Today is fathers day in the united states. If you are a dad or if you are someone who plays the dad role in your family, then happy fathers day.
This year is the first fathers day we’ve had since my father passed away. Jen and Bellana went to the grave with me. I am so grateful to them for that gesture. It means so much. I miss my father quite a bit, and I miss him a little extra today.
This is a photo of my father’s wedding ring. I guess he wanted me to have it.
I tried it on. It fits me.
The last few days have put me into a prolonged, slow burning state of freak out. Fun.
My friend’s father passed away on Monday. My father went into the hospital on Tuesday. No details on either situation will be forthcoming. We just got clobbered by a thunderstorm which, it turns out, was rough enough to knock out the power in the hospital. The backup generators kicked in a second later, but woah.
I am planning to go to the hospital after work tonight. I need to make dinner first but then I’ll go for a quick visit before visiting hours end. Tomorrow morning is the funeral. I’ll go to the hospital afterwards. How’s that for a tough day? The last few days have been bad, but tomorrow… woah.
On less important (re: not important at all) topics, I have one more episode of The Umbrella Academy’s final season to watch. I strongly suspect that once I finish that final episode I will immediately start a rewatch of the entire series from season one episode one. I think that is going to happen.
Earlier today I was looking at Threads (the twitter alternative social network made by the same assholes who make instagram and bookfayce which begs the question why the fuck am I giving this new social network site the time of day) and I posted that musically speaking, today is a Porcupine Tree kinda day (from a mental health standpoint, of course… meaning heavy and complicated and confusing if you’re not paying close attention). TWELVE MINUTES LATER I got a notification that the Porcupine Tree instagram account had been ported to Threads. They haven’t posted anything yet but I guess I should say you’re welcome?
I don’t know what the dad situation is going to be like this weekend but I do know that Bellana, my step daughter, is coming over for a visit. All the bad, scary stuff going on feels a little more bearable when the kids come by. I am really looking forward to seeing how she did at her conference this week. I want all the sciency details.
Speaking of science, from a nutritional standpoint I screwed up yesterday. I spent the whole day at the hospital with Dad and when I left the house I forgot to take my pill case with me. I took my breakfast vitamin pills before I left, and took my lunch vitamin pills when I got home for dinner. I was going to take my dinner vitamin pills before I went to sleep, but I fell asleep earlier than expected and missed that dose. Dummy. Note to self: bring the friggin’ pill case tomorrow. Dumb ass.
What else? Word from the hospital this afternoon is that Dad is starting to show early signs of coming out of whatever was wrong. My fingers and toes and eyes are all firmly crossed. Again, I am not sharing details beyond a small hint of optimism. Enjoy it while you can.
Okay, Robert. Stop stressing and get back to work. You have stuff to do. Do it.
I screwed up my morning routine today and I don’t know how I am going to recover. No details needed, as they are neither important nor really noteworthy, but I did manage to straighten it out enough to get a couple of things done.
First things first, car music. I put vocals on four 50/90 challenge songs. I was hoping to get to five, but I didn’t have time to add another song. I didn’t do particularly well today, and a couple of the melodies were a bit more complicated than my no-talent self usually gets. We’ll see how it comes out when the songs are done.
After the car music was complete I went on a quest. My father asked me to bring him a newspaper. I had a paper route back in the 80’s. Long time ago. I tried to remember the last time I bought one… given that the newspaper industry is effectively dead and the fact that they still exist is laughable. The last time I bought one was… I think… 2007? When the Red Sox won the World Series I bought a Boston Globe. I think I did it in 2007. I know I did in 2004. Let’s just say it’s going on 20 years.
Where the hell do people buy newspapers? The one my father wanted isn’t one that you could ever regularly find near my home (we’re in Lawrence Eagle Tribune country and he wants a Lowell Sun). I went to my old home town, Tewksbury, thinking there were a couple of stores where I might be able to find one. The first store I went to does not carry newspapers anymore. Big surprise. The second… is now a dentist office. Again, not a surprise. I finally decided to just hit any grocery store or convenience store I saw and I found one.
Quest complete. Newspaper acquired.
Now some random pictures… just because…
Finally… cats.
It’s Sunday. What’s going on?
Recently I gave up on my idea of learning how to make sugar free ice cream at home. Somehow, my beloved bride Jennifer responded to me getting off the homemade ice cream wagon by jumping on the homemade ice cream wagon, which has pulled me back into the fray.
