Tag: time

Scary Demon Monster

I saw something scary in the cellar this morning. A demon from hell that is the scariest monster in the known universe.

I saw…

I can’t even type it, it’s so terrible…

I saw a house centipede.

Pause to give everyone some time to scream in abject terror for their very existence.

It was on the floor next to my pedal board in my music nook. I am pretty sure it was dead. It didn’t move as I approached it and if you know anything about house centipedes you know that they are the fastest muthas in the west. They don’t just let you walk up to them. When they see you coming, they bolt. This guy just sat there and even let my foot hover above him for a couple of seconds. Yeah, it was already dead.

If it wasn’t dead at that point though, it was certainly dead after I stepped on it. Squish, babie. One less demonic asshole in the world. Normally I would feel bad about squishing a little living thing, but these guys are so evil looking (and they scare the shit out of my wife) that I have sentenced all who enter my domain to death. Sorry, nature. I know they are actually good to have around because they eat all of the other bugs, but sometimes you cannot let evil like this exist, ya know?

Change of subject.

I am a dope. I also can’t tell time and I have a memory like a sieve. My wife is going to the office today. She told me she was leaving at 7:45. I made a note. I would make sure I got through my whole morning routine before then so that I could properly say goodbye to her.

I got up early and dashed down cellar to do my morning exercise. Success. I came upstairs and did a couple of things and then at the appropriate time I walked up to her office, where she was sitting at her desk, and was about to say that I was ready to wish her a good day whenever she was ready to go… and that was when I realized she said 7:45, not 6:45, and the current time was actually 6:45.

I am an idiot.

Well, at least I am ready to say goodbye when she is ready to go. I’ve got that going for me, right?

Scheduling Things is Difficult

The band’s facebook messenger chat page is exploding right now. We’re trying to get all four of us into a room together and it’s proving to be more difficult than ever before. Our traditional 6pm on Sunday rehearsal time is not doable. We’re waffling back and forth between earlier on Sundays and after work on Thursdays. Thursdays appear to be in the lead at the moment.

Scheduling things is difficult. Was it this hard to do when we were kids? Is this an adult thing? Is it a middle aged adult thing? It’s tough to say. Sometimes acting like a grown up sucks, but what can you do? The alternative (not being a grown up) is probably worse.

Okay. We’re booked for Thursday. I put it on my Google Calendar. It is officially set in stone now. Or something like that.

Longest Day Ever

Oh man, are you feeling it today too? Has today been the longest day in ages or what?

It’s Friday but I swear the clock is running slow. I think it’s only actually moving forward in time when I am looking at it. When I am not looking at the clock it is stopping itself somehow. I think the universe knows that I am just a few hours away from the weekend, and that I have a sick day booked on Monday (for a doctors appointment) so it’s actually a three day weekend for me… so it (the universe) is dicking with me.

What a jerk, eh? Hopefully it’s only affecting me and not all of you, dear readers. Hopefully your clocks are progressing appropriately.

Good luck out there, folks. It’s a weird one for sure!

Here Comes the Existential Pain

It’s April 30th. The last day of the month. Normally that’s not a big deal, but this month… this month…

April 2021 is the last full month of my forties. There is a day in the month of May… a day that is coming soon… a day that the first digit in my age changes, and that is a bad thing. When it changed from zero to one it was awesome. When it changed from one to two it was also awesome. When it changed from two to three… well that sucked. That sucked bad. When it changed from three to four it was painful but by then the damage was done, and I also had Jen to make me feel better about it.

Four changing to five feels about the same as three to four, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. I’ve got eight days left. Eight days left in my forties, which I didn’t even want in the first place but now that they are ending…

crap.

…….and I just found out my friend’s kid has Covid. The universe is a prick.

First Day of School

Just yesterday I met my wife’s kids for the first time.  There was a six year old who had just started first grade, and a four year old pre-schooler.  Somehow, just hours later, we have two middle school kids starting eighth and sixth grade respectively.  One of them is even a teenager!

Where the hell did the time go?

Wish my wonderful, brilliant, amazing step kids a happy first day of school.  Only 179 school days left until summer vacation!

New Years Already?

I’ve told this story before, I’m sure.

Back in the late 1970’s (or possibly the very early 1980’s) when I was just a little fat guy of less than 10 years of age, George Lucas announced to the world that there would be nine Star Wars movies and that he would release one every three years. My father, the undisputed master of all things math, instantly calculated that the final movie would hit the theaters in 2001. “You’ll be 30 years old,” he told the smaller yet still fat assed version of me, “so you’ll have to take me to see it.”

As someone who was probably between the ages of six and nine years old, the concept of a 30 year old me was a little too big to comprehend, let alone the idea of me taking my father anywhere. It did sort of set a date into my head though. 2001 was something real, not just a movie title. There were a bunch of years that would lead up to it, but once the calendar reached 2001 it would feel like I had arrived at my destination. Anything after 2001 could not possibly exist. It was just fantasy.

