My Gut’s Last Day

Hello and welcome to Tuesday May 3, 2022. The last full day with my stomach and small intestine working in their DNA designed manner.

At some point tomorrow my digestive system will have an entirely new workflow.

I’m on my pre-op liquid diet and I’m literally afraid to do anything. They told me I can have all the protein shakes I want today, but should I? What if a bit of powder doesn’t dissolve right and it acts like food and sits in my stomach and they have to postpone?

Right. Relax, red head. Go drink a shake, you paranoid doofus.

The Moment is Almost Here

Jen and I had dinner together. We also had dessert. I had more dessert than I’m willing to admit, but I wasn’t too bad. Just mildly bad.

The shit is about to get really real. It’s 9:00pm. In three hours my liquids-only diet starts. 24 hours after that I’ll be fasting until the surgery.

I’ll find out tomorrow afternoon when the start time will be. I’m hoping earlier rather than later. I want to get it over with, you know?

Be prepared for frequent, nervous posts followed by a black out sometime on Wednesday. I don’t want to try to post anything while I’m goofed up on anesthetic, you know?

Two days. Panicking in so many subtle ways.

No Prep Left

Jen and I are sitting in the living room (the old one, not the new one) and I’m letting my mind wander.

Where is it wandering to?

Where do you think?

I went for my pre-surgery Covid PCR test today. I got an email saying that I had a new entry in my patient portal. I don’t speak hospital but I think it says the results were negative.

So what’s the significance of that? Apart from not having Covid, of course.

That was the last thing I had to do before the surgery. The next step is literally getting a call from the hospital telling me what time to show up.

I’m not freaking out per se. Well… not exactly. I am, but I’m okay with it. Really it’s just getting hard to focus on anything else. I’ll be doing one thing and about a third of my thought process is on my weight and the surgery instead of what I’m doing. I think that counts as a minor freak out.

Overall I feel like I’m keeping my shit together, but I’m pretty sure the next two days at work are going to be a struggle.

10 Minutes to Go

10 minutes until quittin’ time on this chilly, cloudy Thursday in April.

I really need a haircut. We’re talkin’ desperately need a haircut. I should really go and take care of it on the way home tonight, but guess what I am not going to do. I’ve been in the office all day and I just want to get home and see my brilliant, beautiful wife.

I could try to go tomorrow before my doctors appointment, but I think we can all agree that isn’t happening either. Depending on how long the “class” takes, I might be able to squeeze one in before I have to punch into work. That’s a definite possibility.

I don’t want to go over the weekend because Covid-19 is still a thing even though no one acts like it anymore. Well, no one but me and Jen at least. Maybe not no one, but you dig what I’m saying. If I have to I could probably do it before work on Monday. Not Tuesday though. On Tuesday I’ll be on my clear liquids only diet and I’ll be freaking out.

So I’ll have it done by Monday.

The other big question coming up… if my Surgery is on Wednesday, when am I going to get a chance to see the season finale of MoonKnight? I might watch it when Disney+ posts it at 3:00am Eastern time because I sure as shit am not going to be sleeping much. We’ll see. They are going to call me on Tuesday to tell me what time the surgery is booked. I won’t know before then. Just a little tiny thing adding to the little tiny (Himalayas sized) stress.


Lunch Break

I’ve been eating too much at lunch. I’ve been eating too much at dinner. I’ve been eating too much after dinner. The rest of the day is generally aces.

We’re six days away from the surgery. Gastric Bypass. It sounds like road construction and to a degree it is. I’ve probably said this a few times before, but as scared as I am of having my guts chopped up I am more afraid of what comes after. This isn’t just a cosmetic surgery thing where you loose tons of weight and then carry on with your life. The surgery itself is just one small part of the process. You need to follow it up by completely changing everything. That’s what’s stressing me out today. Well… that’s part of it.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning. It’s the first of a series of classes where they will teach me what to do when I get home. I have to relearn how to eat and drink. I have to relearn how to prepare food. I have to relearn how to react when my guts talk to me. Miss a hint from your insides and end up praying to the porcelain god for an hour. that sort of thing. The first class covers living through the first couple of weeks. The second class is the second couple of weeks, and so on and so forth.

