My next weight loss appointment is one week from today. I’m conflicted emotionally.
On the one hand I can’t wait to get over the next hurdle and be one step closer to the finish line.
On the other hand, I’m scared shitless. I’m going to be meeting with the doctor who is going to carve up my innards. I mean, it’s terrifying!
So far the drive to move forward is stronger than the fear. I need to keep it that way. For the rest of my life.
One week.
My initial consultation is complete and I didn’t spontaneously combust or have a sudden stroke or anything like that. I survived the Zoom call. Sigh of relief, babie.
Three to six months of pre-surgery prep work including 10,000 separate appointments. Then 3-4 weeks out of work afterwards. If we follow that schedule (in other words, if I don’t fuck anything up) then I should be okay for the planned Disney trip in January.
Wait, did I ever mention the planned January Disney trip? It’s mostly hypothetical at this point, thanks to the pandemic, but it has been one of my main concerns about all of this. Yeah there is the physical concerns about having my innards rewired, and there are the concerns about all of the things I will have to change in order to not mess up my rewired stomach (no more caffeine, no more carbonation), but I really didn’t want to mess up the Disney plans after we’ve already had to punt on them a couple of times, thanks Covid.
My medical chart is being put together now. Once that’s set I’ll hear from the clinic to start scheduling the 100,000 next appointments.
I’m not freaking out. I am not freaking out. I am still scared shitless, but I do feel all right over all.
Let’s do this.
I haven’t started freaking out yet, but I expect I will shortly. Or maybe not. I don’t know.
My for really reals first weight loss surgery appointment is tomorrow morning. I took the first half of the day off so that I can freak out, go to the Zoom meeting, and then cry and freak out again. Like, my whole morning is scheduled.
Then again, maybe the fact that I haven’t freaked out yet is a sign that I am for really reals ready to do this. It’s going to suck, and it’s going to suck for months and months, but as far as my health is concerned it’s the right thing to do, right? Right.
I don’t know what to expect. It’s safe to assume I will have a million questions and when the Doc asks me if I have any questions I will completely blank out and not be able to think of anything. Safe bet that prediction is going to come true. We’ll see tomorrow though.
Yesterday was Monday and somehow I was feeling optimistic about the state of the universe. Today is Tuesday and… sigh. Something about tomorrow being the start of December is messing me up today. I’m not sure exactly why, but it’s probably Covid-19 and holiday related. We’re not getting a normal Christmas for the second year in a row, which implies that our Covid Christmas is actually now the normal. Shit.
I had three projects to do at work in less than two weeks. I picked off one of them yesterday and was feeling pretty good about the state of things. Now, simply because it’s the next day, I am feeling a little defeatist about the remaining two. Why? Where is my rational brain hiding? Come out and play, brain. Pretty please?
I took the barrels out to the street this morning. The barrels are full to bursting, partly with Thanksgiving detritus, but they’ve spent the whole week in the new little shed thing so the squirrels weren’t able to get at them. 10 minutes after I took the barrels to the street I looked out the window and saw a squirrel sitting on the barrel snacking on some stuff. Sigh.
Okay. Time to punch in to work. Here’s hoping the state of the universe improves a little. Fingers crossed, folks.
Remember yesterday when I wrote a quick thing about what a crazy day it was?
Today was/is crazier. Hands down, no contest. Today is just crazier.
Tomorrow? Saturday? It’s going to be even crazier still.
Good heavens, what has Robbie gotten himself into this time?
heh heh. May you live in interesting times, babie.
For the last few months, going to work has often seemed like a break from all the rest of the stuff going on in the world. That is kind of the opposite of normal, right? Being away from work is supposed to be the more enjoyable part of your day.
Welp, we’re officially back to normal! Oh, the crazy stress right now. My head is spinning! WHEEEEEEEEE!
Jen just made an appointment with a plumber to come and look at the source of lake asshole. They are coming for the first look tomorrow. Oh happiness! I am so looking forward to a day when I can go into the cellar without getting my feet wet. That’s going to be a good day.
So much music work to do. So little time. When am I going to finish all this stuff off? When, oh when?
I don’t know what to write about today. It’s Labor day, so have a good one.
Clean up in the cellar has been taken care of for now. All of Harry’s left over laundry is done, though I still need to put his sheets back onto his bed. There is a mountain of laundry in Bellana’s room that I’ll probably start today. I set up a new music nook for quarantine in the cellar last night and am hoping I’ll get a chance to use it today. Maybe.
No cookouts for me today. Just isolation and stress and work and guilt and the usual. It’s hard to explain what is going through my head at this point. I am sad about how my mother is handling the change (did I ever post what the change was? I’ll get to it), I am guilty because I am not there to help, I am pissed off because I have to isolate for Covid (even though I’m positive this whole thing is an overreaction, even if the overreaction is still the smart move) and I don’t get to hug my wife, and I am filled with relief that my parents are finally in a place where they can get the help and care that they need rather than have my idiot ass pretending like I know what I am doing.
I don’t know.
Here’s the Covid music nook:
Hopefully I won’t have to use it long and can go back to the bedroom. I haven’t received a call from the urgent care place telling me I have a positive result so that’s good. I have an appointment for another test on Wednesday. If that comes back negative then it’s back to reality for me. I know it will because I was barely exposed and people who had much closer exposure are all testing negative. Whatever, isolating is the right thing to do, I just want it to be over.
I want isolation to be over, I want Covid to be over. I want my parents’ difficulties to be over. I want being guilty to be over. I want to be able to get a good night’s sleep again. I want to be able to work without having to think about all of this other stuff. I want my wife to not have to worry about me. I want my kids to not have to worry about anything except their educations. I want my band to get back together.
Call me selfish, but I just want normal back.
Shit. I had nothing to write about when I started and then I turned it into another downer. Sorry about that. Next time I post I’ll try to include some jokes or something.
I’ll probably write up the events of the last three days at some point. Maybe later today.
I just wanted to take a second to mention this one tidbit. Over the last few months there have been a bunch of times when I wrote something along the lines of, I am going to start screaming and when I start I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop. You all ‘member that? Yeah, I ‘member!*
Well you’ll be pleased to know that there did in fact come a time when I did in fact start to scream. It was yesterday afternoon while sitting in the car. Fortunately I was able to stop.
So… win. Yay for me.
*Thats a South Park joke. FYI.
Today is likely to be a little emotional. Tomorrow is going to be much more emotional. After that, it’s all down hill for a while.
Today is our last full day with Harry. Tomorrow we move him into his dorm.
Yeah… Robbie, your humble narrator, (who is already an emotional wreck for parental reasons) is going to be even more of an emotional wreck than usual.
You, faithful reader, have been warned.
Nothing bad really happened on last night’s parent sitting shift. My mother had pain issues but she eventually went to sleep and slept through the night. My father was fine.
It’s ramping up now though. It’s 8:21am and they both are having problems and I can already tell it’s going to be a colossally shitty day. The home health worker gets here around 9:00, and I am coming back to work after two days off.
So far the only issues have mostly revolved around one parent taking too long in the bathroom which causes problems for the other parent. Happy morning, everyone. My sister is supposed to be coming with a delivery at some point today. My schedule looks clear in the afternoon so hopefully work stays quiet enough to let that go smoothly.
My general mindset right now is the same as it is pretty much every second I spend here. I feel like I am going to start screaming, and when I start I don’t know if I will ever be able to stop.
Inside the Red Head's Head 