Why am I so damn tired? Why can’t I get a good nights sleep? I had a great nights sleep two nights ago but I was still exhausted all day. Then last night it was back to the usual crappy and now I am so tired I can’t read the words on this post. I have no idea if I’m spelling this thing correctly or not.

Why can’t I sleep, damn it??


I went to bed at 11:00 pm. I woke up at 3:00 am. It’s now 4:00 am and your humble narrator is still wide awake.

What’s the over under on me getting back to sleep, remembering that the alarm goes off in one hour.

The over is infinity, or 11:00 pm tonight. The under is… also infinity.

Crud. I’m really tired.

ADDENDUM: According to the sleep data collected by my AppleWatch I was asleep at 4:10 am. Maybe I was overreacting a smidgen.

Sick Day

I took half a sick day today. I’m home. I just feel not good. I might just be exhausted, but I think i’m coming down with something. I’m so tired I can barely function. Only one more duty for the day left to me. I have to get the kids at their dad’s. After that? Robbie achieves a vegetative state. (not really, I will still be there for the family, I’ll just veg in between taking care of whatever any of them need)

Wish me luck.

Long Week

It hasn’t really been a long week.  Monday and Tuesday flew by.  I haven’t had one of those days where it was Wednesday but I thought it was Thursday or any perceptive weirdness.

I’m just beat.  I haven’t slept well in a while.  Last night was okay, but I feel really worn out today.  I’m coming down with a cold or something too.  On a side note, a big bird just buzzed my window.  That was kinda cool.  What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, I’m just beat.

I have a headache and a stuffy nose and all of that good stuff.  I’m trying to figure out if I can take half a sick day this afternoon.  I have a meeting and some other stuff this morning that I have to get through first.  We’ll see.  I’m really looking forward to this weekend, but I’m not looking forward to Easter.  Don’t misunderstand, there’s nothing pissing me off about Easter, it’s just that it sort of doesn’t exist for me anymore.  I’m not looking forward to it because, for me, it’s not really there.  There will be baskets for the kids and all of that.  I took care of it yesterday.  There is no band practice for me this week.  Not sure about my step son, his might still be on for tomorrow.  No school activities (until early next week) and no commitments outside of the holiday.  The potential for peace and quiet is actually pretty high right now.  Throw in some melting snow and it sounds like the perfect weekend.


I have one major goal for the next few days:


I don’t mean sleep a little then wake up, then sleep a little then wake up, over and over all night.

I don’t mean lie awake for a couple of hours before finally drifting off for the last few hours before the alarm goes off.

I mean go to bed at a decent hour and sleep straight through until morning.

I fear those days might be behind me now.


As my lunch break nears its end I sit here thinking…

That I haven’t posted today.

Yesterday was nuts.  I was crazy busy all day and didn’t have time to eat anything prior to about 8:30 at night, never mind post to this page.  Today has been crazy busy too, but not as bad.  It feels about the same though.  I’m tired.  I’m back into one of those sleeping-is-difficult stretches that I sometimes get into.

I had hoped to maybe catch up on a little sleep over the weekend, but I ended up sleeping less than normal.  This coming weekend probably won’t be much different.  Two weeks from now though… we’re on vacation.  I have to survive nine more work days (including today) before I get there.  It’s going to be rough.

We had planned to go to Quebec City on the vacation, but taking children out of the country when you have shared custody and the other custody sharer is not going too involves more paperwork than we expected and we aren’t going to have it ready in time.  That means we need to rework our plans to stay within the US.  I asked my beautiful wife if we could try to at least get ourselves to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls before the summer ends.  She thought we could pull that off.  We just need more documentation than we realized when we started thinking about Quebec, and now we really don’t have enough time.

So where should we go?  Jen mentioned Virginia last night.  Virginia Beach sounds nice.  I’ve never been there, but it’s in the South where it’s warmer and it has… ya know… a beach and stuff.  That works for me.

What other options are there?  We could always go back to New York, but we’ve done that a couple of times now.  There are always the mountains in New Hampshire or Vermont?  Those are always great, but it’s still April.  Maybe we want to chase the warmer weather this time.  I don’t know.

I would prefer to avoid Pennsylvania, other than to drive through it to get to somewhere else.  We haven’t had bad luck there, but some of their roads have annoyed me enough that I’d rather go elsewhere.  There is always upstate New York.  We haven’t gone there with the kids.  Is it too cold for Lake George?

I’m looking for ideas, folks.  Feel free to add suggestions.

I’m Tired

I feel weird right now.  I’m very tired.  Sleeping doesn’t seem to help as much as it should.  How weird is that?  Jen and I both go to bed completely tired, and then wake up 6-7 hours later feeling just as tired as we did when we went to bed.

