Category: health

Vaccine FOMO?

I spent a good chunk of this morning going through nearly every vaccine distribution center in Massachusetts trying to luck into booking someone else’s cancelation. No dice.

Is it possible that part of my frustration at not being vaccinated yet can be chalked up to FOMO? The Fear of Missing Out?

No. No, it can’t. Not getting an invite to the Dispo app is FOMO (even though the entire concept of that app is flat out dumb, I still want in damn it, let me in!), but not getting vaccinated is not. The frustration over not getting a vaccine appointment is due to not having a vaccine appointment. That’s all, folks.

Jen is working today and Harry is at his dad’s so I am on my own. I’ll think of a cleaning project to do for a while then I’ll mess with my amplifiers. I said Jen is working, but the cat just ran into this room and Jen followed. Sometimes the cat gets into “Timmy’s stuck in the well” mode and makes us follow her places. It almost always ends on the bed where she just wants us to focus all of our attention on petting her. Our cat is both smart and powerful.

I am also trying to cheer myself up over my lack of a vaccination appointment by listening to Rush. Clockwork Angels, to be exact. Allow me to say that “Seven Cities of Gold” is possibly the best song ever recorded. The music annoyed the cat enough that she left the room (and allowed Jen to leave as well) but to me it’s pretty much the pinnacle of human accomplishment. I mean, that and the moon landing, but mostly Rush.

Okay, now that “Seven Cities of Gold” has finished, I’m listening to “The Wreckers” and I need to correct myself. “The Wreckers” is the high point of human accomplishment. There, fixed that.

Sleep

Why am I so damn tired? Why can’t I get a good nights sleep? I had a great nights sleep two nights ago but I was still exhausted all day. Then last night it was back to the usual crappy and now I am so tired I can’t read the words on this post. I have no idea if I’m spelling this thing correctly or not.

Why can’t I sleep, damn it??

The Vaccine Appointment Shuffle

It shouldn’t be frustrating but it is. I want a damn vaccine. We have three options now, I don’t care which one I get but I really can’t deal with waiting to get something.

Massachusetts is open for people under 65 with two of a short list of medical issues. They open new appointments at all delivery sites on Thursday at 8:00AM. It’s 8:07 and they haven’t released anything yet. They announced yesterday that there are so many people booked for their second dose now that there will be very few first dose appointments available this week. I was also hoping that next week they would be opening up to people under 65 with fewer than two comorbidities but they announced that they are opening up to all teachers and school staff first. That’s a good thing, and it’s something I wanted to see, but I wanted us to be done with those heroic folks already. That happens on March 11th. Pardon me while I spend another couple of minutes refreshing the appointment page….

It’s 8:10 now. Still nothing.

March 13th is the magic date for me. 3/13/20 was the last day I worked in my office. That’s the one year mark. I was hoping I might luck into my first shot before the anniversary. It doesn’t seem likely.

It’s 8:15, still nothing.

Frustrating.

8:20. Still nothing.

Surgical Success

Dad is out of surgery. They said he did excellent. What a relief!

This week has been a crazy, nutty, maniac of a week even without my father going back to the hospital I am very thankful that his piece of it went well as all of my work pieces of it are circling the crazy drain.

Big thanks to the staff at Tufts.

Send Your Happy Thoughts

My father is going to have surgery today. Serious surgery. I am fully confident that everything will go well. It’s not routine, but it’s as close to routine as something this big can be. I am also scared shitless. I’m sending all of the red head vibes I have to offer and I’m hoping everyone else will send all their happy thoughts as well.

Why Can’t I Sleep

Four out of the last five nights I’ve had epically bad sleep. I’m talking pre-CPAP therapy level bad sleep. Over the last week the nights that weren’t legendarily bad still weren’t good.

Why can’t I sleep anymore? Worry and stress and guilt are surely part of it, but why is it so much worse now than it was a couple of weeks ago? Nothing has changed.

My watch tells me that last night I got 3:45. How am I even alive anymore? What the hell, bro?

Bed Time

I had a crummy nights sleep last night and the night before. I should have gone to bed two hours ago but what can you do? Looks like I’m in for crummy sleep again tonight.

But at least there’s a new WandaVision out tomorrow.

Sweet dreams, everyone!

Stressful Day Ahead

I knew today was going to be stressful. Lots of meetings, lots of important imminent deadline kind of things. Work was going to be busy. Then last night the hospital asked to have a call with all of us at some point today to review the next steps for my father. They will let us know when. So all of my stress-filled plans are in flux so that I can join a call that will likely cause my stress level to increase exponentially.

It’s going to be a rough one today. Next week, when things actually happen at the hospital, is going to be worse but I’ll hurl myself off that stress inducing bridge when I come to it.

Yippee.

Good News is Scary

We got some good news about my father’s condition today. I should be happy. I should be thrilled. I am, partly, but I’m also scared out of my gourd. The good news involves coming home from the hospital for a couple of days before going back to the hospital again for major surgery. We thought he would be staying in until the surgery and the post-op recovery were complete.

He’s good enough to come home early. Yes! He’s still going back next week. No!

My emotional state feels like scrambled eggs look.

Intermittent Fasting

I just started my lunch break and in doing so I just ended last night’s intermittent fasting fast. I started the process 162 days ago. I haven’t missed a day. My Zero app tells me I missed a day, but that was due to a sync mess up when I tried to track a day on my iPad instead of my iPhone.

For the most part, the process has been pretty easy for me. I stop eating at 9:00PM and don’t start again until 1:00PM. There have been a few days where I had to end the daily fast a little early for whatever reason, and there have been a ton of days where the fast went long. The longest was a touch less than 24 hours. The shortest was… about 14 hours, I think. Over the last few days though it has not been easy. I don’t know what changed, but I have found myself bordering on ravenous at about 8:50 each night this week and have had to start my night’s fast 10-15 minutes late. Then the next day, by 10:00AM I am hungry enough that I am feeling a little sick.

Why? What’s different? My stress level is through the roof, but it’s been like that for three weeks. Why did the hungries start three days ago? I don’t know. It’s a mystery.

I haven’t gotten to the point where I am going to skip a day, or even stop all together. I’m thinking about it. I have come close to ending a night’s fast early, or start it an hour or two later instead of just a few minutes. I also haven’t exercised this week, and I didn’t weigh in on Tuesday. I don’t know what to do. I would like to ride this out and get back into the groove, as it were. I just don’t know. I told myself I wouldn’t do it if it made me feel sick, and it’s starting to make me feel sick.

We’ll see.