I Am the Single Dumbest Person on Earth

I left the house at 7:40 or so. A smidge later than I wanted to (I find that I am using the word “smidge” in posts way too often these days. I’ll work on that) but with plenty of time to get to the office by 9:00. As soon as I was on the road, Waze started freaking out about an accident on route 93. It detoured me through the heart of Andover (the richest town in the area and yes I did drive past a golf course) onto roads I had never seen before in my life. Finally I got back onto 93 and hit another traffic jam at the junction with route 128 which then turned into a traffic jam on 128 just after the junction.

By this point I was on the verge of fury. That’s when I realized I forgot my security badge and I was not going to be able to operate the elevators or get into the stairwells. That’s when I stopped being on the verge of fury and embraced it full, like an old friend I haven’t seen in years. I turned around immediately and went home.

I am so mad at myself.

I am so mad at myself.

I am so mad at myself.

What is Commute?

I just updated the Waze app with my new work address. Do I really have a morning commute today? This is so weird. 15 months ago not having a commute was the weirdest thing ever. Now it’s the opposite.

Wish me luck, everyone. Traffic nightmare ahead.

Not the Best Day

I did a lot of work around the house today. I haven’t had a day like this in a while and it hurt. My back hurt and my legs hurt and my arms hurt and my me hurt. My general outlook on life hurt too and I was grumpy and snarky and pissy and not very fun to be around. Jen was the only person I saw all day long so I apologize to her for being an ass. Sorry, sweetie. I wasn’t being a schmuck on purpose, but I was definitely being a schmuck and I’m sorry.

Karma kinda kicked me in the dick in response. It’s Nana Sitting night tonight and I got stuck behind a train in Tewksbury. At first I was on East Street and it was a massive freight train crossing the street at the Demoulas warehouse. Shit. Those trains can stop traffic forever. I was pretty sure the same train track crossed Shawsheen Street but I figured I’d double back and check for sure. Yup, I got stopped by the same train on a different road.

I thought about getting back on route 93 and heading South one exit, but that would potentially hit the same train on Salem Road (probably not, but I didn’t want to get stuck that far away from my mother’s house). I thought about going North one exit and getting off at route 133 in Andover. Yeah, that’s the way to go. But then I thought, why not jump onto Frontage road and go around that way? Frontage to Osgood to Blanchard to Pinnacle and… I hit the train again. DAMN IT.

Third time was the charm. I sat there and waited it out. Friggin’ train.

My mother was asleep when I got here, around 6:30. I had to wake her up for her 8:00 pills. Here’s hoping she has a better night than the last time I was here.

I’m watching game one of the Tampa Bay vs Florida playoff series. Pretty good game so far, about one period in. I think at 9:00 I will switch over to the train wreck that is Fear the Walking Dead. I wonder how they’ll try to top the still born baby shit from last week.

I’ve been playing loose with the intermittent fasting rules. Starting late and ending early. This week is going to be a shit show of crazy busy insanity. I’m considering the possibility of blowing off the whole process for a few days. There are some early morning things in the works this week that are going to benefit from a great big breakfast, not to mention buckets of morning caffeine. I’ll share the details when they happen.

The Same Old Frustrations

Every time I hear some one say how much they love Autumn I want to just scream at them.  “You wouldn’t love it so much if you needed an hour and 50 minutes to drive 30 miles!”

Maybe I should just relax.  Maybe I shouldn’t let it bother me.  I was actually doing okay with it until today.  Something changed this morning.  I don’t know what, but I went from passive resignation to teeth grinding frustration.  Damn you, traffic.  Damn you to hell!

The really pathetic thing is that it always feels like it’s as bad as it could possibly be.  “I’ve never seen it this bad” is a thought that runs through my noggin’ a few times each morning.  But when I stop and think clearly, I remember that I said the same thing over and over again last year.  I also begin to recall multiple days with two hour drives.  There was even a two hour and fifteen minute drive once last year.

So while it’s soul crushing to have to drive half way from New Hampshire to Rhode Island at an average speed of less than 20 miles per hour.  I cannot make myself feel better by thinking it’s as bad as at gets…

Because I’ve actually seen it worse.

Summer can’t get here fast enough.

Three Times Awful

when I see these sights on the drive home it means I’m having a friggin bad night. 


Three days in a row, six incredibly awful commutes.  One in each direction.  I’m so pissed off at life right now.

A New World Record

Remember last week when I posted a picture of the timer on my car’s dashboard and said I set a new record for longest Methuen to Westwood morning commute? I think it was two hours and 12 minutes, but it might have been 2:15. Something like that at least.

I smashed that record today. I didn’t have the timer running so I don’t have a picture, but I left the house at 7:30 and got to work at 9:49.

Two hours and 19 minutes.


Oh happy world record setting day.

Winter sucks. Mightily.


My average morning commute this week is just over two hours. I am so excited to get out on the road today and see how much of my day will get pissed down the toilet while I cruise along at less than five miles per hour in the 65 miles per hour speed zone. I feel like I could break some sort of Land Slow Record or something. It’s going to be so great! I can’t wait!

This post has been brought to you by the letter Sarcasm.