So Unbelievably Terrible

I just can’t. I can’t put it into words. Tonight’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead is so bad. It’s just… sooo bad. Every episode this season has ranged between horrible and stupid. Unwatchable and ridiculous. Tonight’s episode has to be the worst of them all. I didn’t think they could do worse than the crying baby episode, but this one just blows the crying baby episode out of the water. Granted, there was a lot of crying baby in tonight’s cold open, but it actually went down from there.

Oh my god this is terrible!

Blindness Can Be Funny

I’m kidding. Blindness is not funny. Being a dumbass who wears glasses however can sometimes lead to funny stuff.

This happened while I was at my parents house yesterday and I laughed at myself, but by the time I straightened it all out I wasn’t in a funny mood anymore so I didn’t write about it. I’m at home today and it’s getting funny again. A little. Sort of.

My parents have a bottle of lens cleaner in the bathroom. My glasses were dirty as hell after having balled my eyes out into them for a while the night before. I went into the bathroom, ripped some tissue off the roll, took off my glasses, grabbed the bottle and sprayed the shit out of my lenses. That’s when I smelled it. A nice, fresh, sweet scent that wafted back to me from my glasses, and from the hand holding my glasses. What the hell? I looked at the bottle, but without my glasses I couldn’t read the label. Pretty clearly I grabbed the wrong bottle.

I cleaned the glasses as best I could, put them back on, and through the streaks and the fog and the haze I could see that I did not, in fact, spray my glasses with lens cleaner. Instead I sprayed them with scented body wash, which was in a nearly identical bottle right next to the lens cleaner.

12 pounds of actual lens cleaner later and I could see again. The reason I bring this up now is…

…Man, my glasses are dirty again. Where’s my lens cleaner?

The Stand: Not Quite Spoiler Free Review

I’ve already written one mostly spoiler free commentary about the new CBS mini series version of Stephen King’s The Stand. Now that the final episode is out I can give another mostly spoiled free review that briefly covers the whole thing.

I’m trying to stay spoiler free, but I can’t guarantee success. If you want to watch the series and you don’t want even vague hints at how it goes then you should stop reading now.

Last warning.

Okay, kids. Here we go.

The best part of The Stand is that it’s over. Good lord this series is awful. Just terrible. Like, I’ve read the book (both the original and the expanded versions) multiple times and I can’t even begin to imagine how they could have missed the mark so thoroughly and completely and massively screwed up such a fantastic story. The level of awful cannot be overstated.

The first half of the book is the world falling apart. The second half is putting it back together while the good guys face off with the bad guys. In the series it opens up in the second half of the story and gives a few flashbacks to the first half. It basically skipped everything you wanted to see. In the book the good guys congregate in one city and the bad guys in another. In the series, literally everything that happens in the bad guy city is so horribly bad it is unwatchable. The setting, the mood, the dialog, the acting, the casting, the writing, it’s all so bad it was painful to sit through. The good guy city is better, much better, but they still miss all the things that made the book so good.

The best parts of the series, with a couple of exceptions, are boring. Not bad per se, just boring and uninteresting. The exceptions being the final episode, which was mostly pretty good. We knew going in that King had written a mostly new ending. It’s not that good, but it’s okay. the other exception is Greg Kinnear who is excellent as Glen. When he’s on the screen it’s almost good enough to make up for everything else being so boring.

The worst parts of the series are so far off the mark they made me feel sick. In the book the bad guy sets up a society that is basically a police state. Law, order, peace, safety, all paid for by the removal of all human rights and freedoms. Trump would have loved it. In the movie his town is depicted as one part orgy and one part gladiator blood sport. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. So instead of Flag being this menacing behind the scenes villain, he’s a pimp. They couldn’t have made it worse if they actively tried. Even the climactic ending was depicted in such an absolutely stupid way that I was thinking about offing myself so that I wouldn’t have to watch it all the way through.

All of that is maddeningly terrible, but it’s still better than whatever the hell Ezra Miller was doing. To say that his performance is the worst display of acting I’ve ever seen is possibly the biggest understatement in the history of language.

If you’ve read the book, I recommend that you never, ever try to watch this series. If you haven’t read the book, I still recommend that you never, ever try to watch this series. I don’t think it is humanly possible to tell the story of The Stand and make it worse than this. It can’t be done.

Representative Brian Mast (R-FL) is an Idiot – May 7, 2017 Edition

https://twitter.com/aravosis/status/860240955311624194

This one isn’t as bad as yesterday’s fascist collaborator moron in Congress video, but it’s got me just as pissed off.  Give it a view, it’s a quickie.

