Tag: Stress

I am Bad at Predictions

More proof that I ain’t no prophet, right?

In the last post I wished everyone an easy Friday at work. Within 10 minutes of punching in this morning I got hit by a metaphorical bus known as one of our biggest customers. Everything is under control now, but yikes, eh?

Why does Apple’s podcast app suck so bad? Specifically on iPadOS. It keeps crashing and losing it’s place and what the hell, bro? I already listened to that Loki Episode 2 podcast, I don’t want to listen to it again, and I was halfway through this other Loki Episode 2 podcast so why are you starting from the beginning again? Also, where the hell are the new episodes of podcasts I subscribe to? They aren’t all a day late, are they? Come on, Apple. You want to lose to some crap fest like Stitcher? Or, heaven forbid, Spotify? Crud, babie. Crud. Get your podcast catching ass in gear, okay?

So, Loki… are they going to pull a fast one on us and have the TVA end up as the bad guys? If you think that’s a spoiler, read the title of this post again. No spoilers here, unless we’re talking about Fear the Walking Dead. I’ll spoil the shit out of that dumpster fire (no I won’t). Those of us who are still watching deserve it. Masochism, babie. Masochism.

I need to play guitar this weekend. I need to cut the grass, but I need to play guitar. Do you get where I’m coming from? While I need to watch the new Rick and Morty episode this weekend, I need to play guitar. Yeah, you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

Okay then. Back to work, fat boy. Back to work.

I Have a Bad Feeling About This

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but ever since I got to my mother’s house I have had this sense of impending doom. Like, take Star Wars super fandom out of the equation and say, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I don’t know what the bad feeling is, and I don’t even know what it’s referring to. I just feel like the hammer is about to fall and it’s likely going to fall right on top of my fat head.

Please note that I am not thinking about The Bruins. They are up 1-0 after one period and I am fairly optimistic they will come out of this game with a lead in the series. Even after getting seriously outplayed for a chunk of game two, they still took it to overtime. I think they are going to be okay.

I also don’t think this has anything to do with Jen and the kids. All is well at home. There is nothing on the horizon that we can’t handle, and that includes the imminent empty nest. I am fully happy and content and confident with home life.

Everything else is fucked. Why do I feel this way? What the hell is wrong with me? It’s summer. Lighten up, Francis.

Temper Fail

I was just reading posts from one year ago today, like you do. Just trying to see how the beginning of the covid clusterfuck was comparing to the current covid clusterfuck. There was a post where I was talking about how everything was different but how it hadn’t sunk in yet. Mostly I was talking about work, but I also got personal a bit. I challenged myself to do something and reading it today I realized that I have failed in that personal challenge many times. This is what I wrote:

I can’t lose my temper… ever.  The stress level world wide right now is insanely high and am nervous that my temper’s fuse is now really short.  I cannot cannot cannot lose it.  I have to pay close attention not only to what I say to people, but how I say it.  I can’t snap.  I can’t sound pissy.  I can’t be anything other than cool and supportive. 

Okay… well… I think I’ve lived up to that more often than not, but there have been many times… many times where I have let something get under my skin that under normal world circumstances wouldn’t have bothered me at all and I’ve turned into a snapping prick and just lost my cool completely.

So allow me to take a moment to apologize to any and all people who have seen me lose my temper. I should have been a better person than I was and I am sorry.

Maybe as things start getting back to a more 2019 flavor of normal I might be able to be less of a dick when things get stressy. Here’s hoping.

Stressful Day Ahead

I knew today was going to be stressful. Lots of meetings, lots of important imminent deadline kind of things. Work was going to be busy. Then last night the hospital asked to have a call with all of us at some point today to review the next steps for my father. They will let us know when. So all of my stress-filled plans are in flux so that I can join a call that will likely cause my stress level to increase exponentially.

It’s going to be a rough one today. Next week, when things actually happen at the hospital, is going to be worse but I’ll hurl myself off that stress inducing bridge when I come to it.

Yippee.

Good News is Scary

We got some good news about my father’s condition today. I should be happy. I should be thrilled. I am, partly, but I’m also scared out of my gourd. The good news involves coming home from the hospital for a couple of days before going back to the hospital again for major surgery. We thought he would be staying in until the surgery and the post-op recovery were complete.

He’s good enough to come home early. Yes! He’s still going back next week. No!

My emotional state feels like scrambled eggs look.

A Little Lost

My head doesn’t feel like it’s on straight today. Why is today any different than yesterday?

Dad was moved to a new hospital on Tuesday and spent the day yesterday getting all sorts of tests. We have an idea of what’s coming but we don’t know when and we don’t have any details. It feels like we’re back into a holding pattern and it’s messing with me.

Something I ate last night (too many peanuts, methinks) isn’t playing nicely today and it’s irritating the hell out of me. Stupid digestive system. I also got a pretty shitty night’s sleep last night. That’s not helping the situation.

I have meetings booked for the entire morning and part of the afternoon. What if a call or a text comes in while I’m busy and I can’t get to it? What if I miss something?

I feel useless and pointless and lost right now. Well… I probably always feel a little useless and pointless and lost, but now those feelings are kind of taking over and I don’t like it.

Is This a Bad Sign?

I was running around like a nut today, all kinds of busy, getting stuff done, meeting deadlines.  My mind was wandering and I really wasn’t paying attention, but when the thought, “it’s been a long day” popped into my head I had to stop and assess the situation.

I looked at my watch.  5:50am.  I had literally only been awake for 50 minutes and I was already thinking that it’s been a long day.

That is a bad sign, right?  I am in serious trouble today, for sure.

At least it’s the last day before a long weekend, and the kids are at our house for the whole thing.

Bright side, babie.  Bright side!

Guitars Have a Hidden Use

Did you know that a guitar is more than just a musical instrument? It has an extra hidden use too. You know those stress ball things that you are supposed to squeeze the hell out of when life gets you down? Well stress balls ain’t got shit on an electric guitar. When the feels start overwhelming you, like say if the United States just swore in a fascist prick as it’s new chief executive, you can bash the living daylights out of your guitar until the pain of the real world subsides slightly, or until your fingers start bleeding.