Tag: health

Misery

I’ve had exactly one day at the house since my father came home. I had one full blown break down while I was there, and then had another one when I got home. If I were cut out for being a home care nurse, I would have been a home care nurse. I haven’t asked my brother and sister if they feel the same way, but I’m willing to bet a pretty large sum that they do. I don’t think I can do this. I will for as long as I have to, but “have to” has to be a short time. It wasn’t the worst day of my life, that was Harry’s diabetes diagnosis day when the ER doctor at Boston Medical Center couldn’t tell us that he was going to be all right. Do you have any idea how scary it is to have a doctor give you a look that says, “your kid might not make it?” This is a Caribbean vacation compared to that day. Still… I don’t know what I’m going to do.

What I do know is that home care nurses are friggin’ super heroes.

He’s on His Way

I just got a text from my sister. She’s at the hospital picking up my father. They are just wrapping up the discharge process. He’s going to be heading home soon.

What a relief.

Fingers crossed everything goes well, but I know it will. Dad’s coming home.

Confusion

Well that was fun.

My father is coming home today and I think that’s messing with my mother’s head. We had an argument this morning, the first real argument we’ve had in this run of nana sitting. I had just come out of the shower and was starting to get my shit together for the day and she walked passed me and said she was going out. Ummm… what?

First it was that she needed to go home. This one comes up once in a while. I told her she was already home. No, this used to be home I need to go to the new home. Then it turned into she needed to go meet Dad. But Dad is already coming home today, you just have to wait here for him. No, I need to go to where he is. Do you know where he is? No. Then how can you go to where he is? I’ll find it. You don’t have a drivers license anymore. So? Are you going to walk to Concord? What’s in Concord? Dad. No, I’m not going to Concord. Then where are you going? I’m not telling you. And on and on it went for a solid five minutes or so.

That happened about an hour ago. There haven’t been any more discussion, and she hasn’t made a break for the door. I believe whatever she was thinking of has cleared up now. She sometimes has little moments of confusion when she wakes up. Today she had been awake for a couple of hours, but I think while I was in the shower she dozed off for a few minutes. I know she’s done this a few times when my sister was here, and I think my brother has seen it too. It’s not unusual, and in my limited experience she is able to figure things out on her own as she talks it through. Today felt similar but a little different. She was just so insistent that she had to leave the house, even though her reason to leave changed a whole bunch of times. She was a little pissed off at me for trying to stop her. I’ll take that.

On top of all of that, my work group is down by half today due to vacations and sick days.

I’m thinking today is going to suck in a big way. At least Dad is coming home. Keep focusing on that, Robert.

Addendum: She’s on the phone with my father. I just heard her say she wanted to go out and buy him something but, “Rob wouldn’t let me go.” Maybe she wasn’t confused, maybe she was just being secretive. Who knows.

Overtime Again

The Bruins held their 1-0 lead over the Islanders until late in the third when, wouldn’t you know it, the Isles tied the game. Now we are going into overtime yet again. Three overtime games in round one, and now two in round two. Too much stress, man. Too much playoff stress.

I brought dinner with me to my parents house tonight. I didn’t get to eat it until after 7:00. I also brought a bag of chips and I was going to eat that son of a bitch bag if it killed me. I did, but I didn’t finish it until 9:10… 10 minutes after my normal intermittent fasting start time. Oh well. Something tells me that I won’t be able to hold off from eating again until 1:10 tomorrow. Methinks that it’s going to be a fasting-fail day.

It’ll be worth it if the Bruins win. Also, they need to win quickly because the caffeine I was freebasing all day is starting to wear off and the red head is getting sleepy.

Addendum: The NBCSN team covering the Bruins game tonight keeps waxing nostalgic about Nassau County Colosseum. The building is closing after this season and they keep talking about it like it’s some hallowed hall. Has there ever been a time, even back in the Islanders four year Stanley Cup dynasty from 1980-83, when that building was considered to be anything but a shit hole? I always heard that it was so awful it made the old Boston Garden look luxurious. Am I wrong about that or is the team commentating the game just cupping the Islanders fans’ nut sacks?

Addendum #2: The Bruins just won. Marchand scores in the first overtime to put the Bruins back up 2 games to one in the series. Kick ass, dude!

I Have a Bad Feeling About This

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but ever since I got to my mother’s house I have had this sense of impending doom. Like, take Star Wars super fandom out of the equation and say, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I don’t know what the bad feeling is, and I don’t even know what it’s referring to. I just feel like the hammer is about to fall and it’s likely going to fall right on top of my fat head.

Please note that I am not thinking about The Bruins. They are up 1-0 after one period and I am fairly optimistic they will come out of this game with a lead in the series. Even after getting seriously outplayed for a chunk of game two, they still took it to overtime. I think they are going to be okay.

I also don’t think this has anything to do with Jen and the kids. All is well at home. There is nothing on the horizon that we can’t handle, and that includes the imminent empty nest. I am fully happy and content and confident with home life.

Everything else is fucked. Why do I feel this way? What the hell is wrong with me? It’s summer. Lighten up, Francis.

Game Night

It’s game night. Bruins and Islanders game #3 from Long Island. The Bruins need to bounce back after the overtime loss and regain the home ice advantage.

I’m at home right now, starting the work day, but tonight I will be at my parents’ house. I was a day late but I was able to watch this week’s The Handmaid’s Tale this morning before work, so I won’t be distracted by that come game time tonight. Of course, I have the attention span of a gnat these days so I will probably find something to watch at the same time I watch the game. So many choices, so many screens.

Tomorrow I’ll sneak in this week’s episode of The Bad Batch before work, then I’ll get through most of the work day, and then my father will come home. I have no idea how things will work once he’s home, but we will continue as we currently are for a while. The goal is to get him back to a point where he doesn’t need us at the house 24/7. Once things level out we’ll have to have some hard conversations about how we avoid letting this happen again.

Until then, work… and then Bruins.

Go Bruins.

Friday

We just got off the phone with my father’s case manager at the rehab. He’s scheduled to be discharged Friday afternoon. I’ll be at the house, and my brother will pick him up so we’ll both be there to help him get up the stairs.

I should be happy about this news, and I most definitely am, but somehow I am more freaked out and nervous than I was when all of this started.

Another Song for May

Things have been pretty quiet here on Nana Sitting duty. She had a good night last night. Today started out all right, had a bit of a pain hiccup, but has since calmed down again. Fingers crossed for a quiet day.

I watched Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead last night. Eh. Not terrible. Kinda dumb, but not unenjoyable. I actually started it last night and finished it this morning. Every time I put it on my mother would come into the room and I’d pause it to avoid questions of gore. I was watching on my laptop with AirPods in, but I didn’t want to risk grossing her out. When I was 18 I probably would have just let it go. I guess I’m more mature now.

Speaking of mature, the 50 year old red head mixed a song. How grown up of me!

Have I mentioned my beloved wife bought me a new Les Paul for my birthday? Have I mentioned that all of the guitars on this song are that new Les Paul? Have I mentioned that I love my new birthday Les Paul? Not as much as I love my wife, but that gitter is sah-weeeet.

I’m not sure if I am going to submit this one to the RPM site for the Record Every Month thingie. I have three. This one, the last one I posted, and one more that isn’t mixed yet. I haven’t decided which one sucks the least.