Congressman, how do you know that this bill isn’t going to destroy the lives of millions of people seeing as there was no analysis done on it by any economic or medical groups at all and there is zero evidence to show that anything it says will even come close to doing anything it’s supposed to?

“I know.”

I know things too, you fucking piece of dog shit.  I know you just raped millions of constituents in order to line the pockets of the super rich.  Hey congressman from Florida, how many of your voters are on medicaid?  You know medicaid, that thing you just gutted?  Who bought you, congressman?  Who bought your vote?  Which fascists do you answer to now?

Enjoy your stay in the US House of Representatives.  It will come to an abrupt end in just under two years.

Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID) is an Unimaginable Schmuck – May 6, 2017 Edition

Watch this.  Beware though, you are about to see a demonstration of utter stupidity that cannot be fathomed.  Watch it anyway.

 

During a town hall meeting one of his constituents happened to mention that people will die without health insurance.  He responded by saying that no one dies from not having access to healthcare.

This friggin’ schmuck actually said that.  You alt-right fascist apologists can’t call this one fake news because it’s right there on video.  I heard it with my own ears.  This guy said the single dumbest thing I have ever heard a politician utter.  No one dies from not having access to healthcare.

Tell me, Congressman Labrador, you insulting piece of shit, what would happen to my step son if he didn’t have access to healthcare?  He’s a type one diabetic and needs insulin to live.  What would happen to him?

Tell me, Congressman Labrador, you mental midget, what would have happened to my mother if, when she developed a brain tumor, she had not had access to the healthcare that saved her life?  Tell me, you fucking tool.  Tell me what would have happened to her.

Voters in Idaho.  Come the mid-term election, you know what to do.  Kick this despicable schmuck out of office.  Send his moron ass packing.  We’re counting on you.

I am an Idiot

Sometimes my own stupid just floors me.

Twice in the last four days I have written on this little bloggerino that in order to see the sun rise you have to face West.

West.

What a friggin’ idiot!  I’m like, f*ck you, puppet!  Only in this case I’m the puppet!

East, you idiot.  The sun rises in the East.

Damn, what a jerk!

Market Bastard

I know, I know, we’re all really glad to have Market Basket back again. It did suck while they were gone, and we were all united in our support of the staff.

It’s just that I sort of wish the millions of imbeciles would have found another place to shop. I went there this afternoon looking for two little things. I was stuck in the insufferable mob of stupid and there was no way to get free without leaving a trail of blood and sweat behind me.

I made it in one piece… this time.

Another Day of Snow Sucking Up the Place

I took the kids to their Dad’s house this morning so that they could catch their rides to school.  I was a little surprised by the state of some of the roads.  The snow ended yesterday morning, but it still was a little sloppy here and there.  Route 93 North seemed to be much icier than I had expected.

I’m working from home today, so I didn’t have to deal with my long commute.  My wife, however, has to go to a training in Boston today.  She left the house at 6:30am.  She called me at 8:00 and she’d only made it about half way, if that.  As of 8:15 she still wasn’t even remotely close.

Why?

Is this a case of the state dropping the ball on cleaning up the highways, or is it just an example of a phenomenon that occurs each year where most drivers react to the first snowfall of the year by completely forgetting how to drive in the snow.  I would guess that it’s a combination, but frankly the snow fell yesterday and both things should have been cleared up by today.

Hang in there, my love.  Be safe.  I love you!

Play Station 3 Question

We have a Play Station 3. In our house it is about 90% blu ray player and 10% game console. Tonight it has been 100% frustrating.

There is a movie that my stunning wife wants to watch. FiOS on demand doesn’t have it. Netflix doesn’t have it. Apple TV doesn’t have it. Amazon’s video rental service does. Jen was looking for a way to view the rented flick on the TV instead of on the computer. It turns out that Amazon will stream to a PS3 app. Nice.

In order to get the app we had to take a system update. After that we had to install the app. Then we needed to take an update to the app. All of that is annoying, but we haven’t reached the real annoying part yet.

After the app update installed we were prompted to sign in to the Play Station network. Ummm.. None of us actually use the network. We haven’t had to sign in since like 2008. Jen tried to guess the password with no success. I tried too, no dice. The only screen we could get to only allowed signing in, it did not give the option to create a new account, and it did not give the option to go back to the home screen and do something else.

Jen in her usual genius turned to Google and learned that we needed to call customer service to get the password reset. Ummm… Okay. Jen called and spent a long time on hold. Once she got a service rep she was told she needed to give them our unit’s serial number and then they would mail us a reset. Mail… Not email, mail. It would take 3-5 business days.

She hung up.

So, internets, my question to you is, is there a better way?