Month: August 2021

Lunch Time

I have nothing to write about at this particular lunch break.

With two whole days at my parents, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I started watching The Orville again last week and last night I finished the first season. If things go bad I could make a dent in season two. I started watching The White Lotus on HBO when it premiered but I haven’t watched the latest episode. Why? Because the show kinda sucks. Is it a comedy? Because it’s not funny. Is it a drama? Because most of the characters are beyond annoying. It’s just not good. I know it’s only something like six episodes, so I am half way through, I think, but it’s just not good. Oh well.

Music! I can do music! I have two songs to mix. There are six songs that need lyrics, I can handle all of that. Maybe I can start some new songs as well. I wanted to be further along than this before my 48 hour sentence started, but what can you do?

Mostly what I will do while I am stuck over there is miss Jen and Harry. I should be home with them, but I won’t be. That sucks more than I am capable to put into words.

I have 99 minutes left in my shortened work day. I just wanted to mention that because I could.

Looking forward to watching What If? with Harry and Jen tonight.

Rough Times are Imminent

This is totally selfish. We’re just focusing on me here, not on anyone else, m’kay?

I am about to have a really rough time. I am leaving work early today, at 3:30. The plan is to spend the extra two hours off hanging with Harry. After that I head to my parents house for nana/papa sitting shift… for 48 hours. Two whole days there without a break. Without going home and seeing my family. It’s going to be a nightmare.

It is the price I had to pay in order to get most of the last week of August off so that I don’t have to miss a Bellana visit and so that I can help Harry move into his dorm. A double shift is going to suck, but it is absolutely going to be worth it.

We are hopefully going to watch the first episode of Marvel’s What If? tonight. Then when I get back Friday night we’re watching The Suicide Squad. It’s our last weekend with Harry before he leaves for school so we’re going to super hero the shit out of it.

Starting around 6:30 tonight I am going to have a miserable 48 hours, but after that it’s going to be great. Run that gauntlet, red head. Run it.

I Like Getting Good News

The photo doesn’t have anything to do with the title, I just like candles too. Not as much as I like good news, but whatever.

I’m still feeling the sense of impending doom though. I’m not sure how to process it given the events of the day. Maybe I am just in a state of perpetual freaked out. That makes sense to me.

Another Small Step

There was one important thing I needed to see happen over at my parents’ house yesterday and it didn’t quite happen. It partially happened. Let’s say 60% of it happened. I really needed that other 40% though, and yesterday it didn’t happen.

It happened today.

It’s still not enough for me to start feeling positive. Yes, there is a light at the end of this miserable tunnel, but if I start focusing on it, it is going to turn around and break my heart and I just can’t do that to myself or to my wife or to anyone else.

Still… the partial big step I got yesterday is now a full big step.

Oh, how I need this to resolve. I need it to be over.

Please, please, please.

The next hurdle is, I believe, next Tuesday. Let’s hope that light in the distance gets a whole lot closer by then.

I Have a Bad Feeling About This

Yesterday we got good news on one important topic and not bad but not great news on another. We should be okay for today, right? No disasters looming in the immediate future?

Then why do I feel like there is a bomb ready to go off? I have a really bad feeling about today. And tomorrow. And Thursday and Friday too. This weekend is a Harry weekend. The last one before he leaves for college. I need to get there in one piece. We’re going to watch The Suicide Squad together. He’s already seen it twice. I don’t want to watch it without him.

I really need this weekend to be here. I really need what ever it is I am irrationally afraid is going to happen before then to be nice to me and not happen.

Ugh.

Two Things

There were two big things going on in the extended family today. One was centered around my parents house. That doesn’t seem to have gone as well as I had hoped, but it was still all right. It wasn’t a slam dunk BOOM everything works out, but it was another step in the right direction. I’m just too impatient now to be happy about it.

The other thing was centered around my house, though it had nothing to do with Lake Asshole, and that seems to have gone much better. It isn’t the perfect solution, but all the boxes are checked and everyone seems happy so I am happy.

Now back to impatiently waiting for my parents thing to resolve… waiting… and waiting… and getting closer and closer to the inevitable nervous breakdown.

Urgh.

Another Step

I am really nervous. Another step toward resolving my parents’ healthcare issues is about to happen. I am not going into details, but my brother and sister and mother and father are about to do something that I really, really need to go well.

No, that’s not a good enough description. Let me try again…

I really, really, really, really, really, really need things to go very, very, very, very, very, very well.

I’m sending out all of the positive red head vibes* I can. Come on, universe, don’t let me down. After a year and a half of Covid-19 on top of all the family health problems, you owe me, universe. You owe me.

Fingers crossed
Toes crossed
Eyes crossed

*Red head vibes are the best vibes. You have to be a red head to know this, but it is true. Red head vibes are powerful things. I have to be careful to use them sparingly, and to only ever use them as a force for good. I have used them a lot since Friday. When I say a lot I mean, a lot.