Tag: depressed

Friday Night

Not much going on around here tonight. It’s Friday. We got take out for dinner. We’re just hunkering down, waiting for the snow to come. Jen’s playing World of Warcraft, I’m in the bedroom watching The MandalorianThe Book of Boba Fett.

I just found out that my Godmother down in Alabama isn’t well. I don’t have any information, but I’m worried. I hope she’s okay.

I still have 19 more minutes of exercise to get in tonight and I am sitting here watching TV. It’s Star Wars TV, but it’s still TV. I’m feeling like I am falling behind everything again. I am so tired of Covid. I am so tired of everything being off. At the same time, I have to start going back to the office next week. Only once a week, but we’re in a massive Covid surge and still we’re going back. I’m just confused. Messed up, tired, and confused.

Ah, fuckadoodle. Once this episode of The MandalorianThe Book of Boba Fett is over I will try to do another few minutes on the exercise bike and then maybe play guitar for a few. Anything to briefly take my tiny mind off of the state of the universe. The Bruins are out in Arizona tonight. The game starts at 9:00. That should distract me for a while.

I hate it when I feel like this. I was right as rain while Jen and I were eating dinner together. Now I am just blue.

This is the way.

Blah

Not sure what the deal is tonight but I find myself feeling really low. I was fine a couple of hours ago but right now I’m feeling pretty shitty mental healthily speaking.

I can probably blame it on Covid. I can pretty much blame every unhappy feeling on the ‘Rona, but I’m not sure that’s good enough.

Is it the imminent arrival of yet another locked down holiday? Is it work stress? I had a project on my to-do list this morning that I really wanted to get through but I ended up being so busy with other stuff that I spent exactly zero seconds working on it.

Is it the weather? Is it the calendar? I guarantee it’s not the love of my life who is sleeping next to me as I type this useless shit. I do miss the kids, but that feeling is always with me and whatever is bothering me tonight is on top of that.

I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. Or I won’t. Think I’ll listen to some music for a few and then go to sleep.

Pills

It’s 10:37am. Did you miss me? I usually have a morning hello post hours earlier than this.

What kept me?

Pills. Yeah, man.

No, seriously. I just filled my parents’ pill caddies for the week. There was a lot of back and forth with my brother and sister. There are pharmacy changes coming in the near future and it’s affecting how we go about filling prescriptions and two of my mother’s 10000000 scripts need to be refilled this week because there aren’t enough pills to get us through to next week. Their primary care physician (who is also my primary care physician) is on the case though. All is well.

The bathroom is the other issue today. Not in an accident way, just in a there-is-only-one-in-the-house way. It seems like every time someone needs to go really bad there is someone already in there. I’ve been toilet blocked twice today, and I toilet blocked someone else once. It’s minor chaos.

My mother just shuffled into the room and asked me if I was her son and did she actually give birth to me.

I want to go home so badly I cannot put it into words. I am so tired of neglecting my family in favor of my family, you know? I was afraid to text Harry last night but Jen let me know that he was texting her, so I snuck in a couple. It’s only been one day and I miss him so much, and missing him makes me miss Bellana even more, and missing them both makes me so upset that I am here and not with Jen because I know she feels the same way, and it’s just crushing me so much I can’t even punctuate a sentence properly and I keep writing these endless run on things that when I go back to read these at some hypothetical point in the future are going to piss me off and now I am just doing it just because I am pissed off and I want my future self to also be pissed off at my grammar shenanigans and this is stupid and I am so miserable right now I can’t deal.

I think I am going to go upstairs and try to take apart a twin bed. No reason.

Fuck.

Two Days

Harry just left. He went to his father’s. Monday and Tuesday are dad days. Wednesday and Thursday are mom days. We won’t see him again until Wednesday. I am parent sitting on Tuesday night and through the work day Wednesday so even if he comes over early I still won’t see him until after dinner.

There are a lot of things in life right now that I am not happy with. This is just the icing on top of the suck cake.

92 minutes left in the work day. Insert the sound of a frustrated sign here.

I Need to Play

I need to play guitar tonight. I’m starting to go crazy again and I need to play to fix my brain a little.

Harry goes back to his dad’s today and comes back on Wednesday and Thursday. Then over the weekend Bellana comes home and stays with dad for the weekend. It’s his birthday next week so they are celebrating over the weekend. Then on Monday and Tuesday she will come here while Harry stays at Dad’s. I am hoping we can steal him for a little while but I doubt it.

Then on Wednesday Bellana goes back to Burlington. I go back to work for two days and Harry comes back to our house for two days. Then on Friday we move Harry into school in Burlington and that’s it for us having kids in the house.

Less than two weeks away from the empty nest. If you were wondering where today’s flavor of misery comes from, that’s it right there.

The Never Ending Flood Story

There was a little bit of water on the cellar floor when I went to bed last night. We were in the midst of our first four consecutive rain-free days since April and it seemed like things might be on the mend down stairs.

Then it poured over night last night. Again. There was more water in the cellar this morning, though still not the worst it’s been. Clean up complete. Wet vac and dehumidifier emptied yet again, though unlike the last few times it is currently raining in Methuen, Massachusetts, though it’s just a drizzle.

Just add it to the growing list of things that are pissing me off these days.

I feel like a fucking yo-yo. I was optimistic three days ago, absolutely crushed two days ago, a little sort of bordering on optimistic yesterday, and just miserable again today.

Who would have imagined that I would look back over the recent past and see something other than 2020 as the low point of human existence. I am actually feeling a little nostalgic for the high point of the global pandemic that locked down the civilized world and killed millions of humans. Not really, but in a self centered way? Yeah, a little.

Fuck.

Nana Sitting Again

Nana sitting once again. Jen and Harry are at home and I’m not. Harry had his first official day at his new job today. He had some remote orientation sessions last week, but he was on the premises today. He said it went well. He said there was air conditioning. Good thing. My Tuesday was stressful when it probably shouldn’t have been. I need to calm down but there is so much piling on right now that I don’t know how.

Tomorrow is July 1st which marks the day we have to start going back into the office. Not full time, we’re still mostly telecommuters, but it needs to be about an average of once per week. I worked out 4-5 days that will fit into my Nana Sitting schedule as well as our planned overnight trip to visit Bellana. We’ll see if I get pulled into anything that requires in-person attendance that will screw with my plans. Fingers crossed, I certainly hope not.

The Red Sox had a rain delay tonight but they should be starting soon. Game two of the Stanley Cup Finals is tonight. May Montreal suffer a humiliating loss at the hands of Tampa Bay. Distract me from my misery, please.

I am so sad that I’m not at home having Marvel Burgers for Dinner Night with Harry and Jen. Watching Loki, eating burgers and fries. Being together.

I hate this.

May the Fourth

It’s May the Fourth. The day that people celebrate Star Wars because of a coincidence of pronunciation.

Disney+ released the first episode of a new animated show today. I was going to watch it before work but it’s 75 minutes long. A 75 minute Star Wars cartoon episode after the first few episodes of WandaVision didn’t even run for half an hour? I’ll get to it but not today.

After work tonight I have a Nana Sitting night. Tomorrow I have an appointment to visit my father in the hospital. Yes, you read that correctly. An appointment. Thanks, Covid-19.

I haven’t done any music since Sunday. It’s only two days, but I wanted to be more up on it than this. I’ll get it done this time.

Unless I am mistaken, 3/4 of the members of The Lizardfish have had their second vaccination shot. With all the other shit going on, do I have time to play with the band if they are ready to start playing again? Just another thing to be miserable about, I guess.

May the Fourth Be With You.