The weekend is upon us but it is probably not going to be a restful one.  There are softball try outs tomorrow along with piano class.  Some housework needs to be attended to.  Jen has work work and school work to do.

On Sunday I am on call for a major customer’s major software update.  These things normally do not require me to work, but the last time this customer went through an update I had to work quite a bit.

That’s bad, but what’s worse is that my step son has little league try outs on Sunday and I can’t be away from a computer.  I’m crushed.  I want so badly to support the kids in their baseball/softball careers.  In the last year my step son has become a fanatical baseball fan and he and I can gab about the game endlessly.  My step daughter doesn’t get nearly as wrapped up in things, but every coach she’s had has made it a point to tell me how good she is.  I know enough about the game to be able to tell that for myself, thank you, but it’s always great to hear it from coaches.  She’s good.  She’s really good.

I love baseball.  I loved playing when I was a kid even though I was always the worse kid on the team.  Just being around the game was so much fun.  I want my step kids to feel that way too, and I want to be there to encourage every little detail.  On Sunday, however, I am going to miss out on something for one of them.  I’m really disappointed in myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I know how good I have it schedule wise as far as my job is concerned.  The commute sucks, the money is low, and I get stressed out like mad at times, but I punch in at 9:00 and I punch out at 5:30 and the changes to that schedule, being on call or what not, are few and far between.  I have my weekends, and when my wife’s incredibly intense schedule comes into the equation I am able to get the kids where they need to be, or get the errands done.  It pleases me that I can do those things and I really shouldn’t bitch about the rare instance where work does get in the way of something on a weekend… but I’m still going to bitch and you just have to deal with it.

So I am tired right now.  I’ve been sleeping okay, it just hasn’t made much of a difference.  Now I’m annoyed too because I won’t be there for my step son on Sunday.  So I’m tired and annoyed.  Being annoyed makes me more tired.  Being tired makes me more annoyed.

Oh please, please let this be a quiet day at work.

Two More

I’m up to eight songs completed now.  I just finished both of the songs that I had to go back and rerecord the vocals for.  Both songs have really been frustrating to me.  I thought I had the vocals done a week ago, but after a later listen I just couldn’t live with them… and give how bad most of the crap I leave in can be, that is really saying something.

This one needed the most work of the two.  It’s kind of a snooze.  I didn’t do a 12-bar blues this year, so this sort of takes the place of a slow blues tune.  I guess.

This next song was titled “So Frustrating” before it became a frustrating mess.  Sort of prophetic of me, eh?  Almost like I knew what was come.  I didn’t, but it seems that way now.  This is one of a couple of attempts this year to make 6/8 time rock.  I like this one, except for all the clipping.  Urgh.

I’m packing up for now.  It’s 5:22, I’ve been at this since about 7:00 or so.  My head is pounding, possibly from the headphones, and just as possibly from the fact that I have not had any caffeine today, and my fingers won’t play the guitar the way I want them to anymore.  I might sneak in another one later tonight, and I will definitely try to get one or two done tomorrow before work.  Only three days left.

I’m cautiously optimistic.


Is it true that your immune system does most of its heavy lifting while you are asleep?  Might that be why I have been so completely exhausted over the last couple of days?

I felt sleepy all day Saturday but for the most part I was okay.  Round about 10:00pm I was toast though.  I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  Last night I hit the wall at bout 7:30.  The four of us were all in the living room just hanging out together and I think I might have dozed off a couple of times.  That usually doesn’t happen.  I went to bed at 10:00 or so and was sound asleep by 10:30.  I woke up once in the night, briefly, at about 1:30 and then I was out again until the alarm went off at 5:00.  I know I hit the snooze a couple of times, but I don’t recall doing it five times.  However, I was up and out of bed at 5:50 after the fifth snooze.  I felt great.  I was wide awake and alert and loving it.

At 7:00 I was in the car with the kids, taking them to their Dad’s house before school.  At 7:20 I stopped at a gas station convenience store and picked up (ironically) a caffeine laden coca~cola.  I then started my long drive to work.

By the time I parked my car I was exhausted again.  Seven hours of good sleep gave me about 2.5 hours of full alertness.  Now I’m tired and groggy again.

Hopefully this is my body telling me to go to sleep so it can continue to kick the crap out of the eternally lingering illness.  I’m still coughing.  I’m still having bouts of stuffiness.  I’m still having bouts of runny nose.  I even had a killer headache yesterday.  I am ready for this crap to end, NOW.

Jen is still in the same boat.  She has the same symptoms she’s had for the last couple of week.  No change.

I want this to be over, right now.  I have been saying that for weeks though.