I’m doing my best to stay optimistic about the whole thing, but it’s getting hard to focus on the positive. It’s getting hard to focus on anything. I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes. Until then…

Back to work.

Cardiology in Two

Two hours until my cardiology appointment.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’m starting to feel really nervous. Like, full on scared.

This is good. This is worthwhile. This is a positive endeavor. Why the hell can’t I just calm down about it?

Ugh. Think I’ll change the cat litter to distract myself for 10 minutes.

Two hours to go.


We had a meeting with a kitchen guy at Home Depot tonight. 20 minutes into the meeting we all realized he wasn’t the guy we needed to be talking to.

Jen has been itching for a new kitchen for over a year now. We really can’t afford it, and every time we looking into doing one thing it pulls in five other things and the cost estimate balloons and we back off. We’re going to try again though. This time we’re thinking more of an upgrade or a face lift and less of a remodel. The guy we thought we were talking to tonight is going to come over for a look see tomorrow. Another guy will come on Wednesday for a look see to see about getting rid of the awful paneling and wall paper border in the kitchen and the dining room.

We’re not agreeing to anything yet but hopefully we’ll be able to make it work. I want this to happen because I want my love to be pleased. We’ll see.

The main issue in all of this is that Covid is hardly over. I am not nervous the way I was a year ago, but I am still less than comfortable with it all. I can’t complain though, as I am going to the office regularly and I am going to the weight loss clinic and I am even thinking about getting the band together. I fear I am being selfish by being concerned. I’m not though. I am concerned about everything, I just can’t do much about any of it anymore.

In other news, the album in a day idea might be back on, but it won’t start until morning. I haven’t decided yet. We’ll see. Also, I have an afternoon appointment at the weight loss clinic on Thursday. The weight loss clinic is on the way to Guitar Center in Nashua. I wonder if I might go early and bring my Strat. Also maybe bring my Bassbreaker 18/30. Also, I think we have a Guitar Center credit card. Maybe I’ll bring that too. No promises. I would say I am about on third in favor of going and two thirds against. We’ll see how I feel on Thursday.

Okay, going to watch the Bruins. They are tied with the LA Kings, one a piece after one period.

Appointment Day

I am meeting with the surgeon who will (please please please) eventually carve up my stomach today. The appointment is about two hours from now.

I am starting to freak out.


I don’t know. It’s not like I am going to get sliced up today, it’s just a meeting. We will hopefully discuss the two surgery options and decide which one to go with. I can’t imagine she’s going to look at me and decide I’m not worthy and just tell me to go fuck myself up a tree or something.

The future of the human race is not in the balance here. I need to calm my idiotic self down.

One hour and 56 minutes to go.

Stop freaking out.

Zoom Number One Complete

My initial consultation is complete and I didn’t spontaneously combust or have a sudden stroke or anything like that. I survived the Zoom call. Sigh of relief, babie.

Three to six months of pre-surgery prep work including 10,000 separate appointments. Then 3-4 weeks out of work afterwards. If we follow that schedule (in other words, if I don’t fuck anything up) then I should be okay for the planned Disney trip in January.

Wait, did I ever mention the planned January Disney trip? It’s mostly hypothetical at this point, thanks to the pandemic, but it has been one of my main concerns about all of this. Yeah there is the physical concerns about having my innards rewired, and there are the concerns about all of the things I will have to change in order to not mess up my rewired stomach (no more caffeine, no more carbonation), but I really didn’t want to mess up the Disney plans after we’ve already had to punt on them a couple of times, thanks Covid.

My medical chart is being put together now. Once that’s set I’ll hear from the clinic to start scheduling the 100,000 next appointments.

I’m not freaking out. I am not freaking out. I am still scared shitless, but I do feel all right over all.

Let’s do this.

Still All Right

It’s almost midnight. I’m still up. I’ve been thinking about tomorrow’s appointment. I’m still not freaking out. Will I tomorrow? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows.

Maybe I’m okay with this? It’s a Zoom appointment so it’s not a Covid risk. Maybe that’s why I’m sort of relaxed. Who knows.

Patches is hanging out with me right now. Maybe that’s why I’m okay. Who knows.