A Pretty Good Sunday

Things that were good today, not in order of importance:

  • I finished this year’s RPM Challenge
  • The Bruins beat the Rangers
  • We got a new waffle iron and it made some really good waffles.
  • Also in food news, Jen made a roast tonight and it was scary how good it was.
  • The Red Sox played their first Sprint training game. Sure, they lost to the Twinkies, but the important thing is that they played.
  • The Walking Dead came back.
  • My father, who went into the hospital on January 29th, came home. I mean, he’s going back in on Wednesday but the point is he finally came home. My father went home today!

Stressful Day Ahead

I knew today was going to be stressful. Lots of meetings, lots of important imminent deadline kind of things. Work was going to be busy. Then last night the hospital asked to have a call with all of us at some point today to review the next steps for my father. They will let us know when. So all of my stress-filled plans are in flux so that I can join a call that will likely cause my stress level to increase exponentially.

It’s going to be a rough one today. Next week, when things actually happen at the hospital, is going to be worse but I’ll hurl myself off that stress inducing bridge when I come to it.

Yippee.

Good News is Scary

We got some good news about my father’s condition today. I should be happy. I should be thrilled. I am, partly, but I’m also scared out of my gourd. The good news involves coming home from the hospital for a couple of days before going back to the hospital again for major surgery. We thought he would be staying in until the surgery and the post-op recovery were complete.

He’s good enough to come home early. Yes! He’s still going back next week. No!

My emotional state feels like scrambled eggs look.

A Little Lost

My head doesn’t feel like it’s on straight today. Why is today any different than yesterday?

Dad was moved to a new hospital on Tuesday and spent the day yesterday getting all sorts of tests. We have an idea of what’s coming but we don’t know when and we don’t have any details. It feels like we’re back into a holding pattern and it’s messing with me.

Something I ate last night (too many peanuts, methinks) isn’t playing nicely today and it’s irritating the hell out of me. Stupid digestive system. I also got a pretty shitty night’s sleep last night. That’s not helping the situation.

I have meetings booked for the entire morning and part of the afternoon. What if a call or a text comes in while I’m busy and I can’t get to it? What if I miss something?

I feel useless and pointless and lost right now. Well… I probably always feel a little useless and pointless and lost, but now those feelings are kind of taking over and I don’t like it.

Procedure – Part 2

My father’s cardiac procedure is done and he’s back in his room. Everything went well in that they have enough information to move on to the next steps. The next steps, however, sound seriously terrifying. That’s okay though, we knew that was coming. The only question left is when does it happen and who handles it. I am trying not to freak out over the possibilities.

Procedure

At some point this morning my father is going to have a cardiac procedure. It’s not a big one. Under normal circumstances it’s probably a tiny, routine thing. With his current situation though… well… it’s cardiac, enough said.

Should anyone reading this care to send any happy thoughts or good vibes or positive energy his way, I’d be grateful.

I am totally optimistic that all will go well and it will clearly tell us what the next steps are. That doesn’t mean I’m not scared though.

Break a leg, Papa.

Improvement

I think there may have been some improvement over at the hospital. Not sure. There aren’t any answers, but there was a little more clarity. A little. A tiny bit. It’s something and I’ll take it.

Cautious optimism (I use that phrase too much, I think, but it’s appropriate here). Raise a glass to continual improvement. I mean, I don’t drink but if ever there were a time to start….*

*Ellipses are supposed to be three dots. Why then do I almost always use four or five? The compulsion….. annoys me. Something else I am not very good at, in the long line of things I am not very good at.

Scary

My father is moving out of the intensive care unit into the intermediate care unit. His physical issues are stabilizing. That’s excellent news. Unfortunately, none of the physical problems that were uncovered when he got to the ER on Friday are the reason he went to the ER on Friday. The reason he went to the ER was his confused and disorientated mental state. Even more unfortunately, that situation is getting worse.

He keeps trying to get out of the bed because he keeps forgetting why he’s in the bed. He called home today and talked about everyone who has visited him, including a couple of cats. There is a global pandemic. The hospital does not allow visitors, period. They especially don’t allow cats.

