Catching Up After a Couple of Off Days

The last couple of days have been weird, health-wise. First it was the headache issue on Tuesday, then it was stomach issues on Wednesday. Now here we are on Thursday and I am feeling a little like a wrung out face cloth. Here’s hoping today will be a quiet day.

We’re having some HVAC folks come and tell us what they need to do to replace the mini-split in the bedroom. We’ve had it serviced a couple of times this winter, but it’s just not working and we’re more or less unable to heat the bedroom without using a space heater as a supplement. They won’t actually replace it for another week or two, but they are coming for a fact finding mission.

So, television. Yesterday was the premier or season three of The Mandalorian and I could not be at a higher hype level. The first episode was excellent but… I think today’s third episode of season three of Picard might have been better. I did not see that coming, kids. I was just glued to the screen as I was getting this morning’s jogging (yogging) in. The captain vs admiral conflict seemed a little forced and out of character, but everything else? Fan-freakin-tastic. The bad guys behind the bad guy? Fan-freakin-tastic! I can’t wait for episode four. I also can’t wait for episode two of The Mandalorian, but that’s a given. In the Star Wars vs Star Trek debate, I come down on the Star Wars side, generally, but only by a little bit. Regardless of which franchise you prefer, it’s a pretty good time to be a space opera fan, am I right?

For the first time in a year, I am suffering from guitar gear acquisition syndrome. There are two overdrive pedals that I really want to buy, and I also really want to buy an amplifier simulator that I can use as a plug in through GarageBand. Last year I finished the RPM Challenge with a plan to do their Record Every Month challenge throughout the rest of the year. I had a goal of two songs each month that I could pretend were a single. I failed completely. I didn’t write a single song over the 11 months between the 2022 RPM and the 2023 RPM (with the exception of a few failed attempts in November). I am going to try again, but I am probably not going to record guitars through my amplifier on a regular basis. I am thinking I can do direct input more often and I want a good amp sim that I can use consistently. The one I am looking at is only $40, but I just don’t want to spend any money. We have a mini-split to buy after all.

Speaking of gear acquisition syndrome, I also really want to buy a new lens for my new camera. I adore the 40mm lens we bought for Disney, but I’d like a little zoom option. Possibly because the cats are suffering from The Zoomies every night and it just sort of inspired me, you know? I also really really want to buy a 35mm film point and shoot and I don’t know why. I want to buy a 35mm film camera with autofocus functionality too, but that’s going to cost some dough, and I think I can get a point and shoot for pennies. I want to go Nikon, as usual, but decent Nikon point and shoots are stupidly expensive on ebay. I looked for Pentax options yesterday and saw some with the starting bid of $1.00… so yeah, that could be a better option. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll hit the thrift stores more often.

Okay, time to get breakfast and get my day started. I have a lot of meetings today and need to be ready for a long day at the home office. Wish me luck.

Week 43 Weigh In

I had my nine month check in with my surgeon yesterday. Everything is going great. I mentioned that I’ve been having a tough time eating over the last month or so and she said that’s common. I guess when you’re this far along you just start getting cocky. It was good to know there isn’t some surprise in my stomach that is making things go south. I asked about leveling off the weight loss. She assured me it’s going to happen, and that I’ll probably gain a little back too. She said I need to keep doing the exercises I’m doing but also do more for building muscle, and that will be part of slowing down the weight loss.

So I have some things to think about and some things to work on going forward. For today at least, it is Wednesday and Wednesday is weigh in day. How did I do? Last week I was at 220.60. Today the scale had me at 217.40. That’s a loss of 3.2 pounds. So much for leveling off, eh? Part of that is likely due to not hitting my food goal yesterday, especially given that over the last few weeks I haven’t just hit the 80 gram protein goal, I’ve been obliterating it. I’ve been topping 100 grams regularly, and often topping 110. The doctor said that’s fine. I’m 6’4″ tall. I’m half the man I used to be, but I’m still a big person. I can handle a little extra and still lose weight.

