Hair During Quarantine

Twice since the lock down started my beautiful wife has cut my hair. Today, for the first time, she cut her own hair. She found a how-to video on youtube and this morning she went for it…

…and it looks GREAT! She’s not all that happy with it, but I think she looks fantastic. I am really impressed. There is literally nothing she can’t do.

Haircuts, or My Wife: My Hero

All those right wing scum bags arming themselves to the teeth and storming into their state houses like the terrorists they are, demanding their hair stylists risk their health and go back to work so that they can get their hair cut.

Screw those terrorist pricks.

Back on May 8th my hair was longer than it had ever been. It was so long in the front that it was funny as hell. My wife gave me a glorious birthday gift when she cut it for me.

Fast forward to today, the three month anniversary of my last day in the office before my company shut down the buildings, the love of my life gave me another haircut. This time there was no messing around. She lopped off the places that were too long and then buzzed it like you’ve read about. Amazing.

It’s not quite high and tight, but it’s as short as I’ve had it since I was a little kid. It’s perfect. Bring on the summer.

Thank you, my beloved Jen. I know you were nervous about it, but you did great and I appreciate it so much. I love you!!!

Gift

Amazon delivered this yesterday:
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Today is the day. When I woke up this morning I looked like this:
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Eight weeks into quarantineland and I couldn’t take it anymore. Apparently neither could Jen because she volunteered to take care of it.

Success:
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I feel like a new man. At last I can see what is in front of my face again.

Thank you, Jen. I love you so much!

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 29

Hair hell.

I have styling foam (is that what it’s called?) in my hair.

My hair currently is not in my eyes, but it isn’t quite holding in place from where it was when I got out of the shower 90 minutes ago.  So far so good, I guess… but it’s only been an hour an a half.

Change of subject, and speaking of crazy: Alex Jones.

Given that he publicly threatened to murder and eat his neighbors, would they then be legally justified to put a bullet into his useless, idiot brain if he put a toenail onto their property?  I will never advocate for violence, but to me this sounds like any of his neighbors would be perfectly within their rights to blow his brains out without any additional provocation.

Just saying.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 28

It’s going to be a couple of weeks before this post pays off…

Jen and I had a pretty heavy conversation about a pretty heavy topic today.  When I say heavy I mean that literally… we were talking about… my hair.

First, we discussed hair care products.  Specifically, is there anything in the house that I could use to keep this bastard of a hairdo out of my eyes.  Yes, there are a couple of styling products that I could try.  I will experiment over the weekend.  Just note… I hate product.  Hate.

Our discussion included the subtopic of how everything we talked about is likely to fail in a big way.  Jen offered to cut my hair.  She’s offered a few times before but today I asked, “do you want to cut my hair?” and she answered, “yes.”

A kit with scissors… would you call it a grooming kit, or is that just for pets?  Whatever, quality scissors have been ordered.  Also, a set of clippers has been ordered as a back up in case something goes wrong with the actual hair cut process.  By “go wrong” I mean either it can’t be done or it comes out really bad and needs to be fixed.  There is a statistical probability that I may be in for my first ever buzz cut.  At least I will be able to see where I am going, right?

Jen is nervous that it’s going to come out bad.  I am not.  For two reasons.  One, I don’t care.  Two, we are likely to be in lock down long enough that I will need a second haircut by the time we get out anyway.  What difference does it make?  Another reason, though unofficial, is how funny it is going to be.  We are going to laugh our asses off all the way through this and it is going to be awesome.

The sad reality hit at this point though.  Mother Amazon will not be delivering the scissors or the clippers for a couple of weeks.  That means you’re going to have to wait for the hilarious selfies.

Patients, Padawans.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 25

My hair.  Just… my hair.

I probably wrote about this already, but it is a seemingly never ending source of crazy.  When all of this crap started I was already needing a haircut.  Now we’re into week seven and oh my crap this is insufferable.

As it was starting to cover my eyes I joked with my wife saying that I would cut it myself once it was long enough for me to accidentally inhale it up my nose.  It’s still not there, but it’s long enough that it is starting to reach the tip of my nose.  Given how lightning fast my hair grows, I expect it to be up my nose by week’s end.

I have two Facebook friends who own hair salons.  One of them warned that they can’t fix your hair if it’s not there.  Don’t cut it off, she said.  That was three (I think) weeks ago though.  How much longer am I supposed to hold out?

I am willing to bet a fair sum of money that youtube contains a plethora of videos that will instruct viewers on how to cut their own hair.  Failing that, I am guessing amazon has a fair share of affordable clippers that would at the very least get the hair out of my eyes.

Hair, man.  Hair.