Tag: health

Stressfully Quiet

It really looked like my mother was going to have a super bad night tonight, but she somehow managed to fall asleep and she’s been out like a light for about half an hour now. Dad is asleep on the hospital bed in the living room. The Red Sox game is still on. If he stays asleep I should be able to take the remote from him. Unless he moves it, of course.

Despite the apparent ease of the evening, I have been stressed out like crazy. No real reason. The half deaf conversations are tough to handle (what did you say? No, what did you say? What?) but it shouldn’t be enough to generate this level of stress. So what is it?

I don’t know, but I think it might just be that I am reaching my limit. I maybe have already reached the limit and gone way past it. I’m not sure. Let’s just get through tonight and tomorrow, and then I can have a stormy, hurricaney day on Sunday, and then we get to spend two days with Bellana.

Come on, Robert. Just focus on the college kid coming home. Focus on the college kid coming home.

Jinx Part Two

Remember a couple of posts back where I said I was suddenly a jinx at work? Oddly enough, the word jinx came up again in a totally unrelated topic today.

I am actually afraid to mention it out of fear of actually jinxing it myself because irony is dead.

We have something in the works for my parents’ healthcare situation. We got some info today that if it happens would be a gift from the healthcare gods, but the person relaying the info actually said that they didn’t want to jinx it.

Holy shit snacks, please don’t let this be jinxed.

Please let the superstitious jinxing be localized to that one issue at work.

Pretty please.

Oh, and did I mention that Lizardfish covers Stevie Wonder’s Superstition? Is that enough to keep all superstitious coincidences at bay for a few decades? That’d be nice, m’kay.

It is Not Friday

Why is it that every time I work from my parents house I manage to convince myself that it is Friday. The last time I worked here it was Friday, but today is not Friday. Today is Wednesday and here I am thinking about the things I want to do tomorrow when I don’t have to work because tomorrow is Saturday.

No, asshole. Tomorrow is not Saturday. Today is not Friday. Today is Wednesday and tomorrow is Thursday.

My parents are both watching TV. Dad’s in the living room. Mom is in the bedroom. They are watching the same show. He is watching the HD channel. She is watching the SD channel. There is a fraction of a second delay on one of them (I can’t tell which) so the audio isn’t lining up. It’s close, but it’s off, and it is driving my auditory nerve up the fucking wall.

I have a meeting in two minutes. Headphones, blessed headphones, save me from this noise!

Last Night Sucked

Last night sucked but I think it was all in my head. At least I don’t know if my reaction to the situation was appropriate, or was it a huge overreaction. It honestly doesn’t matter, the night just sucked.

I didn’t sleep much on Monday night. By the time I finished up my parent sitting duties (around 8:00pm) I was really tired and starting to get crabby. When my mother started dozing off in the living room I tried a couple of times to get her to go to bed. At one point she actually said she was going to bed and then fell back to sleep. My father offered me the TV remote when the Sox game ended. Not because he was going to sleep, just because he was being nice. I knew he wanted to watch the news so I let him. That was the last I saw of the remote.

When did my temper tantrum start? After 10:00, at least. Maybe around 11:00? I really needed to sleep, that’s all. I know they are both half deaf and crank the TV volume, I know they put the TV on as background noise (my mother’s TV is on right now even though she’s not in the room with it), I just really needed to go to sleep.

My father woke up a little before 1:00 and turned off the TV. He also turned off the air conditioner, so you win some and you lose some, I guess. My mother was still asleep on the recliner but I didn’t care anymore. I turned on the light in her room and lowered the volume on the TV. I didn’t turn it off because I’m pretty sure if I did she would not be able to turn it back on by herself. I wanted her to be able to have enough light to get back to her room if she needed to, but I sure as hell turned off the light in the living room before wiring myself up to the CPAP and going to sleep. I woke up a little less than four hours later, because I always wake up after a little less than four hours when I am on that piece of shit love seat that passes for a couch, and she was in bed with the TV and the light both off. I was able to go back to sleep eventually and I ended up with 4.75 hours of sleep. Yipdy-fucking-doo.

