Tag: weight

Zoom Number One Complete

My initial consultation is complete and I didn’t spontaneously combust or have a sudden stroke or anything like that. I survived the Zoom call. Sigh of relief, babie.

Three to six months of pre-surgery prep work including 10,000 separate appointments. Then 3-4 weeks out of work afterwards. If we follow that schedule (in other words, if I don’t fuck anything up) then I should be okay for the planned Disney trip in January.

Wait, did I ever mention the planned January Disney trip? It’s mostly hypothetical at this point, thanks to the pandemic, but it has been one of my main concerns about all of this. Yeah there is the physical concerns about having my innards rewired, and there are the concerns about all of the things I will have to change in order to not mess up my rewired stomach (no more caffeine, no more carbonation), but I really didn’t want to mess up the Disney plans after we’ve already had to punt on them a couple of times, thanks Covid.

My medical chart is being put together now. Once that’s set I’ll hear from the clinic to start scheduling the 100,000 next appointments.

I’m not freaking out. I am not freaking out. I am still scared shitless, but I do feel all right over all.

Let’s do this.

A Little Over an Hour to Go

My Zoom meeting with the weight loss surgery folks starts at 10:00. It’s 8:47. Yeah, I am starting to feel nervous. I have some chores to do to distract myself so hopefully it won’t get too bad.

I did what all nerdy programmer/analysts do when confronted with a problem. I started collecting data and putting it onto a spreadsheet. I know how much I weighed when I went to the clinic for the check in two weeks ago. I weighed myself again today. I’m down two pounds, which is nice. Two down and 600 or so to go. So maybe it’s not so nice. I don’t know, I am trying to keep my brain from spiraling out into horror movie fantasy land. It’s not easy for a guy like me to do that. It’s not unusual for my imagination to start driving the bus, if you know what I mean. Also, I have seen a lot of horror movies. The one movie that sparked my love of scary movies involved a surgeon. Let’s just leave it at that.

70 minutes to go. I think I’ll take out the trash and make the bed and see if I can upgrade the camera on the Mac.

69 minutes to go……

The Panic is Imminent

Imminent… did I spell that right? I think so. It’s one of those words, you know? One of those words that I am never quite sure how to spell.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the panic is imminent.

Tomorrow is Tuesday. After that… Wednesday. That’s when the panic will come full force. Wednesday morning. At Lowell General Hospital. It’s not even an appointment, it’s just handing in some paperwork and having my vitals recorded. The actual first appointment is February 3rd via Zoom. Wednesday though… that’s the next step. I have to get through that before I can do anything else.

Weight loss surgery. I am in a state of mild freak out right now. It will be a major league freak out tomorrow. Wednesday morning… full blown panic. I can practically smell it.

I’m doing it this time. No more wussing out like the last time. No more giving in to fear. No more worrying about what I won’t be able to do anymore once it’s done. The only worry worth worrying about is what happens if I don’t do it.

It’s the right thing to do, but I am still going to panic over every little detail, including dropping off the medical history forms on Wednesday.

Fuck. I don’t know if I am ready for this.

Fuck. I have to get myself ready for this.

Fuck.

Bike Day

It was about a month ago that I stopped closing my exercise ring every day. I stopped doing my 30 minutes of walking. My back was killing me around the clock and I would walk for 2-3 minutes and have to stop. I also stopped doing the Intermittent Fasting thing. That was 25 days ago, if the app I track the fasting in can be believed.

My back doesn’t feel any better, really. I think I have gained 30 pounds in those three-plus weeks. I haven’t weighed myself, but I definitely gained a ton of weight in that short period of time. I can see it, Jen can see it, and I can feel it.

When we put up the Christmas tree we had to find a new, temporary home for our exercise bike. That new home ended up being next to my side of the bed. Right across the room from my work desk. As I felt my weight climbing at a rapid pace, it almost seemed like the bike was mocking me. For about two weeks I have been telling myself to just ride the friggin’ thing. Today I finally did. I only rode it in 5-6 minute intervals. I closed my 30 minute exercise ring, but I didn’t close my 1,000 calorie move ring. My back was okay with the whole thing. My legs weren’t. Ouch. That was a trade I can handle in the short term.

I’ll try again tomorrow. I will shoot for more than just the 30 minutes and see if I can close the 1,000 calorie ring too (I wasn’t even close today). I need to do something before I turn into a Monty Python sketch*.

Oh, and I started tonight’s intermittent fast at 7:30pm. It’s supposed to be 9:00pm, but I guess I was a little anxious. Fingers crossed I can keep myself from falling off the wagon, or from crashing it in to a tree.