Dropping below 220 is the only milestone this week. My BMI went from 26.8 to 26.5. My weight loss since the surgery is now at an amazing 214 and the weight loss since the first check in is at an astounding 234.6. I’ve lost 17.2 more pounds than I currently am. It’s insane.

So that’s the latest on the weight loss. The next weigh in will be early this week. The monthly weigh in will be on Saturday. I am not expecting a lot, but hopefully I’ll creep down a little by then. We will see. I am having a bad day so far today. I have a stomach ache and I’m not sure why. It might be a case of being hungry and not really knowing what that feels like anymore. I have an hour to go before I break for lunch. Maybe I’ll have a small snack and see if I feel better.

A Hiccup in the Plans

Hello and welcome to March 1st, everyone. The RPM Challenge is over. Well… technically working on March 1st is allowed, but I don’t.

Last time I posted here I said I had two songs to mix and then I’d be done with everything that I wanted to have done. I managed to mix one of them and then, around 7:30 last night, it went bad. I had one of those episodes where my vision went blurry and I started getting a headache. I went to bed, turned off all of the lights, buried my head under the blankets, and called it a day. I had just finished dinner when it started, but I was still seven grams of protein away from my daily goal. I missed it for the day, but not by much. I’m not that worried about it.

I slept from 7:45 to 3:30. I woke up, put my watch on the charger (it was at 33%), filled up the tank on my CPAP machine, stepped on the scale for the Wednesday weigh in (more on that later), and went back to sleep until about 5:20. Then I got up, got dressed, filled up my water bottle, updated my food tracking spreadsheet and my weight tracking spreadsheet, jogged in place for 40 minutes or so (pronounced yogged, with a soft “j”), watched the new episodes of The Mandalorian and The Bad Batch, packed up my laptop, and started my day.

Wednesdays are in the office days now so I have to get a move on so I can get out onto the road about 50 minutes from now. I have to prep a lunch and a breakfast, refill the water bottle, shower, get dressed, clean off the car, bring in the trash barrel (assuming the city picked up the trash during the snow yesterday, not sure if they did or not), and get going.

My headache is still there, a little bit, but it’s better after hydrating myself some. My eye sight is normal again too. I just have to watch out for crap like that. It’s not fun at all.

Okay, let’s get a move on.

Week 42 Weigh In

It’s Wednesday and Wednesday is Weigh In Day. My gastric bypass surgery happened 42 weeks ago today. What’s the latest news? We’ll, I’ll tell ya.

It feels like things might be leveling off. I am still down this week, but for the second week in a row the loss isn’t that different than what I was seeing years ago when I was on Weight Watchers, or WW as it’s now known. About a pound a week. In the old days the hope was half a pound each week. Last week I was down 1.8 pounds. This week it’s 1.4. So better than the WW days, but not that much better. I have mentioned a few times this week that I have been eating a lot more since my mother went into the hospital at the end of January. I am trying to cut back a little but results have been slightly less than successful.

So I am down 1.4 pounds. I haven’t broken 220, but I am right on the edge. The scale read 220.6 this morning. So close. Hopefully next week that 10’s column will flip. There were milestones elsewhere though. My BMI went from 27 to 26.8, inching closer to the magical 25. My weight lost since the surgery flipped the 10’s column and hit 210.8. The total weight lost since the first weigh in flipped the 10’s column last week and now stands at 231.4. I suspect it will be a while before I flip the 10’s columns on the totals again. We’ll see. I have an appointment with my surgeon next week so I will be sure to ask what comes next as far as leveling off is concerned.

So that’s the latest on the weight loss front. Now I just have to get my ass in gear on the RPM Challenge stuff. So much to do and almost no time left to do it. This weekend needs to be uber productive. Fingers crossed.

Who Didn’t See That Coming

Three days after my mother’s wake and the announcements have started. My cousin tested positive for Covid-19. My sister’s sister-in-law also tested positive for Covid-19.

