NHL Second Round Predictions

Who the hell cares. Why do I bother? This sucks.

First round recap, starting in the East:

Bruins vs Panthers: Fuck you. I’m 0/1 and so is the coin flip.

Maple Leafs vs Lightning: I picked the Leafs so I am 1/2. The coin flip (aka Siri) picked the Lightning so it’s 0/2.

Whalers vs Islanders: I picked the Whale even though it hurt my soul. I am 2/3. The coin flip picked New York because it has no soul and is now 0/3.

Devils vs Rangers: The coin and I both picked The Devils. I am 3/4 and it is 1/4. I mean… at least both New York teams lost. We’ve got that to be happy about, right?

On to the West!

Avalanche vs Kraken: I picked Seattle because I thought it would be funny to pick a zero chance underdog. I was right. I am 4/5. The coin picked Colorado and is 1/5.

Stars vs Wild: The coin and I both picked the Twinkies and we were both wrong. I am 4/6 and the coin is 1/6.

Golden Knights vs Jets: The coin and I both picked Vegas and we were both right. I am 5/7 and the coin is 2/7.

Oilers vs Kings: The coin and I both picked Edmonton and we were both right. I am 6/8 and the coin is 3/8.

Are you fucking kidding me? I only missed two series and one of them was Boston’s choking on their own ass? Screw you, universe! My winning percentage is 75%. The coin flip is at 37.5%.

Who really gives a shit about the second round at this point? Aw, fuck.

In the East…

Maple Leafs vs Panthers: Fuck you. I hate the Leafs but I am picking them because fuck Florida. Fuck them right in their fucking ears. The coin picks Florida because it has no soul. Remember, the coin flip is me asking Siri to flip a coin and heads means the higher seed while tails is the lower seed. This time it was tails.

Whalers vs Devils: Go Devils. Even though I am still pissed that you moved your AHL team out of Lowell. The coin picks the Whalers because it has no soul.

On to the West…

Stars vs Kraken: Okay, Dallas should own this but I’m sticking with Seattle. The coin agrees.

Golden Knights vs Oilers: I would have preferred this matchup in the third round but what can you do. I am picking Edmonton because I want to see an Oilers vs Kraken match up next round. The coin also picks the Oilers.

And there you have it. Traditionally my picks are awesome in the first round (fuck you, Bruins) and awful awful awful in the second round so take this at your own risk, m’kay?

I am so pissed off at the Bruins that I may never watch a single game for the rest of the year. This sucks.