Temper Fail

I was just reading posts from one year ago today, like you do. Just trying to see how the beginning of the covid clusterfuck was comparing to the current covid clusterfuck. There was a post where I was talking about how everything was different but how it hadn’t sunk in yet. Mostly I was talking about work, but I also got personal a bit. I challenged myself to do something and reading it today I realized that I have failed in that personal challenge many times. This is what I wrote:

I can’t lose my temper… ever.  The stress level world wide right now is insanely high and am nervous that my temper’s fuse is now really short.  I cannot cannot cannot lose it.  I have to pay close attention not only to what I say to people, but how I say it.  I can’t snap.  I can’t sound pissy.  I can’t be anything other than cool and supportive. 

Okay… well… I think I’ve lived up to that more often than not, but there have been many times… many times where I have let something get under my skin that under normal world circumstances wouldn’t have bothered me at all and I’ve turned into a snapping prick and just lost my cool completely.

So allow me to take a moment to apologize to any and all people who have seen me lose my temper. I should have been a better person than I was and I am sorry.

Maybe as things start getting back to a more 2019 flavor of normal I might be able to be less of a dick when things get stressy. Here’s hoping.

Stressful Day Ahead

I knew today was going to be stressful. Lots of meetings, lots of important imminent deadline kind of things. Work was going to be busy. Then last night the hospital asked to have a call with all of us at some point today to review the next steps for my father. They will let us know when. So all of my stress-filled plans are in flux so that I can join a call that will likely cause my stress level to increase exponentially.

It’s going to be a rough one today. Next week, when things actually happen at the hospital, is going to be worse but I’ll hurl myself off that stress inducing bridge when I come to it.

Yippee.

Good News is Scary

We got some good news about my father’s condition today. I should be happy. I should be thrilled. I am, partly, but I’m also scared out of my gourd. The good news involves coming home from the hospital for a couple of days before going back to the hospital again for major surgery. We thought he would be staying in until the surgery and the post-op recovery were complete.

He’s good enough to come home early. Yes! He’s still going back next week. No!

My emotional state feels like scrambled eggs look.

A Little Lost

My head doesn’t feel like it’s on straight today. Why is today any different than yesterday?

Dad was moved to a new hospital on Tuesday and spent the day yesterday getting all sorts of tests. We have an idea of what’s coming but we don’t know when and we don’t have any details. It feels like we’re back into a holding pattern and it’s messing with me.

Something I ate last night (too many peanuts, methinks) isn’t playing nicely today and it’s irritating the hell out of me. Stupid digestive system. I also got a pretty shitty night’s sleep last night. That’s not helping the situation.

I have meetings booked for the entire morning and part of the afternoon. What if a call or a text comes in while I’m busy and I can’t get to it? What if I miss something?

I feel useless and pointless and lost right now. Well… I probably always feel a little useless and pointless and lost, but now those feelings are kind of taking over and I don’t like it.

Is This a Bad Sign?

I was running around like a nut today, all kinds of busy, getting stuff done, meeting deadlines.  My mind was wandering and I really wasn’t paying attention, but when the thought, “it’s been a long day” popped into my head I had to stop and assess the situation.

I looked at my watch.  5:50am.  I had literally only been awake for 50 minutes and I was already thinking that it’s been a long day.

That is a bad sign, right?  I am in serious trouble today, for sure.

At least it’s the last day before a long weekend, and the kids are at our house for the whole thing.

Bright side, babie.  Bright side!

Guitars Have a Hidden Use

Did you know that a guitar is more than just a musical instrument? It has an extra hidden use too. You know those stress ball things that you are supposed to squeeze the hell out of when life gets you down? Well stress balls ain’t got shit on an electric guitar. When the feels start overwhelming you, like say if the United States just swore in a fascist prick as it’s new chief executive, you can bash the living daylights out of your guitar until the pain of the real world subsides slightly, or until your fingers start bleeding.

The Christmas Season is Here

I don’t like Christmas. Well, that’s not entirely true. I love Christmas. I just hate all the crap that leads up to it. My step son asked me why I get so stressed out around Christmas time. I told him because, for adults, Christmas is just the most stressful time of the year. It’s just the way it is. I usually try putting off the prep work for as long as possible. This year my family was okay with that to a small degree. The house remained Christmas free until December 10th. The season, however, is now officially in full swing.

There is a tree in the living room. It’s not decorated yet, but it will be today. Probably by lunch time.

Trips to the mall have been made. Mostly to help the kids get the various gifts for the various people they need to buy gifts for. Thus far we’ve been pretty unsuccessful, but amazon.com should fix things for everyone.

Speaking of which, amazon.com has been accessed and put to good use. It’s not over yet though, far from it.

We still need to finish the shopping and decorating. Then there is wrapping and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. Then there is cooking and cleaning and probably more decorating. Then Christmas eve we have my wife’s family over to do gifts with them. Then Christmas day itself comes and all of the stressing out and preparations are over and we can just enjoy the holiday.

Then we have to clean up. Yikes!

HoHoHo!

Random Flickr Pic

The work day is ending. I’ve wrapped up what I was working on. My wife is on her way here so that we can drive together to get the kids. I am in a complete state of terror that my phone will ring before I can sign out for the weekend.

Here’s a random Flickr Pic to help keep my mind off of the phone.

It’s Niagara Falls. Sure it’s only been a few weeks since we visited, but I wouldn’t mind going back with the kids.

Untitled

Three minutes until I can punch out.
Two minutes until I can punch out.
One minute until I can punch out.