, but they always suck. This year the teams and the matchups suck. It’s like the universe has been letting teams advanced based mostly on how little I care about them.

How did my third round predictions work out? Badly. As usual.

Eastern Conference, Whalers vs Panthers: I fucking hate the Florida Panthers. I hate the Whaler-canes too, but I hate Florida even more. As if that nazi prick Desantis weren’t disgusting enough, now the Panthers advance to the Cup Final? Fuck them. I picked the Whale, of course, and I guaranteed they would lose. Pricks. That makes me six out of 13 for the post season, which drops me below 50%. Asshats. The coin flip picked the Whale too so it is now five out of 13. Suck.

Western Conference, Golden Knights vs Stars: I feel almost redeemed here. I picked Vegas. I thought they were going to sweep but they blew two games and made it look like a series before winning in six. They bring me back to 50% at seven out of 14. Thankfully. The coin flip picked Dallas and lost yet again. That’s five out of 14 for a pathetic 35.7%.

So that leaves the final, and I am guessing based on my statement in the Eastern Conference Final recap you can guess who I am going to pick.

Stanley Cup Final Round, Vegas Golden Knights vs the Fucking Florida Panthers: Can you guess who I am picking? Go on, guess. Vegas. Hockey Gods willing, they’ll win it in four, but I can’t be that lucky. The coin flip was heads, so it picks the higher seed, and that is Vegas. We’re both picking the Western Conference champs because Florida sucks. Fuck Florida. Fuck them right in their fucking ears.

If Vegas wins, I will have picked more than half of the matchups correctly. If Vegas loses I will have picked more than half of the matchups incorrectly. Given the results of the first three rounds, I can pretty much bank on Vegas losing because hockey as a living entity hates me almost as much as I hate Florida. Fucking Panther pricks.

I Hate the Florida Panthers

After reading that the Florida Panthers advanced to the Stanley Cup Final last night I wanted to take a brief moment to remind everyone that I friggin’ hate them.

I asked Google Bard to write a short blog post about how the Florida Panthers are dicks. It gave me some crap about how they play dirty. It had a bunch of stats but I hate the team too much to verify them all and then post it here. Stupid scruples. I also asked Google Bard to write a short blog post about how no one wants them to win the cup. It gave me something that said how much fun they are to watch and how skilled they are but how no one wants them to win the cup because they are too skilled and too much fun to watch.

Thanks for nothing, Google Bard.

Still, I don’t need AI to tell me why I hate the Florida Panthers. I have that first round choke by the Boston Bruins to remind me… and it will remind me forever and ever. Fucking Bruins. Fucking Panthers. Hopefully Vegas wins the West tonight and they bitch slap Florida with a four game sweep in the final. Pretty please.

NHL Third Round Predictions

The Eastern Conference Finals started last night so I am a day late. Don’t worry, the game one results won’t change my prediction.

My first round predictions were good. I picked 6/8 series correctly. My coin flip was less good. It picked 3/8 series correctly.

My second round pics were horrible. Let’s review.

Maple Leafs vs Panthers. Fuck you, Leafs. I am 6/9 now. The coin picked Florida because it’s an asshole. The coin is now 4/9.

Whalers vs Devils. I picked the Devils and they lost because they hate me. I am now 6/10. The coin picked the Whale. Asshole. The coin is 5/10.

Stars vs Kraken. I picked the Kraken even though I knew they were going to lose, and they did. I am 6/11. The coin also picked the Kraken. It is 5/11.

Golden Knights vs Oilers. The coin and I both picked Edmonton and we were both wrong. I am now 6/12 and the coin is 5/12.

Well, after getting all four series wrong in the second round and having my Western Conference pick (Edmonton) get bounced the way my overall pick (Boston) was bounced in the first round… at least I am still doing better than the coin flip.

This is the least interesting conference finals in my lifetime. I honestly don’t give a shit about any of these teams and I flat out fucking loathe both Eastern Conference teams. I would say the only team I have even the slightest interest in rooting for is Vegas and that’s just barely.

Okay, let’s set down the official picks for the third round.

Eastern Conference, Whalers vs Panthers: I absolutely hate both of these teams. I don’t give a flying fuck which one wins. If I have to pick one though, I would pick the Whale, which guarantees they will lose. The coin flip (heads for higher seed, tails for lower) picks the Whalers as well.

Western Conference, Golden Knights vs Stars: I am not a Dallas fan in the slightest. I recall once rooting for Vegas for about five minutes so I guess I am picking Vegas in the interest of having something worth rooting for even though I could give a flying leap. The coin is a dick (as previously mentioned) and it picked Dallas.

So there you go. I am at 50% over all, six correct picks in 12 series, and the coin is a smidge under 50%, five correct picks in 12 series, and my Stanley Cup Final match up pick is the Carolina Hartford Whalers vs the Vegas Golden Knights. Big fucking deal. Boring.

