Cross Your Fingers

Everyone cross your fingers.

We may have a positive development on my mother’s healthcare front.

PleasePleasePleasePleasePlease.

I know I have said this a couple of times already but this one feels closer than the previous false alarms.

Fingers Eternally Crossed.

PleasePleasePleasePleasePlease.

Friday Thoughts

I am going to dash out of work today as soon as my shift is over and run over to the hospital to visit with my mother. Yesterday was a banner bad day. Word is that today is a little better. Here’s hoping. I will be going back tomorrow morning and Sunday afternoon. I’m back to reality now so it’s time to pitch in. Gladly. Even though it’s going to be awful, I am ready to help.

That probably means a delay in getting the band back together. That’s tough, but necessary. I have a doctors appointment on June 30th, which means I will be 2/3 of the way to the Guitar Center in Nashua. I’m thinking that might be Stratocaster Trade In Day. What comes next depends on the book value of my Strat. I guarantee it won’t be enough for anything new. What if they have a used Deluxe Reverb in stock? What if they have a used Les Paul Junior in stock? Who knows.

I spent my lunch break exercising. Every day this week so far I have done a full 30 minutes of exercise in one shot. It’s all walking in place, but it’s something. I was most definitely not able to do that at any time over the last few years. It’s only since the surgery and recovery. I think I have actually done a single 30 minute workout for 10 days in a row. I am shocked.

Now, having said that, they are not exactly killer exercises. My heart rate is going up but it’s not going up as much as it should. Wednesday will be the six week mark, which means the restrictions on how much weight I can lift will start relaxing. The first thing I will do is change the cat litter. The second is to start thinking about maybe lifting some small weights? I might wait an extra couple of weeks before anything like that, but the thought is out there. I need to exercise to make up for lost muscle mass, or something like that. I need to do right by my new physical condition.

Television. I still haven’t finished Breaking Bad and I am so close. Something like five or six episodes left. I need to wrap that up. Season Three of The Boys has started. I think there are four episodes out. I’ve watched the first few minutes of episode one (so worth the herpes) and that’s it. Why have I not dug into it yet? I still haven’t watched yesterday’s episode of Strange New Worlds. Why? What the hell, Robert? I haven’t even thought about starting the new seasons of The Orville or Stranger Things. What is wrong with me?

I have a lot of recording I want to get to as well. One song ready to mix. Two ready for vocals and one ready for guitar leads. Come on, man. Get it done!

Okay. Work time.

Clothing Issues and Lunchtime Musings

I mentioned yesterday that I have lost 50 pounds in the last five weeks and that my clothes don’t fit. That may have been a slight exaggeration. They are definitely too big, but I can still wear them. It’s not an emergency yet.

Last night I was in my closet looking for something to wear today. There are some old collared shirts that were too small for me prior to the surgery. I pulled one out. I’m wearing it right now. It fits fine.

Part of me feels like nothing has changed. Another part of me feels like everything has changed. I have so far to go though. I’ve barely scratched the surface. Here’s hoping I can continue to ride it out with old clothes for a while. In a way, that might sort of connect me to… me.


No new info on my mother yet today. My sister is at the hospital with her. It’s brutal. I need to do more.


The 2022 50/90 Challenge is less than a month away. I am not going to do it in an official way. I will not be signing up on their website or anything like that. One user ruined the whole thing for me last year and I don’t want to deal with that again. I didn’t sign up for FAWM back in February either. FAWM and 50/90 are different log ins, but it’s run by the same people and has many of the same users. I just don’t wanna.

Having said that, I will probably still try to write 50 songs between July 4th and October 1st. I’ll still do the challenge, I just won’t do it in any official capacity. Ain’t I a stinker? No, I am not. I just like doing goofy music challenges. What can you do?


Did I mention that the Red Sox are three games above .500 and are sitting in the last playoff spot? There are three wild card slots this year and all three AL slots are held by teams in the AL East. Sucks to be the rest of the league.