I just want a diagnosis. I want root cause. At this point I’ll settle for a decent theory. I’m completely freaking out. I am trying to be the good Male Irish Immigrant Stereotype* and bottle it all up but I’m failing miserably. I am completely freaking out and constantly on the verge of falling apart. What the hell is going on?????

*I’m a great grandson of Irish immigrants via my paternal grandmother’s line, but the stereotype still applies. I have the red hair to prove it. I probably have the alcoholic gene too. See what I did there? That was a joke based on a stereotype. See how it all ties together? I told you I was coming unglued.

No News Doesn’t Feel Like Good News

Dad is still in the hospital. No new news. His hematologist said it looked like he had a heart attack. His cardiologist disagreed. He didn’t have a heart attack, but the anemia is putting added stress on his ticker. He’s still losing blood and they still don’t know where it’s going. He’s still confused and having false memories and they still don’t know where it’s coming from. He’s doing a great job of hiding it. The staff can have lucid conversations with him. He knows his name, he knows the year, all that. He also insists that his daughter is a nurse and that he needs to move to another room in the hospital and that the doctor told him he was having heart surgery and that he’s had visitors and that he was once kidnapped. None of that has happened.

On a personal note, the foot issue that I believe is plantar fasciitis started coming back on Thursday and is now back with a vengeance. My foot hurts like holy hell. Just a touch of icing on the shit cake. I’ve somehow managed to stick with my intermittent fasting bullshit through this. I will be clear to start stress eating again in 14 minutes. Bring it.

That Wasn’t Fun

Yesterday started okay. The company I work for paid out the annual bonus. A little less than last year, but given the circumstances it was very nice. I was happy.

That’s about when the first customer issue of the day started blowing up. It was something slightly similar to something that happened at another customer site a few weeks ago so I brought the guy who worked through that in to help me.

That’s when the texts started coming. My father was out of it mentally. He told my sister a story about how he was kidnapped once and if she came to the house the kidnappers would come for her too. WhatWhatWhat? My sister got there first. My brother’s kids were home with a possible covid exposure so he was stuck. I told my boss about our customer issue and asked my staff member to keep on it and headed to my parents house.

My sister called his doctor and they said go to the ER. I told her to call an ambulance rather than drive him herself. Not long after, dad made the same suggestion. The paramedics came, and an ambulance, and a fire engine. They were there within about two minutes of my sister placing the call. Thank you all.

Lisa followed the ambulance to the hospital where she, obviously, was not allowed in with him. She stayed in the parking lot and snuck into the building when the freezing cold got to her. I stayed with my mother. She can’t be left alone.

The ER found that my father was severely dehydrated (again, because he doesn’t drink water even when it’s basically thrown into his head) and severely anemic and the anemia is putting a strain onto his heart… they think. Something’s up with the heart and they think it’s related to his blood counts, but no one knows for sure yet. Why is he low on blood? We don’t know. They gave him a transfusion but last we heard his counts are dropping again. He’s bleeding somewhere and we don’t know where.

While all this was going on, the customer issue at work completely blew up all over the poor guy I left it with. I’m not sure yet if it would have blown up if I had been there, but regardless I stuck that guy with the problem and it turned out to be a mess and I feel terrible about it.

Dad was admitted, eventually. They put him into the ICU which just tickled us all so much (that’s sarcasm). I spent the night on the couch so that my mother wouldn’t be left alone. She had a very bad night as far as back pain and leg pain and everything pain is concerned. She takes a heavy duty pain medication but it seems to take forever to kick in. Once it did she was able to sleep, thank goodness.

Around the time we learned my father was going to be moved to the ICU my sister tried to start her car to run the heater for a few minutes and her battery was dead. How’s that for icing on the cake, eh? Her husband came and jump started the car and they both went home.

My sister relieved me around 9:00 this morning and I’m home now. Assuming my brother’s covid scare comes back negative (three of the four tests are confirmed negative, they are just waiting on one more) he will relieve her at some point today and stay the night, assuming dad isn’t discharged. Lisa can cover tomorrow night.

So how was your Friday?