Blindness Can Be Funny

I’m kidding. Blindness is not funny. Being a dumbass who wears glasses however can sometimes lead to funny stuff.

This happened while I was at my parents house yesterday and I laughed at myself, but by the time I straightened it all out I wasn’t in a funny mood anymore so I didn’t write about it. I’m at home today and it’s getting funny again. A little. Sort of.

My parents have a bottle of lens cleaner in the bathroom. My glasses were dirty as hell after having balled my eyes out into them for a while the night before. I went into the bathroom, ripped some tissue off the roll, took off my glasses, grabbed the bottle and sprayed the shit out of my lenses. That’s when I smelled it. A nice, fresh, sweet scent that wafted back to me from my glasses, and from the hand holding my glasses. What the hell? I looked at the bottle, but without my glasses I couldn’t read the label. Pretty clearly I grabbed the wrong bottle.

I cleaned the glasses as best I could, put them back on, and through the streaks and the fog and the haze I could see that I did not, in fact, spray my glasses with lens cleaner. Instead I sprayed them with scented body wash, which was in a nearly identical bottle right next to the lens cleaner.

12 pounds of actual lens cleaner later and I could see again. The reason I bring this up now is…

…Man, my glasses are dirty again. Where’s my lens cleaner?

I am an Idiot

Sometimes my own stupid just floors me.

Twice in the last four days I have written on this little bloggerino that in order to see the sun rise you have to face West.

West.

What a friggin’ idiot!  I’m like, f*ck you, puppet!  Only in this case I’m the puppet!

East, you idiot.  The sun rises in the East.

Damn, what a jerk!

I’m a Dolt

I’m back at work after a three day weekend. It was only three days. Just one measly day longer than usual.

Why then could I not get my act together this morning? Why did everything take so long? Why did I leave home without my wallet?

Either I am seriously dumb or there is something wrong with me. My 10th anniversary at this company is next week. I’ve never once in all that time forgotten my wallet. Today is the first time I’ve done that. I pulled some quarters out of the toll-booth-coin-cup in the car. Looks like it’s a snickers bar for lunch for me. Yippee.

I am an Idiot

What is the definition of an idiot?

I am covering the holiday today.  I am required to work in a building other than the one in which my desk is located.  The cafeteria is closed, and we are not supposed to leave the building as there would be no one else to cover our calls while we are out.  Therefore, we have all been asked to bring a lunch.

I got up early this morning and made myself a bag lunch.  A nice deli chicken sandwich.  A bag of green grapes.  A handful of little mini kit-kat snack sized thingies.  I put this together and then put it in the fridge while I did my normal work-day morning routine.

Then I left for work.

My bag lunch is still in the fridge.

IDIOT!