The Bruins fired their coach. Patrice Bergeron is likely to retire (please, no!). Half of the team is in the middle of off season surgery. Now we’re hearing that Pasternak might be wanting out. He has a year left on his contract and the rumors are that he won’t sign an extension. Shit.


Okay. I need to finish my 3.1 ounces of canned chicken lunch and get back to work.

Until later, friends.

Step Back

I don’t know what to think right now. My mother seemed to take a step forward yesterday. It was good. There was a bit of optimism. I just heard that last night she took a big step back. I don’t know what to think now. I am just so sad.

We slept a little late this morning and it’s thrown off my mojo a little. Work is weird. I feel like I never left, but I also feel completely out of touch. I mean, it was only four weeks. It’s not like I forgot how to do everything. I said the other day I was feeling like an alien. That’s it. Totally. I feel like an alien posing as me. I blame my new stomach, but only because I have nothing else to blame it on but me.

Harry is at his dad’s this week but he came over to watch part four of Obi-Wan Kenobi. It was awesome. We did not, however, watch the first episode of Ms Marvel. I’m trying to sneak it in before work. I should just make it. That means I am not watching this week’s episode of Star Trek Strange New Worlds. That will have to wait for later tonight. All in all, I’d rather be seeing my mother moving to a new facility rather than anything Marvel or Star Trek or even Star Wars.

Chicken for breakfast. I’m starting to get a little sick of scrambled eggs. Is that new? I never used to get sick of food. If I ever get sick of chicken I am screwed. Hold on while I start my 30 seconds-between-bites clock.

On Hold (and Other Stuff)

If you thought waiting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles was agony, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

We gave Bellana a vacation as a High School graduation present. She chose to go to Disney World. We stayed at a resort. It was freakin’ magical, just like the Disney marketing said.

We wanted to do the same thing for Harry but he graduated in the middle of Covid so we had to delay it. He wants to go on almost exactly the same trip. The only difference will be the actual resort we stay in. We stayed at the Polynesian last time. This time the Poly is on the backup list.

Disney opened reservations for 2023 today. Jen got ready for work and then hunkered down in her office and gave The Mouse a call. That was about 7:30am. Maybe a smidge later than that. They put her on hold. They also gave an estimated wait time before she could talk to a human. Two hours. Two. Hours. Yikes!

Good luck, my love.


I need to track all of my food and drink. I need to make sure I’m getting about 60 ounces of liquid and 60 grams of protein. I assume at some point they are going to have me tracking calories too.

I have an app on my phone that can handle this. Two of them, actually. When I try to use the app I always seem to forget to log things. It annoys the hell out of me. While I was in the hospital they gave me a form to use to track what little I ate. At the stage one diet class they also gave a similar form. All through my time off of work I used the forms. I scanned one of them and kept printing out copies. I had a clipboard that I carried around with me everywhere I went and I logged everything.

Now that I am back to work and able to do stuff again, I don’t really want to track on paper anymore. I also don’t want to use the apps and get back into old habits. So what do I do? I created a spreadsheet in Google Sheets that mimics the paper forms. I am on my forth day using it. So far so… kinda good. I keep a notebook at my desk and next to my bed to keep tally marks for each ounce of liquid. I’ve been updating the sheet in a browser whenever possible, but I can update it from my iPhone or my iPad. It works, but the interface blows.

I’m also keeping a sheet with my daily liquid and protein totals, and I started another sheet with protein per ounce values for foods I eat regularly. That should come in handy. I might go back and add the totals for each day that I kept on paper too, just so I’ll have it all in one place. That’ll be a bit of a pain, but I might do it.


I finally got to see my mother last night. She’s been in the hospital for a long time. They’re trying to move her to a new facility but it’s a difficult process. I am not giving details, but it was difficult. She’s having a really hard time. I will go back to see her again in a couple of days.


Okay. Time for work. Talk to you later.

Two Weeks

Two weeks ago at about this time, I think I was being moved from the operating room to the recovery room. I’m trying to find some way to commemorate this historic anniversary and I am coming up with nothing. I’m in the cellar, watching Breaking Bad again and surfing online music stores on my laptop. I don’t want to spend money on gitter stuff but what can you do? Pedal boards and random gear are just fun to daydream about. I have made sure to avoid looking at actual guitars though. Amps too. Just pedals and non-bank breaking stuff.

