I can’t remember a time when I was this blah for the last two rounds of the NHL playoffs. Blah, I say!
The Conference Finals are over. It is time to review how my predictions did in round three, and to make my pick for the Stanley Cup Final. Over the first two rounds I had correctly chosen the winner in six of 12 series. 6/12 is terrible, but it is WAY better than my coin flip control group which has been correct in three out of 12 series. That is just pathetic.
So how did we do with the two series in round three?
Rangers vs Panthers. You know, this is what happens when you live in Boston and put your faith in a friggin’ team from friggin’ New York. Of course the Rangers lost. Assholes. You guys suck. That sound you hear off in the distance is me screaming in hockey related frustration. I hate the Florida Panthers so much that I cannot accurately put it into words. I hate them so much that I was rooting for New York. Argh! I picked the Rangers and was wrong. That puts me at 6/13. The coin, the prick, picked the Panthers. It is now 4/13.
Stars vs Oilers. I feel a little better about this one. I am ambivalent about the Stars and I kinda find the Oilers enjoyable. That’s why I picked the Oilers. The coin flip picked Edmonton too. That puts me back at 50% at 7/14, and moves the coin to 5/14.
I guess that means that now it’s time to make my pick for the final.
Panthers vs Oilers. As I previously stated, I hate the Panthers with the burning passion of 1000000000 suns, and I kinda like the Oilers. I am making this pick with my heart and not my head and I’m picking the Oilers. Let’s bring that Stanley Cup back to Canada, shall we? For the coin flip, heads goes to the higher seed, which is Florida. The coin flip is tails. That means the coin and I both picked Edmonton.
You heard it here first, kids. The Oilers are going to win the cup this year. Pretty please, at least. We have a long wait for game one, as the series doesn’t start until Saturday. Five days from now. Hey NHL… WTF is up with that? What is this, the NBA? Damn it!
I owe the universe two blog posts tomorrow. This is just a reminder to myself to not forget about them.
First, I didn’t write a happy two year gastric bypass surgery anniversary post. I mentioned it, but didn’t write anything about how I weighed in and was down a whopping 0.4 pounds over the last month. I will write something about that tomorrow.
Second, I have to write the next NHL Playoffs Predictions post. I knew the last game of the first round was tonight and I was waiting for that to wrap up, but I didn’t realize that the first game in the second round was also played tonight. I am technically both on time and late. That’s like some Schrödinger’s level shit right there.
So we all have that to look forward to tomorrow. I betcha all can’t wait! Also, game one of the second round series between the Bruins and the Panthers is tomorrow night. Revenge? We’ll see, Bruins fans. We’ll see.
The first round of the NHL Playoffs start tomorrow. It’s time for my pointless, stupid predictions post. As is generally the case with pro sports these days, I have not been following the league as a whole that much, just my home town team. That means most of these predictions are very close to blind guesses on my part. Therefore I will also include a flip of a coin prediction and when it’s all over we’ll see if I was better at picking winners than randomness.
Are we ready?
As always, we will start with the Eastern Conference.
Panthers vs Lightning. The battle of Florida… in hockey… ugh. Nothing like cold weather spots in Florida. The Panthers had the better regular season, but I am optimistic that their luck is running out. I am going to pick Tampa Bay. It will probably go seven games, but the Lightning will come out on top. I promise this pick has nothing to do with the Panthers bouncing my Boston Bruins in the first round last year. Really. It has nothing to do with that. Now, which team does the coin pick? The rules are the higher seed (Florida in this case) is heads and the lower seed (Tampa Bay) is tails. It’s tails. The coin picks Tampa Bay.
Bruins vs Maple Leafs. I live in Boston. I root for Boston teams. There is no way I am picking against my Bruins. That’s a given. Beyond that, the Leafs have a killer offense, but it will not be a match for the Bruins defense and goalies. Sorry, Leafs fans. It’s going to be yet another in a long line of Boston wins over Toronto. Nothing personal, friends. The Bruins will just have your number again. The coin flip is heads so the coin picks the Bruins too.
The Rangers vs the Capitals. I hate both of these teams. I hate the Rangers more. That’s not why I am picking the Capitals this time though. The Capitals have been playing playoff intensity games for a while now. The Rangers breezed into the playoffs. The Capitals fought their way in. I think the momentum will carry the Caps through the first round. Probably not too far beyond that, but I’m looking for a serious upset here. The coin flip is tails so it also picked the Capitals. I see a pattern developing here.