My mother was up long before I was. After she finished her morning routine I went into the bathroom to do mine. When I walked in there, I knew my father’s piss jug (they gave him one at the hospital to take home in case he has an emergency in the middle of the night and can’t get himself up in time) was half full. I made a note that I would empty it for him before I got him his 8:00am pills. When I got out of the shower the piss jug was empty. No one walked into the bathroom while I was in there. If they had, they might have seen me throw a temper tantrum over the empty bottle of shampoo, but no one did. I have to assume that means one of them, most likely my mother because I’m pretty sure my father didn’t stand up until around 8:20, dumped the jug full of piss down the kitchen sink. So remind me not to put anything in the fucking kitchen sink today.

…and after all that, I get to punch into work now. Woo-fucking-hoo.

Yes, I am probably overreacting to everything. I honestly don’t care. I am due for a temper tantrum or 12.

Bed Time is Never

So the TV is cranked and my father is sleeping on the remote. My mother is asleep on the chair next to me while the TV in her bedroom is still on and cranked. They are both sound asleep and I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m not sleeping ever again. My little “bed” is made and ready for me (it’s a two seat couch that’s about two feet shorter than I am) and my CPAP machine is hooked up even though I’m never going to sleep again ever. I’ve got noise cancelling headphones on even though I swore I’d never do that because I need to be able to hear them and I’m listening to music on my iPad at full fucking blast because I CANT FUCKING TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

I can’t wait to have to work tomorrow even though I’m never going to sleep again for as long as I fucking live and I am so fucking pissed off right now that I can’t fucking fucking think fucking straight.

Oh Good

My mother came into the living room, sat down in my father’s recliner, and fell asleep. That was an hour ago. Dad is asleep on the hospital bed. The TV is still on and the volume is alarmingly loud because they are both half deaf…

and now we’re all sleeping in the fucking living room

What the fuck??????

Step Taken

Just heard from my brother. The thing that was supposed to happen today that represents another step toward the end of our long familial struggle happened today. He said it seemed to go well. He mentioned a couple of times that everyone is on the same page. Us… Them… Those other folks too… all on the same page.

Good news.

Back at it Tonight

I am going to be back at my parents house tonight. I’m trying to be optimistic and keep my head together but there are a couple of things going on at work that are seriously getting under my skin. I’m trying to be helpful but it’s just not working. I don’t know why or how, I just know that I’m about to take a nutty off the deep end of life.

I’m trying to eat my lunch but the universe just won’t let me. To make matters worse, I just dropped a pretzel on the floor. What a sad waste of a delicious snack food.

Oh, and the Red Sox are playing the Yankees right now and the Yankees are up 2-0 after two innings. Yippee.

On the up side, another small step toward a solution to the parent health care problem is scheduled to happen later today. It’ll be wrapped up before I get there so I will be sending red head vibes and crossed fingers from home.

I don’t want to be in a perpetual state of freak out, or an endless state of annoyed. I just want things to be manageable, you know?

Okay, I am going to finish my lunch now. Wish me luck.

“Exercise”

The clock was fast approaching 10:00pm and thanks to our glorious flake day I still hadn’t closed two of my Activity app rings. Move was about 3/4 done, but exercise… I had five minutes from going up and down the cellar stairs for laundry and flood clean up, but that was it. Five minutes down and 25 to go.

When Jen went to bed I went down stairs to check on the flood situation. While I was down there I “exercised” for 15 minutes. That’s the longest I’ve gone at once since I started this whole ring closing push two weeks ago.

After that I went upstairs to the bed room and gave my back a good 20-30 minutes of rest before getting up and finishing with 10 more minutes. Kick ass! I had all three rings closed at 11:00, with a full hour to spare.

I’m going to be busy tomorrow so it’s not a guarantee, but I’ve got a shot at my first perfect week in a long time.

Kick ass, dude.