Tag: dad

Dad

My father passed away last night. My brother and sister were in the room with him. He went at almost the exact moment that the Red Sox finished off a win. That is literally the best way it could have happened. I didn’t say anything to anyone about it but I had been hoping for the last few days that when he did go, he would go with a Red Sox win.

My brother called when it was getting very close and Jen and I ran over there. He was gone when we got there, but that was okay. We were there earlier in the day and got to say our goodbyes.

I miss him already. Love you, Dad.

No Change

I’m at home. My stomach has been a mess the last two days, probably because I’ve had protein bars for almost all of my meals for over a week and now it’s fighting back. I had to go home and eat something real, and I’ve just been dealing with an acidy stomach that is churning and bubbling and a little nauseous and being weird. Last night I had a full on foamies as well. Tonight was a little better but I am afraid to be too far away from a safe and secure bathroom. Sorry about the TMI, but there you have it.

I was planning on going to work tomorrow but now I don’t know. They are not expecting me to come in (thank you for that) but I might work a little in the morning. Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know. I simply don’t know what to do. Maybe I’ll just wake up and go back to the hospice place and wait for however long it takes. I just don’t know.

Checking In

I’ve been at the hospice facility for almost six hours now. My father has been asleep almost the entire time. His breathing is a little shallow and every now and then it sounds a little labored but for the most part he is consistent.

I don’t know what any of that means. I don’t know how long this is going to go on. I do know that they are telling us he will not be getting better and will only get worse.

I also know that my heart is breaking and that it’s only been a year and a half since we went through something very similar with my mother and I haven’t quite gotten over that experience yet and now here we are in the exact same room doing it all again.

I just don’t want him to be in pain. I don’t want him to suffer. I also don’t want him to go. I guess I am just a selfish son. Something along those lines at least.

I do have to work the next three days, though I should be able to swing a half day the day after tomorrow. My visit times will be limited until the weekend.

All in all I would much rather be visiting him at his apartment and watching a few innings worth of a Red Sox game. I would much rather that.

Hospice

I’m still not sharing any details, but my father is moving from the hospital to a hospice tonight and it’s awful and heartbreaking.

I’m so sad but I’m trying to put on a brave face for everyone else. As things progress I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep up the facade, as it were.

Long Day

Don’t you hate it when you read someone’s blog (or any social media) post where they talk cryptically about something but don’t give any specifics on what they are talking about and go out of their way to not share any details at all?

It was a long day. I left the house at a little past 11:00am and went to the hospital to stay with my father. I left at 7:00pm. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. There may be a family discussion tomorrow and if there is it may be rough. That’s all the detail you’re getting.

I am home with the love of my life now. My bride and our two psychotic cats. I am where I belong, even if I feel the need to spend time just sitting with my father during his time of trouble.

To quote the band Traffic from a song from their brilliant self titled second album, “who knows what tomorrow may bring?”

Day Game

The Red Sox and the Astros are playing a day game today. The Sox are up 3-1 in the eighth inning. I’m just watching the game with my dad.

It would be better if we weren’t in a hospital room, but I’ll take what I can get.

Changing Up Tomorrow

My annual review was scheduled for tomorrow but circumstances conspired to allow us to move it to today. Nice. That also means I can take a sick day tomorrow and spend the day at the hospital with my father. Visiting hours don’t start until 10:00am so instead of driving to the office at 7:30 I don’t have to leave the house until 9:30. That means I can either sleep a little later tomorrow, or I can get up at the usual time and play some guitar.

Mental health wise, both options would be wonderful, but I think the guitar playing thing might be key.

On an unrelated note, my wife is brilliant. She is just amazing and everyone knows it and agrees.

Stress

Why is it that missing a day of work makes things 100 times more stressful when you return the next day? I was out Friday and it seems like nothing really happened in my absence, but here we are today and I am stressing out over every tiny detail?

I thought this week would be a normal two-days-in-the-office week but now it’s three. I have three pieces of paperwork that I need to have done by (probably) Thursday. It should be super simple. In fact, there were four pieces of paperwork and I’ve already cranked out one of them. I’m freaking out over the remaining three though. Why? I have time off booked for Monday and Tuesday next week. I thought they were going to be music days, but now will the be spent with dad in the hospital? I don’t know. Maybe. Part of the time at least.

Seriously. Stop freaking out over nothing, Robert. You’ve got this shit covered. You can handle it. Stop stressing. Work is okay. Dad is going to be okay. Calm down and just get it done like you always do.

I think I might just be reacting to being sad that Bellana left for Vermont this morning. No clue when we’re going to see either kid again. I’m guessing that’s the real root of my struggles with this particular Monday.

Over all it’s not a bad day or anything, I am just stressin’ like ya do. May your Mondays be easier on the ol’ stomach, as it were.