Bad Vibes on a Bad Monday

I am not going to go into details but there was something in the track record of the company I’ve worked for for almost 19 years that made me very happy. As of this afternoon, that something is no longer in our track record.

It doesn’t affect me or anyone that I work with directly, but I really feel let down. I was proud of this little factoid and I can’t be proud of it anymore. It sucks.

Also, it’s gloomy and rainy out and I had a crappy night’s sleep last night and I don’t feel like I’ve physically recovered from this morning’s exercise. I guess I am just not having a terribly good day today and I am bummed out.

That Sucked

There were a number of possible titles for this post. Hills. Don’t Get Cocky. The App Crashed. The App Lied to Me. In the end I summarized them all by just going with That Sucked.

I tried to get a little creative with today’s couch to 5k thing. I varied my route a little. That was a mistake. That put my running times right onto the worst hilly spots in the neighborhood. Uphill, every time I was on a run. Yeah, that sucked. Way to be an arrogant ass, Robert. Add to that the app crashing twice as I was starting. That lead to my watch not tracking things, which lead to me trying to get the watch to work which lead to the phone not tracking anymore, though the voice over continued. That means the app doesn’t think I finished workout number three, and it doesn’t have about half of the workout’s stats, including my much varied map. Stupid app. Add to that the app telling me, as the voice over was finishing, that workout number three is the last free workout and now I have to subscribe. It didn’t tell me how much a subscription costs, but thanks a lot for the bait and switch, you lying asswipes.

I guess the upside is that I did workout number three, which is eight minutes longer than numbers one and two. Walk for three minutes, run for one, repeat eight times instead of six times. That means I closed my workout ring for the day. That’s nice. I have to do this workout again in order for it to track in the app, but I was thinking of doing that anyway because I had such a tough time with it.

Also, I visited the stone state line marker and took a picture with my phone. This thing is on the short list of things to shoot on film. Someday.

Getting WAY Ahead of Myself

This morning I Googled “5k races near Methuen, MA”.

There are a bunch. There’s a weekly free race in a park in Cambridge. There’s one in Londonderry in August that costs $35. I like the sound of free better, but Londonderry is closer to home.

I checked the couch to 5k app I’m using. Tomorrow is another walk three minutes then run three minutes plan, but it repeats eight times instead of just six.

I am getting so very far ahead of myself. Let’s actually run three miles at once before we start thinking of doing it with other people around, m’kay?

That Makes Two

The only thing more shocking to me than starting a running program thingie is that two days after the first “event” I went outside and did a second. Really… the first one is staggeringly unlikely for me. The second… literally unthinkable.

The app I have been using keeps some stats but I haven’t nerded out on them yet. Now that I have two data points for comparison, you can guarantee I’ll be pouring over whatever is there soon enough. Up until now the only thing I’ve checked out was the super groovy GPS map that shows my route. Given that my route is just around the circle we live on, it isn’t anything terribly interesting. More of an oval than a circle. I think it’s super cool though.

Today’s drill was identical to two days ago. Walk for three minutes, run for one minute. Repeat six times. I haven’t looked into round three yet, but I did notice that it’s supposed to last longer. The first two were 25 minutes (that math doesn’t add up… think they are lying to me?). The next one says 33. We’ll see how it goes on Saturday.

The Morning So Far

I did not forget to put out the trash. I am significantly less dumb than last week. Of course last week I waited until Wednesday and that was a stupid mistake. This week I had to wait until Wednesday because Monday was a holiday. Okay. Next week will be back to normal.

I did my 30 minute work out, yogging in place. The couch to 5k comes back tomorrow. I watched episode one of Secret Invasion. I am hooked so far. I will probably watch it again before episode two comes out. I did play guitar for about five minutes. It counts. I didn’t plug in, I just played an A minor scale a bunch of times. I didn’t record anything. I just don’t have time.

