Trains

My mother was super quiet in her room. I got up to get my stuff ready for bed around midnight. I assumed she was asleep. Nope she was standing next to her bed reading. I told her what time it was and she said she was going to bed. Good.

15 minutes ago she came out of her room and asked me if anyone else besides Lisa and John (my siblings) had taken the train with her.

What train, I asked.

The train we took here this morning, she said.

I told her she probably dozed off and had a dream. She agreed. I told her we went to the doctor yesterday but other than that she hadn’t left the house.

She said she remembered that. Then she asked who else was in the house right now. Just us, I said. Okay.

Then she pointed at something on he floor in front of me and asked what it was. My shoes and socks, I said.

Cool socks! She exclaimed as she turned around, walked into her room, got in bed, and immediately went to sleep.

It’s ten minutes to 1:00 am. I’m done. Good night everyone.

Cool socks, indeed.

Addendum: she’s still awake. She just asked about tomorrow’s weather forecast. M’kay.

Confusion

Well that was fun.

My father is coming home today and I think that’s messing with my mother’s head. We had an argument this morning, the first real argument we’ve had in this run of nana sitting. I had just come out of the shower and was starting to get my shit together for the day and she walked passed me and said she was going out. Ummm… what?

First it was that she needed to go home. This one comes up once in a while. I told her she was already home. No, this used to be home I need to go to the new home. Then it turned into she needed to go meet Dad. But Dad is already coming home today, you just have to wait here for him. No, I need to go to where he is. Do you know where he is? No. Then how can you go to where he is? I’ll find it. You don’t have a drivers license anymore. So? Are you going to walk to Concord? What’s in Concord? Dad. No, I’m not going to Concord. Then where are you going? I’m not telling you. And on and on it went for a solid five minutes or so.

That happened about an hour ago. There haven’t been any more discussion, and she hasn’t made a break for the door. I believe whatever she was thinking of has cleared up now. She sometimes has little moments of confusion when she wakes up. Today she had been awake for a couple of hours, but I think while I was in the shower she dozed off for a few minutes. I know she’s done this a few times when my sister was here, and I think my brother has seen it too. It’s not unusual, and in my limited experience she is able to figure things out on her own as she talks it through. Today felt similar but a little different. She was just so insistent that she had to leave the house, even though her reason to leave changed a whole bunch of times. She was a little pissed off at me for trying to stop her. I’ll take that.

On top of all of that, my work group is down by half today due to vacations and sick days.

I’m thinking today is going to suck in a big way. At least Dad is coming home. Keep focusing on that, Robert.


Addendum: She’s on the phone with my father. I just heard her say she wanted to go out and buy him something but, “Rob wouldn’t let me go.” Maybe she wasn’t confused, maybe she was just being secretive. Who knows.

Good News is Scary

We got some good news about my father’s condition today. I should be happy. I should be thrilled. I am, partly, but I’m also scared out of my gourd. The good news involves coming home from the hospital for a couple of days before going back to the hospital again for major surgery. We thought he would be staying in until the surgery and the post-op recovery were complete.

He’s good enough to come home early. Yes! He’s still going back next week. No!

My emotional state feels like scrambled eggs look.

No News Doesn’t Feel Like Good News

Dad is still in the hospital. No new news. His hematologist said it looked like he had a heart attack. His cardiologist disagreed. He didn’t have a heart attack, but the anemia is putting added stress on his ticker. He’s still losing blood and they still don’t know where it’s going. He’s still confused and having false memories and they still don’t know where it’s coming from. He’s doing a great job of hiding it. The staff can have lucid conversations with him. He knows his name, he knows the year, all that. He also insists that his daughter is a nurse and that he needs to move to another room in the hospital and that the doctor told him he was having heart surgery and that he’s had visitors and that he was once kidnapped. None of that has happened.

On a personal note, the foot issue that I believe is plantar fasciitis started coming back on Thursday and is now back with a vengeance. My foot hurts like holy hell. Just a touch of icing on the shit cake. I’ve somehow managed to stick with my intermittent fasting bullshit through this. I will be clear to start stress eating again in 14 minutes. Bring it.

Long Confusing Week

I mentioned the other day that we had a slight, one time schedule change.  We swapped a kid day with the kids’ dad.  He took our Thursday and we took his Tuesday.  The result was pretty catastrophic to my internal calendar.  I spent all of Wednesday convinced it was Friday.  I then spent all of Thursday convinced it was Friday too.  This morning when I woke up I was pretty sure that it was Saturday.  Spoiler alert:  It wasn’t.

After having less than three hours of sleep on Wednesday night/Thursday morning I was toast by early evening.  I tried to put the Bruins game on the radio while I was laying in bed.  I missed the first period and it was early in the second when I put my headphones on and put my head on the pillow…  And that was all she wrote.  The Bruins won 4-2, and I didn’t actually hear any of it.  Yippee.

It’s a good thing I got that sleep last night though because today has been the most hectic day in human history.  I’ve been bouncing around like crazy all day.  I was looking forward to a quiet weekend.  Now I am even more than before… I just found out I could be on call for most of the time.  Urgh, indeed.

Day of the Week Confusion

Our normal week schedule includes me telecommuting on Thursday, and then having to get one of the kids to school significantly earlier than usual on Friday.  This week there were two unrelated scheduling adjustments that resulted in me telecommuting on Tuesday, and having to get one of the kids to school significantly early on Wednesday. 

In a practical sense neither thing is a big deal, but do you realize the negative affect this has had on me?

This means my puny little brain is absolutely convinced that today is Friday.

Today, not to mention the rest of the week, is going to suck!