Tag: health

Wednesday News

Oh, it’s Wednesday again. When we dropped off my step son at his dorm last week, Wednesdays were the days I was most worried about in terms of being sad because he’s not around. Wednesdays are the days that the new Marvel TV show episodes hit Disney+. New Episode days (they used to be Fridays, but Disney changed it for some reason) have been spent in the living room eating burgers and fries for dinner while watching the latest. That dates all the way back to WandaVision, which seems like ages ago, but was really only a few months back.

On the ride home from Vermont I said to my wife, I’m not looking forward to Wednesdays when he’s not around for Marvel and Burgers night. Sad face. It’s okay though. I can be sad for me and thrilled for him at the same time. He’s starting day three of his University Academic Career today. Put simply: He’s the man.

Tonight is a parent sitting night for me so I will be staying over there. I’m super nervous. There are things happening over there that will hopefully resolve all of the out standing issues but I am scared shitless to write about them out of fear of something going wrong and all of it falling apart. I’ll keep my mouth shut for a while longer. Hopefully only a few days.

I just vacuumed up Lake Asshole. The dehumidifier is running and I’ll empty it as soon as it fills. We have another hurricane remnant on the way tomorrow. I haven’t checked the forecast yet today but as of yesterday the potential for tons of rain was very high. I need Lake Asshole to be as dry as possible before I leave tonight.

I keep forgetting to take the trash barrels in off the street. Trash pickup was yesterday afternoon and the barrels are still out there. Remind me to take care of that, will ya?

The potential for freak outs over the course of the rest of the week are very high. Just be warned. If I start losing my shit in the middle of the night while I’m at my parents’ house and have no one to talk to about it, I’m going to unload here.

Okay. Time to punch in to work. I have a bunch of meetings on the schedule today. Here’s hoping that distracts me from all the other shit for a while at least.

Happy September. Summer is officially over and Winter has officially begun. San Diego is calling me and I am not sure I can resist her for much longer.

Stay at Home Day

Today is a simple pandemic shelter in place day. I am staying home and not going anywhere. The work day is 33 minutes away and I have a truck load of stuff to do today. After work I don’t go to my parents so I’ll make a big dinner for me and the love of my life and take the opportunity to get some stuff done at home.

One big focus will be evaluating the current lake asshole situation in the cellar. We are still getting enough rain that I can’t rule out the ground water level as the source of the mini floods, but at this point I am really leaning toward something inside leaking. Hopefully within the next week or so we can get someone out to take a look and see if they can find the root cause. Until then, wet vac plus dehumidifier equals a false sense of security.

I might try to get some musical therapy in tonight. Not sure. I actually had a 45-60 minute window last night where I could have done something/anything and I chose to watch an episode of Toast of London (I still have seven to go and it looks like today is the last day it’s on Netflix. I thought it was being removed today but I just refreshed my Netflix tab and it’s still there. Unless I’m just seeing the cache?) and play a video game. Star Wars: The Old Republic. On a scale of 1-10 I give it a four. Maybe a 3.5. I am playing a Jedi character and he doesn’t have a light saber yet. Maybe once I get that far in the story I’ll give it a higher rating. At my current point, still super early in the story, I do get to slaughter bad guys in an awfully un-Jedi like manner so… it’s okay. For music, I do know that I am currently slightly behind the pace I kept in the two years that I finished 50/90 as far as completed mixes goes, but I think I might be a smidge ahead overall. Who cares. I’m hoping to make a big push this weekend. We’ll see. Still lots of shite going on.

Want a blog stats update? Sure you do! Always remembering that if you have one of a thing and add another of that thing you can rightfully state that you have a huge, dramatic increase… know what I mean? When I talk of growing numbers, they are still very small numbers. Right? Right. I’ve mentioned in the past that my total page views per month stat took a huge jump at the start of the year. January blew away my previous monthly high, then May beat the record by a very tiny bit, then June shattered the record again. July didn’t beat it but it was so close that we can call it a virtual tie. How’d August do? Well, with 15+ hours to go… it shattered June’s record. I don’t know what I am doing to get people to visit, and I am pretty sure most of the page views are spam-related, but thanks for coming folks. I hope I am not boring you to death… I’m pretty sure I am boring everyone to death.

Okay, I am going to punch into work and get my day started. Happy Tuesday, everyone. Wear a mask, wash your hands, practice social distance, get the vaccine if you haven’t already. Be a decent human being and not a selfish, nazi shit.

Half Over

The work day is half over. I’ve made some good progress on a couple of tasks and all in all things are going well today, but the bad sleep last night is starting to get to me. The SleepWatch data was actually really good, super high heart rate dip, super high restful sleep percentage, there just wasn’t much of it. I’m starting to find it hard to concentrate and I still have three hours and 40 minutes to go.