With all the hand shaking and hugging going on at the wake and at the funeral, it was inevitable that Covid would be passed around. Yippee.

Jen and I both tested negative this morning. So far, so good for our house. Fingers crossed it continues, and fingers crossed it doesn’t spread any further.

Stupid effing pandemic ruining my mother’s services.

Week 41 Weigh In

I am pleasantly surprised and rather pleased. I mentioned before that I have been eating a lot more than usual. I’ve been eating things that aren’t necessarily good for me too. I’ve been handling it all okay for the most part, though the couple of ounces of peanuts I tried to eat last night gave me the worst bought of nausea I’ve experienced since the start of this whole thing.

I expected minimal weight loss at best, and realistically with all the stress eating and difficulties of the last week I expected to gain a little weight. I did not. I lost 1.8 pounds, which under the circumstances feels like a ton. I now weight 222 even. My BMI dropped 0.2 points to 27 even. I’m inching closer to that mythical, magical 25 mark. My weight loss since the surgery is now at 209.4, and my weight loss since the first check in moved the 10’s column and reached 230.4.

At the wake Monday night I lost track of the number of times someone came through the receiving line and didn’t recognize me. While it was life affirming every single time, I also got a little tired of it. I get it, I am thinner. Can we focus on the topic at hand please? I don’t know. I felt guilty about feeling good about my health while my mother was 10 feet away in a casket.

On an unrelated note, I am watching the last few minutes of The Mandalorian season two, episode six. I just watched Boba Fett kick the crap out of a drop ship full of stormtroopers. If only the Book of Boba Fett season had followed suit. Oh well. I think I am going to include that show in my Mandalorian pre-season three prep binge anyway. It was good, it just wasn’t great. Except for the episodes with Mando and Baby Yoda, of course. Those episodes were stellar.

On another unrelated note, I took today off to recover from the wake and the funeral. It might be the best move I’ve ever made, career wise. I need a decompression day. Jen is working though so I am not going to play guitar through an amp all day. I am going to play guitar through an amp sim though. I have eight songs to put rhythm guitars on before I sleep tonight. I will get The RPM Challenge on track today, even if it kills me.

Hungry

The last few days have been weird, weight loss surgery wise. I assume it’s stress over the upcoming services for my mother, or something along those lines at least, but I could be wrong. I’ve been hungry. A lot. Like, all the time. I’m not going too far overboard, but I am snacking between meals way more than normal and the meals themselves have been much larger than usual. When I say “much larger” what I really mean is instead of 4-5 ounces at a time I’m like 5-6 ounces. When I say I’m snacking I mean 1-2 ounces of peanuts or two little sugar free pudding cups instead of one. I stepped on the scale this morning out of fear that I was screwing things up and I was down a little since Wednesday. Not much, just a little. So I don’t appear to be ruining previous progress but… what the hell, Robert?

On a weight loss related note, I am finding myself oddly aware of my physical structure. I have bones I didn’t know I had. There’s one in my chest that I first became aware of a few months after the surgery and I thought it was a growth or a tumor or something. I told the doctor. She checked it out. No, nothing to worry about. That’s just your sternum. Duh. Now it’s my rib cage and my shoulders. I can actually feel the space between my ribs. I have no padding on my shoulders anymore so when I played my guitar the other day it actually hurt.

I added a new discovery to the list last night. I haven’t shaved in a couple of weeks. That’s going to change later today, but I was sort of rubbing the stubble on my neck and I felt something. Apparently Robert, your humble narrator, has an adam’s apple. I mean, I always assumed it was there but I never actually found any evidence to support the assumption. Now I can feel it.

Who knew, right?

Now if I could just shake what my mother used to call “the hungry horrors” and start eating better again. That would be aces.

As I type this I am watching season one episode three of The Mandalorian. The tribe of Mandalorians just came out of the covert to help Din Djarin and Grogu (we don’t actually know their names yet) escape the guild. Absolutely epic.

