Friday

Lunchtime on Friday. This is about where the last couple of Fridays have blown up in our faces. It’s been very quiet today (too, too quiet) and I am optimistic that the quiet trend will continue for another three hours and 45 minutes or so (I hope).

It really hasn’t been a long day, but somehow it sort of feels like a long day. I might just be overly tired but I can’t quite put my finger on whatever it is I am talking about. I think I need a weekend. Preferably a long weekend, but I don’t have one of those on the books until September. I’ll have to settle for a normal weekend.

I think I have four more cans of Diet Pepsi flavored caffeine in this house. That should be more than enough to get me through the work day. I have a meeting at 2:00, and the next round of meds is also at 2:00… so I guess she’s getting her meds a couple of minutes early.

I’m here at my parents today. I will be home around 7:00. Then tomorrow evening I come back here and stay until Sunday evening. Then I am working in the office on Monday. Then I come back here on Tuesday evening. Shit, man. I need this to end. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday, but that falls squarely in the none-of-your-business file for now. Maybe someday I’ll mention that again. Nothing bad, just not shareable at this time. It’s all part of needing my father to be well enough to come home and then figuring out how to move forward from there. Plans are being fabricated. Actions are being researched. You know, the whole drill.

I wanna go home.

Four Hours of Sleep

I got four hours of sleep last night. I finally conked out around 1:30am and I had the alarm set for 6:30. I was banking on five hours but I woke up at 5:30 and that was it. I couldn’t fall asleep again then, but I bet you a dollar that if I tried right now, now that I am up and showered and setting up for my work day, I would blink out in less than a second. Stupid sleep cycles.

I just did a caffeine check. There are seven 12 ounce cans of Diet Pepsi in this house. Three in the fridge and four in the 12-pack box on the floor next to me. I think that will be enough to keep me functioning until bed tonight.

You can do it, red head! You can do it!

Okay, the clock just struck 8:00am. Time to reset the door alarms and give my mother her morning meds.

Wednesday, here we come!

I Could Use Some Caffeine

So, nana sitting. Last night sucked. About as bad as it gets. Nothing I couldn’t handle, but it really sucked.

This morning was worse than most mornings, in my experience, but not too terrible. Last night I had to give her an approved extra sleeping med. Her prescription is for one and two third pills per dose, but we only give her one and save the two thirds as a reserve for bad nights. She got the two thirds last night. It seems like the morning after the extra two thirds can be a little confusing. That was the case this morning. She came into the living room a little before 7:00am (the latest I’ve ever slept on my overnight shift) and asked where Dad was. I told her he’s still at the hospital. She said no, he came home last night. No, he didn’t, I said as my heart broke once again.

On a purely selfish level, the worst part of today by far has been the lack of caffeine. I bitched myself out for forgetting to bring soda last time and then here I am forgetting again this time. What a moron. Next time I’ll staple a post it note to my head to remind me. Dumb ass. I got about five hours of sleep last night. That plus a caffeine IV drip would get me through the day without issue. Instead I find myself feeling like Homer J Simpson in that episode where he fell asleep driving. Remember that one? Where the hell did that image come from? I haven’t seen that in at least 4361432543 years.

I have, however, added a couple of songs to the 50/90 pool. There’s that at least. Might try to sneak in a little more before I leave. There is talk of me playing World of Warcraft again soon so I have to balance the music and the fictional fantasy slaughter. hehe

One Hour Down

One Nana Sitting hour down, 23 or so to go.

Two items of note:

First, I friggin did it again. I forgot to bring a 12-pack of Diet Pepsi with me today. What a moron. Looks like it’s grape flavored tap water for me for the next 23 or so hours.

Second, and this has nothing at all to do with the current situation but is instead a comment on modern cinema… I guess…

The E Network is showing all of the Harry Potter movies today because wouldn’t you? Sorcerer’s Stone was just kicking off when I got here. I had a thought about it that never occurred to me before. Sort of a Marvel What If? kinda thought.

Harry and Draco Malfoy meet outside of the great hall for the first time on their first day of school. They are waiting to be escorted in by McGonagall so they can be sorted into houses. Malfoy is his normal, slimy, racist, entitled prick self right off the bat. He offers to show newbie Harry the ropes and extends his hand in friendship. Harry, not being a schmuck, brushes him off.

The thought I had at that point was this: What would have happened between the two of them if Harry had been sorted into Slytherin? We know the sorting hat considered putting him in that house but Harry asked it not to. If Harry had been a Slytherin, would their rivalry have continued throughout their school years the way it did? Would they eventually have become buds? Maybe not actual friends, but would they have tolerated each other? Would Malfoy have acted on his jealousy the way that Ron Weasley never really did?

Someone has to think of these things, you know? Should I write fan fiction? Maybe a short story about how Harry hooks up with Pansy Parkinson and Malfoy loses his shit over it? Hmmmm… how about no? Yeah, no.

Shitty Work Day Alert

How do you know it’s going to be a shitty work day when the work day doesn’t even start for another 40 minutes or so?

You realize you’re about to run out of caffeinated soda. I was supposed to bring a 12-pack with me last night. There are only two cans of Diet Pepsi left from last week’s 12-pack. Also, as alluded to in the previous post, there was only a little less than five hours of sleep last night.

Oh, shit.

Caffeine

I’ve been drinking so much diet pepsi since all of the social distancing started that I may as well just jam an IV into my arm and pump the caffeine straight into my blood stream.  Cut out the stomach middle man.

It has to be part of the reason why my sleep has been so shitty of late (last night was okay, but most nights are bad).  The increased stress from the sense of impending doom and all is clearly part of it, but the caffeine isn’t helping.  I need to figure out a good time of day to cut myself off.