I am leaving work a couple of hours early tomorrow. I’m thinking of trying to put new christmas lights on the side of the house. Maybe going up and down the ladder will gain me a few exercise minutes and burn off a few calories. Every little bit helps, I hear.

I am freaking out about my weight. Frankly, it’s so out of control and hard to reign in that it’s scaring the ever loving shit out of me. One step at a time, I guess.

*Just a wafer thin mint, sir.

Wasting Away

The last week or so… what a waste.

Have I given up on the November Music thing? A few days ago I would have said no, but over the last couple of days I have had a ton of time to work on things but instead I just sat on my ever expanding ass, eating junk food and watching TV (Foundation on Apple TV+). Literally the only thing I have accomplished this week is gaining weight. The last two nights I’ve gotten to bed time, right around now, and realized that I still have exercise to do to close my Activity rings. Instead of going to bed and getting a good night’s sleep I am about to march around trying to close the rings. About two minutes in my back is going to start screaming at me. I don’t know if I can keep it up with things hurting as much as they are. Failure, thy name is Robert. Crud.

How do I motivate myself again? I don’t know. Was I ever honestly motivated or was I just fooling myself somehow. I hate feeling like this!

On the upside, having never read Foundation I can say that I am enjoying the show. From what I’ve heard, the TV show has absolutely nothing to do with the book apart from a few character names. So I guess that’s a thing.

Ugh… what the hell is wrong with me?

Back At It-Ish

The five day weekend is over. Not that I had a five day weekend, but I digress. I’m still isolating in Harry’s room, and today is the first day that I will be on video conferences with folks at work. I’m going to have to explain the Harry Potter book cover poster on the wall behind me. It’s actually not a poster, it’s a puzzle. Harry was able to put it together and hang it up without having it fall apart. How amazing is that? What the camera can’t see is the Star Wars poster off to my right. That one would need no explanation.

I have the windows open and the mini USB fan on low. The goal is to keep the air moving. Something about all of that time at my parents house in the sweltering heat with fans blowing right on my face all day has made me really want to have the air moving around me as I work.

I closed all three exercise rings yesterday. I weighed myself today. Closing the three rings once did not magically reduce my weight at all. What the hell? It was my first weigh in since mid August and I was up a pound and a half since then. I think we can probably attribute that to stress eating over the weekend so I think maybe what I have learned is that Intermittent Fasting is helping me hold my weight steady more than it’s helping lose weight. I will take that as a huge win. Now the exercise can start lowering that astronomically high weight total, and then we can throw in some diet and some bariatric surgery to get it down the rest of the way. Wait, what?

Okay. Punching in to work. Have a good Tuesday, everyone. Labor day is past, summer is over, it is officially winter in New England. Bite me, Mother Nature.

Until next time……

Why I Need to Go to a Weight Watchers Meeting ASAP

My beloved wife and I joined Weight Watchers just after the new year.  We went to meetings consistently for five or six week and then started to miss them.  It’s been about a month since we’ve checked in.  I haven’t been 100% faithful to the program.  There have been a few nights recently where whoopie pies were substituted for dinner.  I am still off of coca~cola, which is a miracle for me, but I find myself drinking caffeinated sodas more than I should (there is a coke zero on my desk as we speak).  I’m not really counting points anymore, but I have gotten into a set routine for most meals.  Breakfast, lunch, and snacking in between are pretty much the same each day.  Dinners vary, but with the exception of the junk food meals they are still under my available points for each day.  We haven’t started going to the gym, although March was sort of our target for that.  We need to get back into regular meetings first, I think.

Here is the real reason why I need to start going to meetings as soon as possible.  I stepped on our bathroom scale this morning.  Back in January, at our first weigh in, my weight was recorded as X. At our last meeting my weight was recorded as X-16.  (You didn’t know you’d be getting an Algebra lesson here, did you?)  When I stepped on the scale this morning my weight was X-24.  Fantastic!  Of course, our scale is notoriously inaccurate.  I stepped on again and it gave me X-17.  I stepped on a third time and it gave me X-10.  I stepped on once more and it gave me X-27. 

That’s it.  I’m done.  From this day forth the only scales that exist on Earth are the ones at Weight Watchers offices. 

 

PS: The irony of this post being written during my lunch break is not lost on me.  Mmmm, chicken sandwich.

Weigh In

We went to a meeting today. I had to weigh in.

I’m down seven pounds. Bullshit. It will all be back next week. Still, I’m on the wagon enough that I just measured out my cereal so I could get the exact point count.