Whalers vs Islanders. Okay, Robert. Stop calling the Carolina Hurricanes the Whalers. It’s not funny anymore. Then again… both of these teams were the parent club of the AHL team I used to have season tickets for. The Lowell Lock Monsters. Both teams pulled out on us and left my minor league team hanging. Due to that I can honestly say I friggin’ hate both of these teams. I want to pick the Islanders here, but they are from New York and I can’t pick a New York team without feeling gross about it. I’m considering it… but I think I am picking the Whale this time, even if it is painful to do so. The coin flip picks the Islanders though. Finally it picks the team I didn’t pick.
On to the Western Conference…
Stars vs Golden Knights. I don’t know. I really don’t. I want to pick Vegas but… no, I am going to pick Dallas. I could go either way with this one, but let’s officially pick The Stars. The coin flip picks Vegas.
Jets vs Avalanche. Again, I could go either way with this series. My gut is telling me to pick the Avs for the upset, but I don’t think I can bring myself to do it. I am going to pick The Jets and I will probably kick myself for doing so. The coin is tails again so it picks Colorado. That coin sure does love the underdogs, right?
Canucks vs Predators. Okay, I am going to pick an underdog this time. Nashville will take this one in an upset. As silly as it is to have an NHL team in Tennessee, I foresee a Vancouver choke coming. The coin flip agrees with me as it comes up tails for the fifth flip in a row.
Oilers vs Kings. Last but not least. I have always like The Kings. I haven’t always liked the Oilers as they beat my Bruins in the Cup Finals in both 1988 and 1990. Eventually something happened (I don’t know what) and I started to like them too. I am going to pick The Oilers this year. Sorry, Los Angeles. Edmonton is going to beat you. Nothing personal, it’s just business. Hockey business. The coin flip finally comes up heads so the coin picks Edmonton too.
There you have it, folks. My stupid, pointless, blind, uninformed predictions for the first round of the NHL Playoffs. It’s Stanley Cup tournament time. The best post season in all of professional sports. The games start tomorrow. The Bruins take on The Maple Leafs tomorrow at 8:00pm Eastern Daylight Savings Time.
The Vegas Golden Knights have won the Stanley Cup! Rejoice, as that means the friggin Florida Panthers lost. Does Florida losing make me feel better about the epic, colossal choke the Bruins gave us in the first round? No. No it doesn’t. Not even a little bit. It does feel good though. Spiteful and vindictive and just good.
So it’s time to wrap up my predictions posts for the year. One more series to add to the total. Where did I stand before the final? Where did the accompanying coin flips stand before the final?
Before the final I had picked the winner correctly in seven out of 14 series (7/14). The coin flip picked the winner correctly in five out of 14 series (5/14). In the final, the coin and I both picked Vegas so we were both correct. That means I finished with more wins than losses, babie! Eight out of 15 (8/15)! That gives me a winning percentage of 53.3%. Not terribly good, but not terribly bad either. You might say my predictions were mediocre and I would be okay with that. As long as I’m over 50% I feel okay. As for the coin flip, six out of 15 (6/15) is pretty freakin’ terrible. Statistically speaking a coin flip should average out at about 50%, right? I guess the sample size of 15 is just too small to meet that expectation. The result of 40% is pretty awful, but not too awful. I guess. As long as I did better, that’s all I need from this experiment.
So now we wait until next year. We go through the draft and the free agency period and see what trades happen and rookie camp and training camp and finally back to opening day in October. Here’s hoping the Bruins redeem themselves next season. They have a lot to answer for after that horrible, nightmare of a choke. I’m still pretty pissed off.
You know something? This NHL playoff season has sucked. Suck Suck Sucked. My predictions have sucked, but they always suck. This year the teams and the matchups suck. It’s like the universe has been letting teams advanced based mostly on how little I care about them.
How did my third round predictions work out? Badly. As usual.
Eastern Conference, Whalers vs Panthers: I fucking hate the Florida Panthers. I hate the Whaler-canes too, but I hate Florida even more. As if that nazi prick Desantis weren’t disgusting enough, now the Panthers advance to the Cup Final? Fuck them. I picked the Whale, of course, and I guaranteed they would lose. Pricks. That makes me six out of 13 for the post season, which drops me below 50%. Asshats. The coin flip picked the Whale too so it is now five out of 13. Suck.
Western Conference, Golden Knights vs Stars: I feel almost redeemed here. I picked Vegas. I thought they were going to sweep but they blew two games and made it look like a series before winning in six. They bring me back to 50% at seven out of 14. Thankfully. The coin flip picked Dallas and lost yet again. That’s five out of 14 for a pathetic 35.7%.
So that leaves the final, and I am guessing based on my statement in the Eastern Conference Final recap you can guess who I am going to pick.
Stanley Cup Final Round, Vegas Golden Knights vs the Fucking Florida Panthers: Can you guess who I am picking? Go on, guess. Vegas. Hockey Gods willing, they’ll win it in four, but I can’t be that lucky. The coin flip was heads, so it picks the higher seed, and that is Vegas. We’re both picking the Western Conference champs because Florida sucks. Fuck Florida. Fuck them right in their fucking ears.