Week 40 Weigh In

Week 40? Are you serious? We’re only 12 weeks away from capping off the first year? How is that possible? How does time move so quickly without all of us falling down dizzy all the time?

I weighed myself this morning through a hale* of technological cock ups. Well, one technological cock up. The scale in the bedroom is Bluetooth and connects to my iPhone. It’s nice. The app on my phone calculates my BMI and updates the Health app so I don’t have to do either thing manually. When I got out of bed this morning I tapped my phone to wake it up and nothing… it was off. I tried to turn it on again and nothing… it was dead. I plugged it in and tried again and nothing… it was bricked. The fuck?

I stepped on the scale and started my day without my phone. Eventually Google gave me a tip for tricking it into restarting and it worked. She’s been A-Okay ever since. I haven’t updated the Health app though. I still need to do that, but I have updated my Google Spreadsheet and I have all the numbers I need.

There are numbers, but there aren’t a whole lot too them. I am down this week, but only 0.6 pounds. I will chalk that up to already having a mid-week weigh in on Saturday so it’s not a full week. Also, yesterday was Jen’s birthday and I hit the snacks a lot harder than usual while celebrating. I’m not concerned. 0.6 pounds is a positive step in my book. I’m happy.

On Saturday when I did the nine month weigh in I was at 224.4. Today I am at 223.8. I will take it. Gleefully. The total since the surgery is now 207.6 and the total since the start is 228.2. My BMI went from 27.3 to 27.2. Again, all good stuff. Not world rocking stuff, but good stuff. I am pleased.

The next weigh in will be February 15th. That’s the day after Valentines Day as well as the day after something painful that I haven’t mentioned yet but probably isn’t hard to figure out based on the last couple of weeks worth of posts. That event includes a luncheon but I doubt I will be willing or able to eat anything there. I’m likely going to have a full day of protein supplements instead of actual food on the 14th. We’ll see how the diet shakes out that day.

*Is that the correct usage of “hale”? Should it be “hail”?

ADDENDUM: It just dawned on me… I weigh 223.8 and I have lost 228.2 since 1/19/22. That means I have lost more weight than I actually weigh. Holy shit Snacks! I am literally half the man I used to be! Queue that Stone Temple Pilots song!

Bad Day

Today has been a painful, emotional, difficult day. I’ll give details later, probably, but just know that as bad days go… this was one.

As I’ve done previously over the past couple of weeks, I am sharing cat pictures to distract myself from bad things. Enjoy my deflection…

The cats are turning our house into a messy house.

I’m Confused and Conflicted and I Don’t Know What to Do

It looked like Mom took a turn for the worse last night. We all rushed over to her again and watched as her breathing got labored and she was moaning and rattling. Visiting hours ended. I could have stayed overnight again but I had to sleep and didn’t want to take up one of the three overnight visiting slots so I went home and went to bed. I slept for nearly eight hours but still feel exhausted. I also thought it was okay to leave because I had a gut feeling…

…and I was right. As the night wore on the breathing became more normal and the rattling almost stopped. She’s back to where she was when I stayed overnight on Friday/Saturday. I have to go back to work. I can’t miss a huge chunk of a third consecutive week. My boss and my boss’ boss both told me it was okay, but I can’t continue to do this for my own reasons. My conscience won’t let me. That means I can’t stay over night during the week either. I just can’t do it anymore.

We had a hospice nurse tell us that parents don’t die in front of their children. They hang on until the kids are out of the room and then go. I don’t believe that is factual at all. Is there anecdotal evidence to support the theory? Yes. Mountains of it. A little internet digging shows that there are zillions of people who claim this happened to them. Is there scientific evidence? Not that I see. I think people attribute cosmic interference to pure coincidence. Having said that, maybe it’s time to give in and embrace the anecdotes. Maybe it’s time to devote less time to the vigil.

I know what I have to do but I fucking hate that I am even considering it. I just want her to be at peace. I want her suffering to end.

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