Month: June 2021

Misery

I’ve had exactly one day at the house since my father came home. I had one full blown break down while I was there, and then had another one when I got home. If I were cut out for being a home care nurse, I would have been a home care nurse. I haven’t asked my brother and sister if they feel the same way, but I’m willing to bet a pretty large sum that they do. I don’t think I can do this. I will for as long as I have to, but “have to” has to be a short time. It wasn’t the worst day of my life, that was Harry’s diabetes diagnosis day when the ER doctor at Boston Medical Center couldn’t tell us that he was going to be all right. Do you have any idea how scary it is to have a doctor give you a look that says, “your kid might not make it?” This is a Caribbean vacation compared to that day. Still… I don’t know what I’m going to do.

What I do know is that home care nurses are friggin’ super heroes.

Heat Wave

We have had two consecutive days with temperatures topping 90 degrees Fahrenheit. The forecast calls for the same for two more days. My step son’s last days of high school are going to fall right into the heat wave. In fact, because of the predicted heat his school has actually announced an early release tomorrow and possibly Tuesday too. So his last days… the days after your finals are over that you still have to go in… the most useless days of your high school career… will be short days.

I ask this of all who have ever graduated from an American high school… how jealous are you? I seem to remember having to go in for one day after my senior finals were over, and I also seem to remember it being the longest day ever. My memory tells me that happened, but it seems like such a silly and useless thing that I wonder if it actually happened? Was my last day actually the day of my last final exam? Now I am confused. Old and confused. What else is new?

Whatever, Harry’s done with finals. All he has to do is go back and sign out of his classes. You know, turn in his books, pick up his cap and gown and the parking passes for his parental units… good stuff like that.

I am so proud of him. I can’t put it into words. I’m too proud to explain. I hope he has the time of his life this week. His last days, then all the senior week stuff, then the actual graduation, then they have one final post-ceremony senior week activity, and then he’s done with high school. Then he is a college kid. No, a college man.

I will say it again, I am so proud of him.

Hot Stuff

I made a couple of cans of Campbell’s Chicken with Rice Soup for my parents dinner tonight. The can said to put it in the microwave for 2.5-3 minutes. Not knowing their microwave at all, I went with the minimum recommended cook time. Good thing. That bowl came out of the microwave hotter than the hottest circle of hell.

Just after I typed that last sentence my father asked me to help him get up out of his chair so that he could go to the bathroom. Right on queue I proved myself to be the useless waste of space that I already knew I was and not only did I fail to get him standing up, I failed to get him back into his chair in such a way that we could try a second time. He ended up with his back on the seat of the chair, and every time we tried to stand him up his feet flew out from under him and he almost fell. We ended up having my brother come all the way from Chelmsford and he was able to fix all of my idiotic mistakes. I’ve never felt this pathetic and useless and stupid and weak and did I already say pathetic and useless?

The only time I’ve ever felt this bad was the night Harry was diagnosed with diabetes. Tonight is a long distant second, but still second. I just want to dig a hole, crawl in, and never come out again.