Up next is my pre-commute morning routine. I need to pack my bag and get moving. Today is going to suck, but I will handle it. Bring it on, bro.

I Have Experienced Hell and Lived to Tell the Tale

Wow! Was that ever sucky!

I really thought I was deluding myself but here I am, recapping the first painful, awful, baby step.

Can you dig it?

I just finished the first couch to 5k experience. I neither ran five kilometers nor actually traveled five kilometers. It’s just the first step. The app had me walk for three minutes then run for one minute, and repeat that process six times. I am pretty sure I died during the second run, and then died again during each of the remaining runs. I was planning on going to the movie theater parking lot but when push came to shove I just stayed in the neighborhood and went around the block a bunch of times, ignoring the fact that I was really insecure about all of my neighbors staring out their windows watching me the entire time, which I am 100% sure was happening at each and every house on the street.

What did I learn from this experience?

I learned that the coach the app has chirping in your ear the whole time is an annoying person.
I learned that jogging is a whole ton more difficult than yogging.
I learned that, while I don’t have nearly the loose skin issue I expected I would have a year after gastric bypass, there is loose skin in my world right now and when you start actually running for real, that loose skin literally jiggles and it’s a slightly disturbing experience.
I learned that running fucking sucks. I mean I only ran for six minutes but WOW did it suck.

Couch to 5k workout number two will take place on Thursday. Wish me luck.

On a slightly related note, I did make a friend out on the road this morning.

Couch to 5K: Take Two

I installed another Couch to 5K training app on my iPhone today. I did it the other day only to get iCockBlocked by a required subscription plan. This time I was able to get to the training description (run for one minute, walk for three during your first workout) without being forced to pay money. I take that as a win.

The app wants you to do three workouts per week. My questions for myself are, when and where? The when will probably be Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I would rather do Monday, Wednesday, and Friday but Wednesday is my in-the-office day and there isn’t a lot of time in the morning to waste on things like workouts. So I think we’ll start on Tuesday.

The where is another issue. Originally I was planning on just running around the block, starting at the end of my driveway. I don’t know if I want to subject the neighbors to such a terrible site though. Now I am thinking of following my same game plan for car music. There’s a movie theater in town that doesn’t open until well after I start my work day. They have a huge parking lot that often doubles as my recording studio. I think that, starting Tuesday, it might also double as my 5K training track. Either that or the rail trail downtown. Maybe I’ll alternate between the two. Who knows.

Fingers crossed I don’t chicken out on Tuesday morning. We’ll see how it goes. I’m sure I’ll write 236972357 blog posts sharing every minute detail.

Couch to 5K?

When we went to Disney World* back in January we were there for the Disney Marathon weekend. The weekend ends with a marathon, but in the days leading up to it there was a half marathon, a 10K, and a 5K. Jen suggested that next year I should run the 5K.

I was thinking about it last night. I fake run more than 5K pretty much every day. At the pace I go when I jog in place in the cellar (pronounced “yog” with a soft J) I run for 32 minutes, which is enough to close my 30 minute exercise ring while also rounding off to the nearest mile, which is four miles. 5 kilometers is 3.1 miles, so my watch congratulates me for running a 5K every day.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that my faux running is about as far removed from actual running as you can get. I don’t actually run 5K, I just pretend. We are all in agreement on that, right? If I were to actually take up actual running, I would need help and I would need to carefully build up stamina before running any notable distance.

That brought me to YouTube last night when I should have been sleeping. I searched for “couch to 5k” and started watching. A few minutes ago I installed a Couch to 5K app on my iPhone. I promptly deleted it after it took all of my information and then prompted me for the $40/month subscription. Fuck you.

I have an idea of how to start based on a video series I watched last night. Now the question is, do I actually do it? Am I seriously thinking about taking up running? It would be pretty cool to run the Disney World 5K next year. Pretty cool indeed. It might even impress my wife a little, which is more or less my goal for everything I do.

We’ll see.

*More on Disney World coming soon. You have been warned.