Yippee.

I just had a customer’s request for a tweak to standard functionality forwarded to me and I really don’t think it’s something we are capable of doing and it’s making me stress out to a huge degree. It’s a big customer. An important customer. A customer who has asked us for things that, in granting their requests, has lead to some huge wins for my team over the last few months. I want to get this for them… I just don’t know if it’s possible without a huge redesign. I’m playing this out in my head and it’s making me sad.

Sad on top of tired. Crap.

On the upside, the kids started school today. Bellana’s junior year is underway. Harry’s freshman year is underway. We have two honest to goodness university students. How awesome is that?

Roll Reversal

Big time childhood roll reversal going on this morning. Morning pill distribution is at 8:00am. At the stroke of 8:00, thanks to the iOS Reminders app, I brought them both their morning meds and accompanying stuff (water, food, ect). They were both sound asleep. Neither of them wanted to wake up. It was 8:15 before I got any real response out of them.

Flash back to me at age 6-18. 12 years of schooling with approximately 180 days per year worth of me not wanting to get out of bed each morning and my parents constantly yelling at me to get my ass in gear.

Life is weird, you know?

Sleepy

There was a stretch of time there overnight when I was pretty convinced I wasn’t going to get to four hours of sleep. I didn’t get to bed until a smidge before 1:00am and it was a little before 5:00am and both of my parents were up and about. Mom was making breakfast and dad was using the bathroom. I would guess I was at about three hours and 45-50 minutes. Almost made it. Then my father went back to bed and a few minutes later my mother was back in bed too and shortly after I was asleep again. The total sleep time ended up being four hours and 35 minutes. I was up before 6:00 and I tried to get my morning bathroom routine done before they got up again. I almost made it. My mother’s bladder interrupted me. That was okay though.

Now at 7:12am I have a load of their laundry running and I am setup for work. I am going to cleanup my sleep station a little and then try to sneak in a little of last night’s The Walking Dead episode (season 11, episode 2). I think I can get it all in before work starts, but I will have to stop a few times for parent duties.

I was out of the office on Friday so I will have some hectic catch up to do once I sign in. That’s normal on the first day back after being out. I know I have some stuff that needs to be done for tomorrow, but I am hoping things are quiet today. I got enough sleep to be able to handle whatever the universe throws at me. It’s just a question of when I run out of gas. I am going to try to conserve enough energy to make it to 9:00-10:00pm tonight.

Fingers crossed, my dear readers*.

*In my silly attempt to paraphrase Stephen King’s regular greeting to his readers (what does he write? Loyal readers? Something like that) I misspelled “readers” as “reasers” and left it that way through a full proof read even though the Chrome spell check flagged it as an error. Oh yeah, we gone have a fun wun tuhday.

#Sarcasm

<sarcasm>

I’m back to my parents place for the night and it’s awesome. It’s a total blast. I have no residual emotional stress relating to spending nights in the house where I was so depressed that my best friend once told me he was worried I was going to do something to hurt myself. Nope, I feel great now. Just wonderful.

Obviously those fears were unjustified, but there were times when I was worried about the same thing. All of that was in this house. Yup, I love it here. Just love being here. Sure, the day I moved out ranks in the top five happiest days of my life*, but that doesn’t mean that staying here again isn’t the most awesome, awesome thing I could do.

Being here is the best.

</sarcasm>

*Off the top of my head, could my short list of happiest moments be?…

1. Our wedding.
2. Jen saying yes when I proposed.
3. Falling for Jen.
4. Meeting the kids.
5. Moving in with Jen and the kids.
6. Buying and moving into a house of our own.
7. Harry being his old self again after a couple of days worth of near unconsciousness in the PICU.
8 & 9 (tied). Bellana and Harry graduating from high school.
10. Raising the double freedom rockets and giving a hearty fuck you to the previous 33 years of failure and misery in my life and finally graduating from college.

Like I said, that’s just off the top of my head. If I really sat down and examined my emotional state during all of these experiences, number 7 would likely jump a lot higher on that list. Possibly because the events leading up to that wonderful moment are hands down, no question number one on the list of the worst moments of my life. Like, no contest. As bad as things are now and as bad as all the bad things that have happened to me and to those I care about throughout the last 50 years, nothing comes close to being as terrifying and horrible as Harry’s time in the hospital during the first days of diabetes. That first time he got himself up out of the hospital bed and sat up in a chair and talked to us as if nothing happened… fuck me, that was a glorious moment. That was bliss. I will treasure that particular happy moment forever.