I was trying to shut it down when I punch out of work for the day at around 5:30.  I have plenty of water to drink (with grape flavoring, yum) and, due to an instacart screw up, I have truck loads of caffeine free diet pepsi on hand.  We asked for the real deal but the instacart shopper brought the wrong thing.  I expected it to go to waste, but I tried it one night with dinner and I was shocked to find it wasn’t bad.  Caffeine free diet coke tastes about as pleasant as getting punched in the balls with a brick (approximately) so I was really surprised.

I don’t think 5:30 is cutting it though.  I would like to say that I won’t start a new bottle/can of soda after lunch, but I don’t know if I can stick to that.  Maybe I’ll set the cut off at 3:00… which means every day at 3:00 I’m going to be running to the fridge for a fix.  I can open a new one at 2:59, but I’ll probably just nurse it until dinner.  I guess that’s better than nothing.

I went to the kitchen for a drink at 4:30 and I filled up a water bottle instead of grabbing a nice, cold bottle of caramel colored, carbonated, caffeinated, nectar of the gods.  Well, the diet version of the nectar of the gods.  I’ll take that as a win.  I need all the wins I can get.

I’m So Tired

I got a decent night’s sleep last night, but I am still really tired.  Not as tired as I was yesterday, or the day before, or the day before that.  I’m not doing a very good job sticking to the no caffeine policy.  In four of the last five days in the office I’ve been getting a Coke Zero after lunch because I can feel myself running out of gas.  It’s annoying to me.  I don’t want caffeine anymore.  I don’t want soda anymore.  I want to keep losing weight, and even with diet sodas I don’t feel that I am helping myself by having soda.

Oh the struggle.

In the past when I’ve lost weight I’ve felt pretty good.  What’s the deal this time?  I have lost more weight in the last two months than at any time I can remember.  Why then do I not have more energy than I did before getting on the wagon?  Why am I tired all the time.  I should have 32 pounds worth of additional feel good pep coursing through my veins.  I feel gypped.  Really.

Not that I am going to fall off the wagon any time soon.  I’m in this for the long haul.  32 pounds down, something like 160 still to go!  (not really.  I don’t have a goal in mind.  I just like the sound of what the weight value would be if I lost 190 pounds during this weight watchers stint.  A fat boy can dream, right?)

Caffeine

It has been nine days since last I ingested caffeine. So how do I feel?

Well, getting to sleep at night is easier. Getting up in the morning is harder. How am I during the middle of the day? Well I’ll te >THUD<

zzzz
zzzz
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Three Whole Days

I know that every time I get the weight loss bug I post something exactly like this.  It’s repetitive, I know.  I’m sorry.  It’s just that if you see the kind of diet I subject myself to you will understand how epic a change this is…

Here goes…

I haven’t had any caffeine since Saturday morning.  Three.  Days.  Ago. 

I literally have not ingested caffeine into my body since last month.

And somehow, I have not died.  I can’t believe it.  Normally if you took a sample of my blood you would find that it is carbonated and caffeinated.  That’s how much soda I drink.  Lakes worth of coca~cola.  Seas of it.  Oceans of it.  Whole great big bunches of coca~cola.  And somehow I have gone for three days, more than 72 hours, without even a taste of it.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to survive this long, but I can say that last night I went to sleep at a decent hour.  Hopefully the caffeine ban is having positive results.

Scale and Sleep and Stuff

There were a number of reasons why I wanted to change what I eat. The main reason being that I felt like garbage all the time due to having to carry around my gigantic stomach. The other reasons included things like clothes not fitting right anymore, spending way too much money on junk food, fearing that when I sit in a chair it will be crushed beneath me. You know, the little things.

Another of those reasons was due to the digital scale in our bathroom no longer being able to read my weight. When I stepped on it the display would say ERR. In other words, you’re too fat for the scale you fat ass. I’m happy to say that after two weeks of no coca~cola, smaller lunches, no junk food breakfasts, and less snacking between meals, the scale gave me an actual number today. Granted it was an absurdly huge number, but a number. I feel happy about that little detail. Granted, hippopotamuses often feel happy too. I’m still a monstrous fat ass, but I’m enjoying my tiny little victory.

On a less successful note, another reason for changing my intake was that I had trouble sleeping through the night. Eliminating coca~cola from my diet would remove the vast majority of my caffeine intake. If I can cut back on chocolate too (so far so, sort of good) I could stop having caffeine all together. Well I haven’t had any caffeinated soda of any kind in over two weeks now, but I’m not seeing a lot of improvement in my sleeping. A little, maybe, but not that much. I still wake up 1-2 times a night for no apparent reason, and I never feel all that rested in the morning. I probably do feel better than I did a couple of weeks ago, but there has not been any major change. I wonder how long it takes caffeine to purge from your system? I wonder if my massive caffeine intake over the years would skew things so that it takes longer to purge. I wonder.

On the upside of things, the cold that cleaned my clock last week is about 95% gone. Jen is feeling better too, although it hit her much harder than it hit me (and it kicked my ass) and she still has a way to go before she’s all better.

On a non-health note, I put some new strings on one of my guitars yesterday during telecommute lunch and I did a little recording. Then immediately after work I did a little more recording. Then this morning before work I did a little more recording. New/old song in a couple of days? Seems likely. Maybe if I keep up the pre morning commute schedule there might be two new/old songs soon.

In the meantime though, Robert says no to caffeinated beverages. The goal is to have a decent beach body by 2033 (kidding). At this rate, anything is possible.