If Vegas wins, I will have picked more than half of the matchups correctly. If Vegas loses I will have picked more than half of the matchups incorrectly. Given the results of the first three rounds, I can pretty much bank on Vegas losing because hockey as a living entity hates me almost as much as I hate Florida. Fucking Panther pricks.
The Eastern Conference Finals started last night so I am a day late. Don’t worry, the game one results won’t change my prediction.
My first round predictions were good. I picked 6/8 series correctly. My coin flip was less good. It picked 3/8 series correctly.
My second round pics were horrible. Let’s review.
Maple Leafs vs Panthers. Fuck you, Leafs. I am 6/9 now. The coin picked Florida because it’s an asshole. The coin is now 4/9.
Whalers vs Devils. I picked the Devils and they lost because they hate me. I am now 6/10. The coin picked the Whale. Asshole. The coin is 5/10.
Stars vs Kraken. I picked the Kraken even though I knew they were going to lose, and they did. I am 6/11. The coin also picked the Kraken. It is 5/11.
Golden Knights vs Oilers. The coin and I both picked Edmonton and we were both wrong. I am now 6/12 and the coin is 5/12.
Well, after getting all four series wrong in the second round and having my Western Conference pick (Edmonton) get bounced the way my overall pick (Boston) was bounced in the first round… at least I am still doing better than the coin flip.
This is the least interesting conference finals in my lifetime. I honestly don’t give a shit about any of these teams and I flat out fucking loathe both Eastern Conference teams. I would say the only team I have even the slightest interest in rooting for is Vegas and that’s just barely.
Okay, let’s set down the official picks for the third round.
Eastern Conference, Whalers vs Panthers: I absolutely hate both of these teams. I don’t give a flying fuck which one wins. If I have to pick one though, I would pick the Whale, which guarantees they will lose. The coin flip (heads for higher seed, tails for lower) picks the Whalers as well.
Western Conference, Golden Knights vs Stars: I am not a Dallas fan in the slightest. I recall once rooting for Vegas for about five minutes so I guess I am picking Vegas in the interest of having something worth rooting for even though I could give a flying leap. The coin is a dick (as previously mentioned) and it picked Dallas.
So there you go. I am at 50% over all, six correct picks in 12 series, and the coin is a smidge under 50%, five correct picks in 12 series, and my Stanley Cup Final match up pick is the Carolina Hartford Whalers vs the Vegas Golden Knights. Big fucking deal. Boring.
Bruins vs Panthers: Fuck you. I’m 0/1 and so is the coin flip.
Maple Leafs vs Lightning: I picked the Leafs so I am 1/2. The coin flip (aka Siri) picked the Lightning so it’s 0/2.
Whalers vs Islanders: I picked the Whale even though it hurt my soul. I am 2/3. The coin flip picked New York because it has no soul and is now 0/3.
Devils vs Rangers: The coin and I both picked The Devils. I am 3/4 and it is 1/4. I mean… at least both New York teams lost. We’ve got that to be happy about, right?
On to the West!
Avalanche vs Kraken: I picked Seattle because I thought it would be funny to pick a zero chance underdog. I was right. I am 4/5. The coin picked Colorado and is 1/5.
Stars vs Wild: The coin and I both picked the Twinkies and we were both wrong. I am 4/6 and the coin is 1/6.
Golden Knights vs Jets: The coin and I both picked Vegas and we were both right. I am 5/7 and the coin is 2/7.
Oilers vs Kings: The coin and I both picked Edmonton and we were both right. I am 6/8 and the coin is 3/8.
Are you fucking kidding me? I only missed two series and one of them was Boston’s choking on their own ass? Screw you, universe! My winning percentage is 75%. The coin flip is at 37.5%.
Who really gives a shit about the second round at this point? Aw, fuck.
In the East…
Maple Leafs vs Panthers: Fuck you. I hate the Leafs but I am picking them because fuck Florida. Fuck them right in their fucking ears. The coin picks Florida because it has no soul. Remember, the coin flip is me asking Siri to flip a coin and heads means the higher seed while tails is the lower seed. This time it was tails.
Whalers vs Devils: Go Devils. Even though I am still pissed that you moved your AHL team out of Lowell. The coin picks the Whalers because it has no soul.
On to the West…
Stars vs Kraken: Okay, Dallas should own this but I’m sticking with Seattle. The coin agrees.
Golden Knights vs Oilers: I would have preferred this matchup in the third round but what can you do. I am picking Edmonton because I want to see an Oilers vs Kraken match up next round. The coin also picks the Oilers.