NHL Second Round Predictions

Who the hell cares. Why do I bother? This sucks.

First round recap, starting in the East:

Bruins vs Panthers: Fuck you. I’m 0/1 and so is the coin flip.

Maple Leafs vs Lightning: I picked the Leafs so I am 1/2. The coin flip (aka Siri) picked the Lightning so it’s 0/2.

Whalers vs Islanders: I picked the Whale even though it hurt my soul. I am 2/3. The coin flip picked New York because it has no soul and is now 0/3.

Devils vs Rangers: The coin and I both picked The Devils. I am 3/4 and it is 1/4. I mean… at least both New York teams lost. We’ve got that to be happy about, right?

On to the West!

Avalanche vs Kraken: I picked Seattle because I thought it would be funny to pick a zero chance underdog. I was right. I am 4/5. The coin picked Colorado and is 1/5.

Stars vs Wild: The coin and I both picked the Twinkies and we were both wrong. I am 4/6 and the coin is 1/6.

Golden Knights vs Jets: The coin and I both picked Vegas and we were both right. I am 5/7 and the coin is 2/7.

Oilers vs Kings: The coin and I both picked Edmonton and we were both right. I am 6/8 and the coin is 3/8.

Are you fucking kidding me? I only missed two series and one of them was Boston’s choking on their own ass? Screw you, universe! My winning percentage is 75%. The coin flip is at 37.5%.

Who really gives a shit about the second round at this point? Aw, fuck.

In the East…

Maple Leafs vs Panthers: Fuck you. I hate the Leafs but I am picking them because fuck Florida. Fuck them right in their fucking ears. The coin picks Florida because it has no soul. Remember, the coin flip is me asking Siri to flip a coin and heads means the higher seed while tails is the lower seed. This time it was tails.

Whalers vs Devils: Go Devils. Even though I am still pissed that you moved your AHL team out of Lowell. The coin picks the Whalers because it has no soul.

On to the West…

Stars vs Kraken: Okay, Dallas should own this but I’m sticking with Seattle. The coin agrees.

Golden Knights vs Oilers: I would have preferred this matchup in the third round but what can you do. I am picking Edmonton because I want to see an Oilers vs Kraken match up next round. The coin also picks the Oilers.

And there you have it. Traditionally my picks are awesome in the first round (fuck you, Bruins) and awful awful awful in the second round so take this at your own risk, m’kay?

I am so pissed off at the Bruins that I may never watch a single game for the rest of the year. This sucks.


At 7:10pm I took a bite of chicken and either didn’t chew it enough or ate it too quickly and my stomach became very unhappy. It felt like it was stuck outside, waiting for the digestive doorman to let it into my stomach pouch thingie.

It’s 9:40, 2.5 hours later, and it still hasn’t cleared. The fuck, chicken?

At least I didn’t set the NHL record for wins in a season and then blow a three games to one lead and get bounced from the first round of the playoffs though, right? I’ve got that going for me.

Fuckin’ Bruins.


Friggin’ Bruins. One minute left in the third period and I was starting to think of what to write in the blog post when they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, only to have the whole season get pissed down the drain. So much for me being cautiously optimistic. Choke. Epic choke. Not as bad as blowing the three games to none lead in 2010, but setting all of the standings records in the regular season and then blowing a three games to one lead in the first round is pretty friggin’ close.

Changing the subject to health news, because of my total schedule screw up combined with all of my stomach problems last week I ended up taking off six straight days from exercise. I am writing this post right now as I procrastinate over starting this morning’s jog (yog). I’m also on a steady streak of having stomach problems every other night. Last night I slept through the night. The night before I woke up with stomach pain. The night before slept fine. The night before woke up twice with stomach pain. Ect, ect. Here’s hoping getting back into the exercise stuff will straighten all of that out, somehow. Magically. Maybe?

One final note. I took out some trash last night and while I was out there (during a lull in the pouring rain) I checked on one of the bird houses and there was something there! There was a twig sticking out of the opening! This morning I took a look through the window and there was a bird perched outside of it! One of our bird houses appears to have a tenant! WOOHOO!

That doesn’t make up for the epic choke though. Epic friggin’ choke.

Not Impressed at All

Look how impressed the cats are with the play of the Boston Bruins in game seven tonight. Just look.


This game is painful to watch. So many stupid turnovers. So many idiotic pass attempts. It’s brutal. It’s like the Bruins have completely forgotten how to play hockey. This sucks. There’s still tons of time to turn it around, but through the first six minutes of the second period, this has been embarrassing. Florida 2, Boston 0.

Trailing After Two

The Bruins are down a goal, 3-2 after two periods in game six tonight and I don’t think my heart can take much more of this. They looked sloppy as hell in the 2nd period. I need a huge improvement in the 3rd, and I need them to run up at least a 12 goal lead.

Come on, Bruins! Let’s Freakin’ Go!!