As for the post-surgical update, I had a weird experience today. I ate my delicious tuna fish puree at lunch time. When I was done I… well… it’s so odd… I felt… hungry. As in, damn I could go for another ounce of that fun stuff. It was just a weird feeling.

I am still not giving any details on the subject, but my mother is still in the hospital. I still can’t do anything about it, and likely won’t be able to for another 2-3 weeks. I feel less than useless. Again, no details are coming but I just needed to state that publicly for my own guilt ridden reasons. That is all.

Happy two-week birthday to my little baby stomach*.


* In his book Ghost Rider, Neil Peart, while dealing with the deaths of his wife and daughter, refers to parts of his recovery as feeding his little baby soul. My soul is okay, but my little baby stomach needs constant attention.

Quiet

No Bruins game tonight.

No Red Sox game tonight.

No Marvel movies left to watch.

I guess I’ll just stare at the walls, drinking this protein shake and stressing about my mother whose been in the hospital all day. What the hell are we going to do?

I’m Still Alive, Mostly

Wow. Yesterday sucked. I’m not going to recap any of the details pertaining to my mother’s day in the hospital, but I will give a quick recap of my own day.

My SleepWatch app tells me that I woke up at 5:55am on Tuesday morning. Pretty normal. I did a full day’s work, I had dinner with the love of my life, we made some good progress in our How I Met Your Mother binge-fest, we turned in for the night but I didn’t go to sleep. Instead I watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 as part of my fun, very time consuming marvel rewatch. The movie finished a little before midnight, which was dumb. I should have gone to sleep earlier and finished the movie the next day. I didn’t though.

I sat up in bed for a little while longer and I think I may have nodded off a little around 12:30. I woke up quick though because my phone rang. My sister let me know that my mother was going to the ER and she asked if I could meet her there. I got dressed, filled up my water bottle, grabbed a charger and some ear buds and off I went.

20 minutes later I was in my mother’s room in the ER, and there I stayed. She slept through the night but I stayed up because I didn’t want her to wake up alone. I watched episode two of MoonKnight on my phone and started watching Avengers Age of Ultron, but my brain was getting fuzzy at that point and I stopped. I acknowledge the clock passing 5:55am, meaning I had been awake for 24 hours (minus the maybe two minutes before the phone rang) and then I leaned my head against the wall and tried to doze. I think I was successful, but only for a few minutes. 10 minutes tops.

My mother woke up around 9:00am and I was very busy for a few hours. Very busy. She fell asleep again by noon and I had a couple of hours to rest. I tried to nap again but if I was able to fall asleep it was only for a few minutes. When my mother woke up I was once again very busy for a few hours. They discharged her at around 4:30pm. I was very worried that I would have to drive her home without having slept for over 32 hours. Fortunately the hospital offered us a wheelchair van to take her home. I was very happy to accept. I didn’t mind driving myself, but I was really nervous about driving her.

I went to my parents’ building to help get the wheelchair downstairs to their room. I then filled everyone in on what my brain was still able to process and then I went home. I walked in the door just before 6:00pm. Jen and I had dinner together and went down cellar to check out the new paint job. We went to bed a little after 8:00pm. I don’t think Jen was ready for bed at all, but she was nice enough to sit up with me. She’s amazing, you know. I tried to watch episode three of MoonKnight but I only got a few minutes into it before I gave up and went to sleep. SleepWatch tells me I was asleep at 8:25pm. The sleep-free streak was 38.5 hours, minus the few minutes I grabbed here and there. My watch didn’t register any of the time I thought I might have been asleep, so maybe I dozed and maybe I didn’t. I tried, but maybe I was just sitting there with my eyes closed for longer than I realized. Who knows.

38.5 hours without sleep. Yeah… that was rough, but I made it through and lived to tell the tale via a blog post that will live forever in the wilds of the internet. Or something like that.