Two unrelated thoughts to share on this Sunday evening.
First, DJ Roomba will roll tonight. It’s been a bit of a prick the last week. It starts, it runs for a few minutes, it goes home with some whiney bitchy complaint like its dirt collector sensor is dirty or some horse shit. I think it’s just lazy and doesn’t want to work. So much for the robot uprising, right? I just cleaned the shit out of it, figuratively and literally, I guess. I think it’s clean enough to eat off of now. I don’t want to hear any complaints tonight. Just vacuum up the whole house and earn your friggin’ keep, robot.
The second Sunday evening thought is a television thought. Tonight, in about 17 minutes, the mid-season premier of Fear the Walking Dead will air. Now given that I am a compulsive television series completist, I will watch tonight’s episode. I will not, however, watch it tonight. The first half of this season was vomit inducingly bad. It’s the worst television I have ever made myself watch. I wish I could allow myself to never watch another episode of that god awful piece of shit, but this is me we’re talking about. I’ll watch it via the AMC website. Probably sometime tomorrow. I should pirate it though. I should watch it in a way that will not contribute to the ratings in any way in the hopes that AMC just puts a bullet in the show’s zombified head. Bang, done. All of the fantastic actors can go get work on shows that aren’t written by second graders with alarmingly low IQs. That’d be nice, right?
Oh! I forgot that I had a third thought for Sunday evening. Happy Easter, where applicable. It isn’t really applicable to me in any meaningful way apart from wishing people a happy Easter, and having a nice Easter dinner with the love of my life. She cooked a ham in the crock pot and she air fried some veggies and it was all delicious. Thank you, sweetie!
Okay. I will now finish my exercise for the day (13 minutes still to go) and watch me some Captain America: Civil War. Suck it, Fear the Walking Dead.
The wallboard folks asked if they could come early this morning. 7:30 or so. We were up and ready to go before 7:00.
Jen is trying to figure out why the Roomba stops working before it finishes. I just put a big tarp over the washer and the dryer before the sanding starts today. I’m also trying to sneak in Iron Man 2. I started watching it last night but didn’t get far.
The weekend is so close I can almost smell it. It’s been a tough week. I need a break. Jen and I are both getting to the point where we are feeling the remodeling fatigue. The construction blues. Whatever you want to call it. We just want it to be over. We still have a couple of weeks to go though. They are going to start taping and mudding and sanding the drywall today (are those the correct terms?). It will likely carry over to the beginning of next week. Then paint, then hopefully around the same time the painting wraps up the new flooring will be delivered and that can start. Once that’s done it’s on to the finishing work. Baseboards and things like that. Then we bring in some furniture. Maybe a nice rug. Homey the place up, you know? Then I move my desk downstairs, and then we take a nice long break from construction while I get my insides rewired.
Last night I took a picture of the Roomba to post here and somehow didn’t even notice that it was just barely off the charger. When it was supposed to run last night it did not because the battery was still dead from the last time it ran.
Stupid dead battery robot. How are you supposed to take over the world if you can’t even charge yourself? Sheesh.
The real reason I am posting this right now is not because of the utter robotic failure last night but because I am going to work in the office today and I don’t want to go so I am stalling.
Our bedroom used to be the garage. There is a heavy door between the bedroom/ex-garage and the mud room that used to be an exit for the house proper. On Roomba nights we close that door most of the way. It’s closed enough that Roomba won’t come in, but open just enough that Patches the Wonder Cat can get in if she wants. The mud room is tiny, more like a breezeway than a mud room, but we call it the mud room. There is a door between the mud room and the kitchen that we always leave open. Sometimes if we have all the windows in the house open the breeze will blow it shut. Otherwise, it’s open.
I got up this morning. I needed to go into the kitchen. I was still 80% asleep and it was dark. I pushed open the mostly closed bedroom door, took two steps without really paying attention to what I was doing or really even opening my eyes all the way and
The kitchen door was closed about 50% of the way and I walked straight into it. I took most of the hit with my foot, I stubbed my toe something fierce, and the rest of it got me square in the face.
It looks like our friend, Man Servant Mr DJ Roomba, Esq tried to clean behind the kitchen door last night and left it part way closed. Fortunately there were no permanent injuries. Except for the injured pride.
Also, my iPad tried to install updates last night and I got an error stating that it was out of storage space. I don’t store anything on it. I put movies on it and music too, but only when I know there won’t be wifi, like when I was going on a plane to Florida 13 months ago. I’m not sure how my browser ended up with a billion gigs used. Like… what the hell?
Mr DJ Roomba, Esq kicked off his journey at 3:00AM today. I woke up, for some unknown reason, about 10 minutes later. In my 99% asleep state I thought it would be funny to take a picture of Mr DJ Roomba, Esq rolling around the kitchen and dining room. I figured I’d use Dispo because I am a sucker who suffers from crippling FOMO.
I probably should have turned on the lights. In my defense, I was 99% asleep.
I really don’t want this to become a thing for me, but here goes part two.
During Mr DJ Roomba, Esq’s Monday morning run he managed to get stuck behind a door in my step son’s bedroom and was unable to escape. Eventually his battery ran out. When I got up that morning and walked past his home base he wasn’t there.
This morning was Mr DJ Roomba, Esq’s first run since that tragedy and once again when I woke up and walked past his base he wasn’t there. How? This time I found him in the living room under a table. He got one of his wheels stuck on something and he couldn’t get free. I don’t know if he shut himself off or if he let his battery run out again. His dust bin was almost empty so it is safe to say he got stuck very early in his journey.
Poor Mr DJ Roomba, Esq. After a few weeks worth of successful missions he has now failed on consecutive outings. I’m not sure if I should give him an encouraging pep talk (you’ll do better tomorrow) or if I should be harsh with him (we’re looking into a performance improvement plan). Either way, he next rolls at 3:00 AM on Friday morning. Safer travels at that time, Mr DJ Roomba Esq.
At 3:00am this morning Mr DJ Roomba (Esq) set off for his thrice weekly journey to vacuum up all the dirt from our floors. When I woke up a little after 6:00am I found that he failed to return home after completing his night’s (knight’s) work. Where was he? I checked the bathroom. No. The hallway. No. The kitchen. No. the living room. No. Well that’s about the only places he goes on his journeys. Where the hell was he?
Jen checked the iRobot app and it reported that Mr DJ Roomba (Esq)’s battery died before he made it home. It also had a map showing it’s last known location. It looked like it was in the hallway, but we knew it wasn’t there.
When we go to bed on a Roomba night we close the doors to the kids rooms, the office, and the cellar. Those doors were all still closed. Where could he be? We started looking under furniture in the living room and the dining room but all was clear.
Jen eventually found it. It was in Harry’s room. Somehow, Mr DJ Roomba (Esq), while cleaning the hallway, banged into the door hard enough to open it wide enough to sneak through. Then once it was in it banged the door closed again and couldn’t escape it’s self made prison.
I don’t know how long it was stuck in that room, but it was long enough that it cleaned the holy hell out of the place. That floor is clean enough to eat off of. That floor hasn’t been that clean since we moved into the house. It’s spectacular.
And that, gentle readers, is the tragic story of The Journey of Mr DJ Roomba (Esq).