Damn it, Roomba!

Our bedroom used to be the garage. There is a heavy door between the bedroom/ex-garage and the mud room that used to be an exit for the house proper. On Roomba nights we close that door most of the way. It’s closed enough that Roomba won’t come in, but open just enough that Patches the Wonder Cat can get in if she wants. The mud room is tiny, more like a breezeway than a mud room, but we call it the mud room. There is a door between the mud room and the kitchen that we always leave open. Sometimes if we have all the windows in the house open the breeze will blow it shut. Otherwise, it’s open.

I got up this morning. I needed to go into the kitchen. I was still 80% asleep and it was dark. I pushed open the mostly closed bedroom door, took two steps without really paying attention to what I was doing or really even opening my eyes all the way and


The kitchen door was closed about 50% of the way and I walked straight into it. I took most of the hit with my foot, I stubbed my toe something fierce, and the rest of it got me square in the face.

It looks like our friend, Man Servant Mr DJ Roomba, Esq tried to clean behind the kitchen door last night and left it part way closed. Fortunately there were no permanent injuries. Except for the injured pride.

Also, my iPad tried to install updates last night and I got an error stating that it was out of storage space. I don’t store anything on it. I put movies on it and music too, but only when I know there won’t be wifi, like when I was going on a plane to Florida 13 months ago. I’m not sure how my browser ended up with a billion gigs used. Like… what the hell?

Dispo Roomba

Mr DJ Roomba, Esq kicked off his journey at 3:00AM today. I woke up, for some unknown reason, about 10 minutes later. In my 99% asleep state I thought it would be funny to take a picture of Mr DJ Roomba, Esq rolling around the kitchen and dining room. I figured I’d use Dispo because I am a sucker who suffers from crippling FOMO.

I probably should have turned on the lights. In my defense, I was 99% asleep.

The Case of the Missing Roomba Part 2

I really don’t want this to become a thing for me, but here goes part two.

During Mr DJ Roomba, Esq’s Monday morning run he managed to get stuck behind a door in my step son’s bedroom and was unable to escape. Eventually his battery ran out. When I got up that morning and walked past his home base he wasn’t there.

This morning was Mr DJ Roomba, Esq’s first run since that tragedy and once again when I woke up and walked past his base he wasn’t there. How? This time I found him in the living room under a table. He got one of his wheels stuck on something and he couldn’t get free. I don’t know if he shut himself off or if he let his battery run out again. His dust bin was almost empty so it is safe to say he got stuck very early in his journey.

Poor Mr DJ Roomba, Esq. After a few weeks worth of successful missions he has now failed on consecutive outings. I’m not sure if I should give him an encouraging pep talk (you’ll do better tomorrow) or if I should be harsh with him (we’re looking into a performance improvement plan). Either way, he next rolls at 3:00 AM on Friday morning. Safer travels at that time, Mr DJ Roomba Esq.

The Journey of DJ Roomba

At 3:00am this morning Mr DJ Roomba (Esq) set off for his thrice weekly journey to vacuum up all the dirt from our floors. When I woke up a little after 6:00am I found that he failed to return home after completing his night’s (knight’s) work. Where was he? I checked the bathroom. No. The hallway. No. The kitchen. No. the living room. No. Well that’s about the only places he goes on his journeys. Where the hell was he?

Jen checked the iRobot app and it reported that Mr DJ Roomba (Esq)’s battery died before he made it home. It also had a map showing it’s last known location. It looked like it was in the hallway, but we knew it wasn’t there.

When we go to bed on a Roomba night we close the doors to the kids rooms, the office, and the cellar. Those doors were all still closed. Where could he be? We started looking under furniture in the living room and the dining room but all was clear.

Jen eventually found it. It was in Harry’s room. Somehow, Mr DJ Roomba (Esq), while cleaning the hallway, banged into the door hard enough to open it wide enough to sneak through. Then once it was in it banged the door closed again and couldn’t escape it’s self made prison.

I don’t know how long it was stuck in that room, but it was long enough that it cleaned the holy hell out of the place. That floor is clean enough to eat off of. That floor hasn’t been that clean since we moved into the house. It’s spectacular.

And that, gentle readers, is the tragic story of The Journey of Mr DJ Roomba (Esq).


Wanna know what the worst thing in New England is?

Having to get up before sunrise to shovel.

There wasn’t a lot today, just a couple of inches of very light and fluffy snow. I didn’t clean off the cars, but I did do all the shoveling and it only took half an hour or so. A successful morning, apart from the back pain, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck ass.

—Subject Change—

Our cat is traumatized. Our new robot pet (DJ*) Roomba kicked off at 3:00 AM again. It woke me up but didn’t keep me up, which is nice, but the cat…. oh the cat doesn’t like (DJ) Roomba at all. We’re not sure why but it kicks off a second time around 5:00 AM and as soon as it woke up Patches dashed into our room and hid under our new bed. The upside is that there is a lot more room for cats to hide under the new bed than there was under the old bed. So Ms Patches has that going for her.

*For those who aren’t in the know…

Crazy Friday

I’m 94 minutes away from a long weekend. There is talk of watching Hot Fuzz tonight. I need this work day to end now. It’s been wacky from the word go. Uncle! That’s me crying uncle for the day. Enough. Here, I’ll do it again, Uncle!

I have a research project to do this weekend. There is talk of a Roomba. Do I want to open the door to the oncoming robot apocalypse in order to keep my floors clean? The answer is probably yes, but it’s expensive.

This is also our last weekend with Bellana before she goes back to school. We must make it a good one, Roomba not withstanding.

WandaVision is out. The list of Marvel Cinematic Universe things I have not seen is now up to one movie and two TV episodes. WandaVision will be covered this weekend. Thor II… someday.

The Boston Bruins are 1-0 on the season. A perfect 56-0 is literally in our grasp. No it isn’t, but statement like this after one game are pretty obligatory.

Trump is still impeached, again. Trump’s term ends in five day.

88 minutes until the weekend. I need a vacation. I need a Covid-19-free vacation.