Tag: health

Sleepless

Trouble sleeping again tonight. I tried watching a couple of shows on Hulu and I started messing with a simple new song idea.

I’m guessing the sleep issues stem from the combination of soul crushing guilt and too much caffeine during the work day trying to compensate for the previous night’s lack of sleep.

It’s midnight and the alarm is set for 6:00am. If I sleep now I can get a solid six hours. That’s usually a good night for me, but 7-8 hours is better.

Okay, I’m going to lay down and try again, though the cat is meowing up a storm. Wish me luck, dear readers.

Lights out. Sweet dreams.

Back in the ER

I just got word. My father is back in the ER. The never ending hospital stay ramps up for round three.

I feel like the whole family is just beaten down. It’s not even my ass in the hospital bed. I can’t imagine how my father feels right now.

It’s just overwhelming and heart breaking and I want my family back.

Changes Coming?

It’s starting to look like my father might be heading back to a rehabilitation hospital soon. It’s all up in the air, but it’s trending that way.

I feel completely overwhelmed, and I’ve been there a tiny fraction of the time my siblings have been there. I can’t imagine how they’ve held on. I feel like the phrase that describes how I feel might be shell shocked but that’s probably not right.

I never would have thought going back to the hospital would feel like a positive step, but it does. That is just heart breaking.

Weight Loss Surgery

A few years ago I had my doctor refer me to a bariatric surgery information session. I went, and then booked the first consult. Not long after I canceled the consult. I just chickened out.

I think I’m going to start the process over again. I think it’s time to take a serious look. At my age, the time for screwing around with my health is long over.

I’m scared shitless, of course, but I’m going to do it.

Wish me luck.

No Bottom

Word of advise:

Don’t tell yourself that it can’t get any worse than it already is because it absolutely can. You might think you’re at rock bottom but then the universe shows up with a huge, cosmic shovel and proves you wrong.

Just letting you all in on that secret. You’re welcome, folks!

Sleepy

We are hoping everyone in both houses gets a good nights sleep. Everyone but me, that is. I’m taking the first watch, so to speak.

I’m pretty sleepy though, and I’m losing the fight to stay awake, not even a cool video on Burst Les Pauls can keep me going.

Graduation is tomorrow. Time to rest up, I think.

Bad Day

So this little bloggie is turning into quite the pity party, eh? Oh well, what are you gonna do?

Bad day so far today. It’s calming down now. No details and everyone and everything is fine. I need to relax and breathe and normalize and reset. I had myself a pretty heavy balling-my-eyes-out-breakdown today, and not the kind of breakdown that goes in the middle of the song for the lead guitarist to shred over.

Breathe, fat boy
Breathe, fat boy
Breathe, fat boy

Probably Jinxing Myself

It’s been quiet here tonight. Dad has been okay. He hasn’t gotten out of bed which is good for my stress level but not so good for his recovery. He needs to get some strength back in his legs and staying in bed is not going to get him there. I’ll see if I can coax him up during the odd coffee break tomorrow.

My mother was in a lot of pain when I got here, but after her last round of meds she went to bed and has been sleeping soundly ever since.

I got a jump on the work day by setting up my computer and everything I need for tomorrow tonight. The last blog post was written on my MacBook while sitting in the living room. This one is being written on my work issued HP while sitting at the workspace in the dining room. That cheap little USB fan is running and as always it is glorious.

I still need to set up my CPAP machine in the living room. I will have to do it in the dark as dad is in there sleeping. I’ve heard the odd snore, so he’s definitely asleep. Mostly I am sitting here writing this because I am waiting for my iPhone and my Apple Watch to charge before I turn in. On previous trips here I would setup a power strip near the couch I sleep on and plug everything in there. It’s not easy to do now as we had a hospital bed setup in that room yesterday and all of the places I would sit things on while they charged have been replaced with piles and piles of stuff. I don’t want to sit a power strip or a laptop on top of that stuff as I’m not sure if any of it might be a fire hazard or not. Shoot me for being extra cautions. So now I’ll just use one plug for the CPAP machine and keep my phone next to the machine with an alarm set. Of all the times I’ve been here over the last couple of months, I have never actually needed the alarm. I’ve always managed to be up long before it goes off. That’s not necessarily a good thing.

I thought about trying to write a little music while I sit here waiting. I have the MacBook and GarageBand with me after all. No… I can’t get into it. I feel too uncomfortable with headphones on.

Okay. I am going to start the turning in process now. Wish me luck.

So Far So Good

Tonight’s a parents’ house night. My 24 hour shift started about an hour and a half ago. My brother was here when I got here and he said it was a pretty quiet day. Yesterday was a nightmare and I wasn’t here for any of it. Will the universe give me a shit day tomorrow to even things out? Goodness, I hope not.

I got them leftovers for dinner and I got them their 8:00pm pills. Apparently my father is supposed to have eye drops with his pills. I didn’t know that, and I didn’t give them when I was here on Sunday night/Monday. I guess now I know, and knowing is half the battle, right?

Dad is watching the Red Sox. They are losing to the Astros. So Major League Baseball seems to have a new cheating scandal brewing? Spider Tack? You heard it here last, just remember that.

I’ve got the Bruins radio coverage on my phone. Like a shit head I forgot my AirPods again. I have a set of ear buds that have a lightning cable and I have a pair of Bose over the ear, noise cancelling cans to use with my computer. I’m going with the ear buds with one ear open. I don’t want to use the Bose because I want to be able to hear if one of my parents calls me. The Bruins and the Islanders are tied at one in the second period. I need, need, need a Bruins win.

Shit… the Islanders just scored. We’re losing 2-1. Shit.

I had something else I wanted to write about. What the hell was it?

Don’t get old, kids. It blows. It’s better than the alternative, but sometimes it just blows.

Go Bruins.

He’s Having a Really Bad Day

I just spoke to my sister. My father had a bad day today. I am not going into details, but he had a really, really bad day today.

I don’t know what we’re going to do.

He had a doctor’s appointment with his primary care physician this morning. I sent my sister a text asking if there was any news and she asked me to call. Just as the call connected, a huge thunderstorm broke out. Lightning, thunder, downpour, the full works. The storm outside was almost as bad as the storm my sister filled me in on, but not quite.

Fuck.