Until it happened, that is.

Now we stand here, just a few hours shy of the start of 2014. To that I say, No fricken way! Most people are thinking to themselves, where did 2013 go hahaha? Not me. I’m still thinking, where did 2010 go. And 2007. And 2002. What the hell?

My step son and I were talking the other day about how all kids wish they were adults, and all adults wish they were kids. That might be a slight exaggeration, but it’s not too far off. There is one reason for that adult wish that I never really considered when I was still a kid. The years go by so much faster when you’re older. If I had known that was going to happen I would have fought the changes much harder than I did! It’s like we reached 2001, then I blinked, and then it was 12/31/13! What the bloody hell happened???

Granted, I’ve done some cool stuff over those years. The stretch of time beginning in early April of 2007 through today stands out as particularly wonderful. Still… how can it be 2014? Wasn’t it just New Years Eve a few months ago? Can’t we slow down and smell the roses? Can’t we stop the world because I want to get off? Can’t we do any number of other cliches relating to the speed at which time passes?

Kid Morning Commute

I haven’t checked the time and distance on a commute that follows dropping off the kids in the morning. It’s also September now, so the times are going to be drastically longer.

Case in point. On Friday evening I pulled out of my parking spot at about 5:40 and pulled up to the house at about 6:30. That’s 50 minutes, and is the best time I could possibly hope for.

How’d I do this morning?

photo

Four minutes shy of double the time from last Friday. This is my life now.

Too Soon

The calendar says it’s August 1st.

No.
Nope.
Uh uh.
No way.
Not happening.

It is way too early in the summer for it to be this late in the summer. We’re less than a month from back to school. No way. I don’t believe it. It’s really like June 1st, not August 1st.

Slow down, time! Would you give us a break and slow down?

Urgh.

New Years Day

2012 went out not with a bang, nor a wimper, but a cough and a kleenex.

I haven’t been posting those daily plague updates, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still feeling it.  I’ve had a couple of coughing fits since coming home from work last night.  My nose has been running pretty much constantly.  If I had to estimate a percentage for how well I am vs how sick I am I would say I am 90% well.  That 10% sick is just a little annoying.

Jen and I went to bed a little after 11:00pm last night.  She went to sleep almost immediately.  I managed to stay awake by surfing on my iPad and writing a post.  I’m a little pissed off though because as I was finishing up I was watching the clock closely, adding a line each time the clock ticked a minute closer to midnight.  You can look at what I wrote, it was the post before this one.  When the clock struck 12:00 I wrote the last line really quick and hit publish.  When the page published it gave a date/time of 12/31/12 @ 11:59.  My iPad clock said 1/1/13 @ 12:00.  Stupid dumb inaccurate clocks.  I don’t know which one was wrong, and I don’t care.  I’m just sad that my goofy posting plan was foiled by father time.  That jerk.

I, along with one other poor soul, have been officially on the on call clock for 23 minutes.  Only 23 hours and 37 minutes to go!

Urgh.

Happy Freakin’ New Year.

Pissed Off About Time Passing

I just had to open a file for work.  The name of the file needed to be the date that next week ends in yyyymmdd format.  In other words, 20130104.

2013.  Can you believe that next week is 2013?  I sure has hell can’t.

I met my wife in 2007 which is proof of that statement, “Time flies when you’re having fun” because it feels like our lives together have really just begun.  How can we be entering our sixth calendar year together?  That’s crazy!

I started my current job in 2004 with the belief that I would be out doing something else in two years.   Now it’s 2013 and I’m still here.

After Star Wars became a huge hit in 1977, George Lucas announced that he would be making nine Star Wars films in all and that each would take three years to make.  That would put the release date for episode nine in 2001.  My dad joked that I’d be 30 years old and that I would have to take him to the movies instead of the other way around.  2001 was 11 years ago.

I graduated high school in 1989.  The turn of the century felt like some far off distant land.  Now we’re in the third year of the second decade of the new century.  That’s insane!  I should also mention that my 21st birthday turns 21 in 2013.  Think about that.

The Red Sox ended all of that curse of the bambino bullshit in 2004… Nine years ago.

Carl Yastrzemski played his final game in 1983… 30 years ago.  (oh and by the way, Yaz is now 73 years old)

Here’s the worst one, by far…

I still remember being all jazzed up about the start of the 1980’s.  The 70’s are over, man.  It’s time for the 80’s!  Bring on the flying cars and moon bases!  WOOHOO!  I was nine on January 1, 1980.  It seemed like such a massively humongous event.  Now, suddenly, 1980 has morphed into 2013.  Urgh!

What the hell happened???