Author: robertjames1971

I'm wicked tall.

We Made It

We made it through the funeral and the cemetery and the after luncheon. That’s actually still going on but it’s wrapping up.

It was painful but good. We all came unglued a few times but we are all okay. My dad did great. He left the lunch a little early but he made it nearly all the way through. I’m proud of him.

Day Two

We made it through the wake last night without issue. Dad and I got there at 3:00 for the 4:00 start. I didn’t expect him to be able to hold out for long but he made it until a little before 8:00, which was the end of our time anyway. I was very proud of him.

We saw family and friends and friends of the family and many many more. The turn out to say goodbye to my mother was wonderful and heart warming. It wasn’t exactly a social event, but it made me realize how starved I’ve been for random interactions with other people over the coarse of the pandemic. Sure, Robbie the introvert was thriving stuck at home for three years, but there was definitely something missing, and I am starting to really need that something now.

The funeral is this morning. Three hours from now. I need to take a shower and get dressed and then the four of us will head out together. We need to be at the funeral home by 8:45 so that we can be in the procession to the church. The church and the cemetery are both in Tewksbury, but they are on the opposite ends of town, so there is a little drive. After the cemetery we will have a lunch at the same venue Jen and I had our wedding reception. Again, in Tewksbury. It’s going to be a Tewksbury kind of day.

Again, I am nervous even though there really isn’t anything to be nervous about. Again, I am worried about how my father will do. Last night was a long haul. I know it took a lot out of me, I can’t imagine how wiped out he’s going to be today. Whatever he needs to get through, we’ll do for him. Even if that means leaving early.

Wish us luck today. It’s going to be rough.

Jammed

robertjames1971's avatarRob Shoots Film

My camera somehow came off the take up spool on the last photo. Not sure how that happened. It felt like it jammed, but I am not sure that is the right word to use. The result was my first ever double exposure… even if it’s not a complete double exposure. It’s still kinda cool to think about.

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It’s Starting

I’m dressed in a suit for the first time in years. I’m at my dad’s getting him dressed up too.

The wake starts two hours from now. I’m really nervous and I’m starting to freak out a little. I’ve never done this for a parent before. I’m very sad and really not looking forward to any of this.

ADDENDUM: We are at the wake. Doors don’t open for another 40 minutes or so, but the majority of the family is here. We are spending a little time together before any guests show up.

This is going to be tough.

Hungry

The last few days have been weird, weight loss surgery wise. I assume it’s stress over the upcoming services for my mother, or something along those lines at least, but I could be wrong. I’ve been hungry. A lot. Like, all the time. I’m not going too far overboard, but I am snacking between meals way more than normal and the meals themselves have been much larger than usual. When I say “much larger” what I really mean is instead of 4-5 ounces at a time I’m like 5-6 ounces. When I say I’m snacking I mean 1-2 ounces of peanuts or two little sugar free pudding cups instead of one. I stepped on the scale this morning out of fear that I was screwing things up and I was down a little since Wednesday. Not much, just a little. So I don’t appear to be ruining previous progress but… what the hell, Robert?

On a weight loss related note, I am finding myself oddly aware of my physical structure. I have bones I didn’t know I had. There’s one in my chest that I first became aware of a few months after the surgery and I thought it was a growth or a tumor or something. I told the doctor. She checked it out. No, nothing to worry about. That’s just your sternum. Duh. Now it’s my rib cage and my shoulders. I can actually feel the space between my ribs. I have no padding on my shoulders anymore so when I played my guitar the other day it actually hurt.

I added a new discovery to the list last night. I haven’t shaved in a couple of weeks. That’s going to change later today, but I was sort of rubbing the stubble on my neck and I felt something. Apparently Robert, your humble narrator, has an adam’s apple. I mean, I always assumed it was there but I never actually found any evidence to support the assumption. Now I can feel it.

Who knew, right?

Now if I could just shake what my mother used to call “the hungry horrors” and start eating better again. That would be aces.

As I type this I am watching season one episode three of The Mandalorian. The tribe of Mandalorians just came out of the covert to help Din Djarin and Grogu (we don’t actually know their names yet) escape the guild. Absolutely epic.