Earlier today we went to a grocery store to do some research. How much does stuff cost and how long does it last before it goes bad. We also found a few different brands of sugar free ice cream to try. You know, for ideas and stuff. We don’t have an ice cream maker at the moment, but we’re watching the web for sales. Come on, amazon (you effin’ psychos), let’s put that ice cream maker with the built in compressor on sale!
A few minutes from now I am going to head to my father’s place. He has an issue that requires frequently changing a bandage. My brother and sister and I are taking turns. It’s my turn today. He has stuff to do this afternoon so I am planning on popping in, changing the bandage, and popping out. I am taking a camera with me. There’s a spot near his place that I might stop at for a minute or two if I have the time. Fingers crossed.
After that I will come home and have dinner with the love of my life. After that? Band practice. After that? Come home and hang out with my Jen and then sleep. After that? Work in the office. Oh shit. Today’s Sunday. Crap.
Today is Father’s Day here in the United States. Is it Father’s Day anywhere else? I don’t know.
Are you a father? A dad? Are you, like me, a step father or someone who fills the roll of a father? Are you a single mother who takes on a father’s responsibilities? Well then, today is your day.
May your kids shower you with love and affection today. We are going to have lunch with my father, which should be lovely. My step kids are having lunch with their father, as it absolutely should be, and then they are coming to our house for dinner. I am touched.
I always feel conflicted on Father’s Day. I don’t want to be the kind of person who tries to take attention away from my step kids’ actual father, but at the same time they always make a point to make me feel loved on Father’s Day and I absolutely love that they do that for me. I am overwhelmed by how much I love my step kids. I call them my kids because to my eyes I couldn’t love them more if they were my biological children. I think if I loved them more I would literally explode. So while I do feel conflicted today, my step kids ignore that and treat me like the real deal and I cannot thank them enough.
I say it all the time, I am stunned that they keep me around at all never mind treat me like an actual parent that they care about. They are amazing. It’s that simple. I can’t put it any other way. My step kids, Bellana and Harry, are utterly, unequivocally, objectively, amazing people.
May your Father’s Day be a happy one. Fathers, love your kids. Kids, love your fathers. If it is not Father’s Day in your neighborhood you have my permission to act like it is and have yourself a merry little unofficial Father’s Day.
I’m 52 years old. I’ll be 53 in May and suddenly that seems immensely older than 52. Weird, this aging thing, isn’t it?
When my mother was 52 my father was 50 and I was about 22. That was 1992. At that time I think my sister was still teaching 1st grade in Long Beach, CA and my brother was still in high school. I had dropped out of college (music school) and was either working at UPS loading tractor trailor trucks, or I was starting to attend Northeast Broadcasting School in their eight month audio recording certificate program.
I’m not sure of the timeline for my parents. My father was running an accounting department. I think he was still at the scrap metal company in Tewksbury. That wasn’t the happiest time in his professional life, but it was better than the last days with the restaurant company. My mother… I think my mother was working as a bookkeeper at the electronics place in Chelmsford. My father would eventually work there as well. He ran the accounting department and my mother worked for him. My brother interned there as well, and when I went back to school for real a few years later I worked there as an overnight cleaning guy. Things seemed good for my parents in those days.
Apart from that, I have to expect that my parents spent a lot of time worrying about what a fuck up I was turning into after first deciding to go to music school, then dropping out, then going to a useless tech school to study a useless field, and then turning into a warehouse flunky for a few years. It was 1997 when I went back to school for real. I hope that eased their worries.
1992 was a long way away from my mother’s brain tumor and the dementia it lead to, and my father’s heart attack and all the trouble that lead to. 1992 was a pretty happy year for me, personally, even if I was turning into a professional fuck up. I wouldn’t change a thing as it all lead me to where I am today. If I had to change anything though, that brain tumor and the heart attack would be high on the list. Hell… they would pretty much be the list.
Hey AI Thing, generate an image of a Jedi Knight visiting his parents.
It’s starting to look like my father might be heading back to a rehabilitation hospital soon. It’s all up in the air, but it’s trending that way.
I feel completely overwhelmed, and I’ve been there a tiny fraction of the time my siblings have been there. I can’t imagine how they’ve held on. I feel like the phrase that describes how I feel might be shell shocked but that’s probably not right.
I never would have thought going back to the hospital would feel like a positive step, but it does. That is just heart breaking.
Inside the Red Head's Head 