And there you have it. Traditionally my picks are awesome in the first round (fuck you, Bruins) and awful awful awful in the second round so take this at your own risk, m’kay?
I am so pissed off at the Bruins that I may never watch a single game for the rest of the year. This sucks.
I have mixed feelings. First, I was hoping they would end up being the new breed of eternal losers. Now that the Red Sox (and the Cubs, I guess) have ended their futility streaks, it was time to replace them with a new team that consistently comes close but never wins… well. So much for that.
On the other hand, Mookie Betts. I want Mookie to win it over and over again. I want the Red Sox to constantly be reminded of how they screwed up by letting one of the best players in the game go. I don’t want the Dodgers to be a dynasty, but if that’s the price I have to pay to see Mookie be a dynasty then so be it.
Anyway, there is the coin flip predictions to wrap up. The coins picked seven out of 14 series leading up to the World Series. Exactly 50% correct. With an odd number of picks to make it was never going to finish off at 50%. It was either going to be one above or one below.
How’d it turn out?
One below. A final record of 7/8. The coin picked the (Devil) Rays and they lost. That leaves the final success rate at 47%. Good job, totally random coin flips. You did exactly what you were supposed to.
It’s coin flip time again. The League Championships are over and the pennants have been won and there were lots of sick comebacks, both successful and otherwise.
So how did I do? First, let’s recap. The coin flip predictions in the first round were even at 4-4. The second round was a slaughter at 1-3. That’s 5-7 on the playoffs so far. Now let’s see the third round results, shall we?
Astros vs Rays: The coin picked the Rays, which was nice because the Astros are cheating pricks (so are my Red Sox, but let’s not talk about that today). Who won? The Rays won! The coin was right!
Braves vs Dodgers: The coin picked The Dodgers. The Dodgers should win it all, right? They are awesome. Still… they’ve blown it in the playoffs in each of the last 4000 years, so how’d they do this round? They didn’t blow it! They won! The coin was right again!
I was 2-0 in the Championship round, which puts the coins at… 7-7! Exactly 50% correct! Which is what a coin should do! How cool is that? Now there is an odd number of series in the post season, so it’s impossible to finish at 50/50, but whatever happens in the World Series, I will be as close to 50/50 has mathematically possible.
Let’s let the coin pick one more time. Heads for American League champ, tails for National League champ…..
Rays vs Dodgers: It’s Heads, babie! The Rays, whom I loathe, unfortunately, will bring the World Series to the American League East yet again, and the Dodgers will blow it in the big show once more!
There you have it, boys and girls. The Tampa Bay (devil) Rays will win the World Series!
The coin flip picks experiment for the second round of the MLB playoffs is complete, and it wasn’t good. The Yankees lost, so that’s good though.
In the wild card round the coins ended with a record of four correct picks and four incorrect pics. 4-4. How did they fair in the second round (hint: not good)?
Astros vs A’s: The coin picked the team that invented the sign stealing scheme and used it to win a world series. I can’t complain too much because the guy who invented it also took it to Boston and won a world series with my beloved Red Sox…. so yeah, cheatin’ all around. Crud. The coin picked the Astros and the Astros won. My record is 1-0. Feels good? Don’t get used to it.
Yankees vs Rays: The coin picked the Yankees and as a result, once this is over I am taking the quarter in question outside to the sewer drain across the street from my house and dropping it in. Stupid coin. Fortunately, the coin was wrong and the Rays won. Unfortunately, I hate the Rays too… but at least the Yankees are out. That’s sweet. My record is 1-1.
Now for the National League slaughter………
Padres vs Dodgers: Someday I would like to live in San Diego, or at least visit much more often than we do. I would not like to live in Los Angeles. The coin picked the Padres (yay!) but the Dodgers won (boo!). My record is 1-2.
Marlins vs Braves: The coin picked the Marlins, but fate knew that the Braves were originally from Boston and thought I would maybe want a Boston-ish team to root for and the Braves won. My record is 1-3.
So the first round is 4-4 and the second round is 1-3 which puts me and my coins at a dismal 5-7. It looks bad, but two correct picks in the Pennant round could bring me right back to 50/50, right? Here goes!
Heads for the higher seed, tails for the lower seed….
Astros vs Rays: (please don’t come up tails, please don’t come up tails) Heads, we’re picking the Rays!
Braves vs Dodgers: (the Dodgers are a juggernaut and pretty much a shoe in to win the world series, please come up head, please come up heads) Heads! We’re rooting for Mookie Betts again and picking the Dodgers!
So there you go, kids. The Rays and the Dodgers. That’s my coin-flip-pick for the world series match up. If both series go seven games then we’ll have the results by October 19th. See you then!
Inside the Red Head's Head 