It’s almost midnight. I’m still up. I’ve been thinking about tomorrow’s appointment. I’m still not freaking out. Will I tomorrow? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows.
Maybe I’m okay with this? It’s a Zoom appointment so it’s not a Covid risk. Maybe that’s why I’m sort of relaxed. Who knows.
Patches is hanging out with me right now. Maybe that’s why I’m okay. Who knows.
Am I starting to feel nervous? My first weight loss surgery appointment is Thursday morning. I can’t tell if I am actually nervous or not. I’ve been in a weird state of mind all day. Like… an odd bundle of energy that feels just sort of… off.
Tonight we were going to have spaghetti and red sauce for dinner. Turns out we didn’t have any sauce. Jen and I both thought we had a jar but we don’t. I was pretty sad. Like, damn dude, I was in the mood for some s’ghettie. Then Jen said that we should just say screw it and go to Five Guys and I was like, Kick Ass! Five Guys! Best French Fries Ever!
So I guess I am just in a weird, confused, you’re about to be scared shitless again, mood swinging state of mind.
Crud.
Thursday. Thursday morning, to be exact. I can do this. I can do this.
Can I do this?
Crud.
There was one important thing I needed to see happen over at my parents’ house yesterday and it didn’t quite happen. It partially happened. Let’s say 60% of it happened. I really needed that other 40% though, and yesterday it didn’t happen.
It happened today.
It’s still not enough for me to start feeling positive. Yes, there is a light at the end of this miserable tunnel, but if I start focusing on it, it is going to turn around and break my heart and I just can’t do that to myself or to my wife or to anyone else.
Still… the partial big step I got yesterday is now a full big step.
Oh, how I need this to resolve. I need it to be over.
Please, please, please.
The next hurdle is, I believe, next Tuesday. Let’s hope that light in the distance gets a whole lot closer by then.
I’m here at my parents house again. Mom is here. Dad is here. I am here. Everything has been okay since dad came home on Tuesday, but I’m sitting here patiently waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or, I’m waiting for the hammer to fall. However you want to put it.
HBO Max has released The Suicide Squad today. Tonight, actually. I think they brought it live at 7:00pm. The reviews are good. The first movie was… eh. Nothing special. This one was made by the same guy who made Guardians of the Galaxy so maybe some of the magic will rub off?
18 minutes until meds distribution.
Jen and Harry are out college supply shopping. Jen is worried about Covid. We’re all worried about Covid, but she and Harry are both vaccinated. Frankly, all the non-vaccinated people can suck it. Take the friggin’ vaccine, you selfish pricks.
What was I talking about?
Oh well, I think I’ll go make sure all of the door alarms are set and get them their pills. Dad needs a snack with his.
Right then, I’ll talk to you later. There might be a new song to share. We’ll see where the night leads us.
I miss Jen and Harry and Bellana and Patches and I want to go home.
One week ago I gave the details on the very ugly HVAC situation in our cellar. It’s one of many ugly situations in our cellar, but for now it’s the one that’s being worked on.
They looked over the ducts in the cellar and said they needed to come back another day to actually fix things. Today is that day. They gave us an estimate and let’s just say I won’t be buying myself a guitar for my 50th birthday… and maybe not for 51-60 either. In the immortal words of Austin Powers, ouch, babie.
Jen sent me a message about an hour ago. They are there. They are working. They are loud. One them wasn’t wearing a mask. Insert very frustrated non-science denying sigh here.
This whole thing has me very nervous. Central air is one of the highlights of our house. I don’t want to de-evolve to a state where we have fans and air conditioners in the windows. I want to be snooty high society with my air conditioned house. I am also very happy that progress is being made as this has been weighing on me like you wouldn’t believe.
I just want it done and I also want it done right so that we never have to worry about it again. Specifically I want it done right so that I never have to worry about a 10 foot section of duct falling on my head again. Ouch, babie.
I was down huge after week one. I was down big after week two.
We’re getting ready to leave to go in for the week three weigh in… I don’t think I’ll be down big this week. I stayed on the simple start foods list, but I feel like I just had too much of everything. I had a full week of hungry horrors. It was tough. I’m still hoping for good results, but I’m not expecting much.
Wish me luck!
Inside the Red Head's Head 