Home for Now

Another chapter in the never ending story comes to a close and I go home again. I was 36 when I moved out of that house (April 2008) and lets say for the last 10-11 years I was miserable pretty much every second I was there. Then after my mother’s cancer I was there to watch her every other Friday for… what was it… eight more years? Now for the last five months it’s been 24 out of every 72 hours, approximately. I honestly can’t put into words how much just being in the house hurts me. That’s not even considering my parents’ health situations, which by themselves are soul crushing. Just being in that house makes me miserable.

I’m going back tomorrow night because why not just destroy my soul while I have the chance, right? I know it’s the right thing to do, and I know I have to do it and I know and I know and I know. Being the right thing doesn’t change the fact that the house itself is my personal hell.

The overnights should be ending soon. Unless the universe is fucking with us, hard… and I am not willing to discount that as a possibility, it should be ending soon.

Not soon enough.

…and I go back tomorrow night.

Damn Phone

I’m here at my parents house and it’s been a relatively quiet day. I sorted out the pills, started some laundry, and did a couple of other little things. The Home Care Professional (hero) is here and she was helping dad with some things. My mother was in her room reading the paper.

I thought to myself… do I dare? Do I dare watch a show on Netflix while I wait for the laundry to finish? Let’s try it. Toast of London, season one episode three (I am trying to decide if Matt Berry is the funniest person on Earth. Still not sure, but I do know that Ray Bloody Purchase is an asshole), I put on my headphones and press play…

…and the fucking phone rings. Oh for crying out loud.

Pills

It’s 10:37am. Did you miss me? I usually have a morning hello post hours earlier than this.

What kept me?

Pills. Yeah, man.

No, seriously. I just filled my parents’ pill caddies for the week. There was a lot of back and forth with my brother and sister. There are pharmacy changes coming in the near future and it’s affecting how we go about filling prescriptions and two of my mother’s 10000000 scripts need to be refilled this week because there aren’t enough pills to get us through to next week. Their primary care physician (who is also my primary care physician) is on the case though. All is well.

The bathroom is the other issue today. Not in an accident way, just in a there-is-only-one-in-the-house way. It seems like every time someone needs to go really bad there is someone already in there. I’ve been toilet blocked twice today, and I toilet blocked someone else once. It’s minor chaos.

My mother just shuffled into the room and asked me if I was her son and did she actually give birth to me.

I want to go home so badly I cannot put it into words. I am so tired of neglecting my family in favor of my family, you know? I was afraid to text Harry last night but Jen let me know that he was texting her, so I snuck in a couple. It’s only been one day and I miss him so much, and missing him makes me miss Bellana even more, and missing them both makes me so upset that I am here and not with Jen because I know she feels the same way, and it’s just crushing me so much I can’t even punctuate a sentence properly and I keep writing these endless run on things that when I go back to read these at some hypothetical point in the future are going to piss me off and now I am just doing it just because I am pissed off and I want my future self to also be pissed off at my grammar shenanigans and this is stupid and I am so miserable right now I can’t deal.

I think I am going to go upstairs and try to take apart a twin bed. No reason.

Fuck.

Calming Down

I don’t know if I was over reacting a little this morning, or if I’ve just been so busy at work since then that I lost perspective, but things have calmed down quite a bit today. They both took naps (I’m jealous) and the sense of impending doom I felt earlier is gone. That’s good, right?

I was expecting Bellana to drive back to Vermont today but instead she made a salon appointment and planned to spend the day in Boston (I’m jealous). That means she’s going to be at our house when I get home tonight. Actually, I might get home first, but whatever. She’s going to join us for Marvel and Burgers night. What If…? Season one episode three. It should be fun.

During the earlier days of the Covid-19 pandemic, someone bought my parents a digital picture frame that can be loaded remotely via an app. We all added tons of pictures to it and it’s been running around the clock* ever since. Today I had to go out to the porch for something and I saw a couple of old pictures on the window sill, hidden by 100 years of stuff. One had a picture of my mother’s mother. The other had a picture of my father’s mother, and a picture of my father’s brother. I thought I would scan them and add them to the picture frame. I had to dig through a pile of stuff, it felt like Harry Potter in the last movie robbing the LeStrange vault, but I was able to grab them. I was surprised to find two more pictures hidden behind my father’s mother. One had a picture of one of my father’s aunts and one of his uncles, and the other was a picture of another aunt.

I scanned them all with my iPhone and added them to the picture frame. I’m still waiting for one of them to pop up, and for my parents to notice. That might actually take a couple of days as there is a little league world series game on and one of the teams is from New Hampshire. Suffice to say, distracted.

*It doesn’t exactly run around the clock. When the ambient light level drops below a certain level the unit shuts itself off. Outside of that it’s been running around the clock.