I’m starting the massive project known as the back yard clean up. When I finish today I will have completed about 0.1% of the total work.
Okay, so maybe 0.01% is more accurate.
There is a tree in the woods somewhere that is swaying in the breeze and creaking very loudly. Are it’s days numbered? It can do whatever it wants just as long as it stays away from my house.
I was just informed that due to Easter many people seem to believe that bunnies actually lay eggs. Allow me to take this opportunity to inform the universe that bunnies are mammals and therefore they do not, in fact, lay eggs. There is definitive proof of this so don’t go telling me I need to do more research or whatever the fuck the flat earth morons say when they are shown proof and don’t want to accept it.
Bunnies do not lay eggs.
QED.
This afternoon I was in the bedroom sitting at my desk and feeling like seasonal allergies were kinda kicking my butt. My nose was stuffy and I was coughing and stuff. Basically COVID symptoms without the COVID.
Fast forward a smidge and my beloved Jennifer and I were in the living room eating dinner and watching the aforementioned Tina Turner doc. I felt fine. Allergy free.
After dinner I went back to the bedroom to do my exercise for the day and wouldn’t you know it, the allergy symptoms came a-roaring back for more.
Why? What is the cause of this? Why one room and not the other?
It’s a mystery for the ages. I mean I doubt even Scooby Do and the gang could unravel this one.
I took the trash out. When I got outside one of the empty garbage barrels was knocked over. There were two squirrels hiding behind it. One saw me coming and ran for the woods. The other didn’t see me. I was able to walk right up to the barrel and kick it. The barrel, not the squirrel. I kicked the barrel into the squirrel and damn if that wasn’t a satisfying experience.
Effin rodent wants to scatter my trash all over the yard? Effin rodent wants to eat all of the bird seed? Screw you, squirrel! The barrel rolled right over the prick. Damn that felt good.
I know it’s only been two days, but I’m in the kind of mindset that requires an over abundance of back patting, if you know what I mean. Times is tough, dig?
Two days down, infinity days to go.
I have two pocket watches.
The one on the left is a cheap souvenir from Kennedy Space Center. The one on the right is a super nice watch that was a gift from my brother for being his best man.
They both need a battery. I’ve figured out how to pop the backs off of both of them, and I figured out how to get at the battery in the cheap guy but not quite on the nice guy. I don’t have batteries either. Also, I don’t have any actual need to get these kids up and running.
I’m going to do it though. Not today, but soon.
It just hit me… like a ton of bricks.
I knew it was out there. I knew it was close. Somehow doing the math made it worse. So, so much worse.
In 36 days…
I turn 50.
In the immortal words of the great Pam Poovey…
Holy shit snacks!
Which title is funnier:
You’re right… none of them are funny.
The forecast for our second attempt at an opening day calls for partly cloudy skies and temps in the high 30’s with a moderate to high chance of fans catching Covid-19.
Play Ball!
Also…
They can’t be any worse than last season!
Go Red Sox!
Patches has no interest in anything we watch on tv. I wonder if we watched something about cats would she pay attention?
Earlier tonight I needed to put on a mask. I had a slick little disposable N95 deal. I went to hook it over my ears and…….
Poked my idiot self in the eye.
That was like an hour ago.
It still hurts.
Stupid mask. Stupid, stupid mask.
Inside the Red Head's Head 