Tag: stanley cup playoffs

NHL Stanley Cup Final Predictions

You know something? This NHL playoff season has sucked. Suck Suck Sucked. My predictions have sucked, but they always suck. This year the teams and the matchups suck. It’s like the universe has been letting teams advanced based mostly on how little I care about them.

How did my third round predictions work out? Badly. As usual.

Eastern Conference, Whalers vs Panthers: I fucking hate the Florida Panthers. I hate the Whaler-canes too, but I hate Florida even more. As if that nazi prick Desantis weren’t disgusting enough, now the Panthers advance to the Cup Final? Fuck them. I picked the Whale, of course, and I guaranteed they would lose. Pricks. That makes me six out of 13 for the post season, which drops me below 50%. Asshats. The coin flip picked the Whale too so it is now five out of 13. Suck.

Western Conference, Golden Knights vs Stars: I feel almost redeemed here. I picked Vegas. I thought they were going to sweep but they blew two games and made it look like a series before winning in six. They bring me back to 50% at seven out of 14. Thankfully. The coin flip picked Dallas and lost yet again. That’s five out of 14 for a pathetic 35.7%.

So that leaves the final, and I am guessing based on my statement in the Eastern Conference Final recap you can guess who I am going to pick.

Stanley Cup Final Round, Vegas Golden Knights vs the Fucking Florida Panthers: Can you guess who I am picking? Go on, guess. Vegas. Hockey Gods willing, they’ll win it in four, but I can’t be that lucky. The coin flip was heads, so it picks the higher seed, and that is Vegas. We’re both picking the Western Conference champs because Florida sucks. Fuck Florida. Fuck them right in their fucking ears.

If Vegas wins, I will have picked more than half of the matchups correctly. If Vegas loses I will have picked more than half of the matchups incorrectly. Given the results of the first three rounds, I can pretty much bank on Vegas losing because hockey as a living entity hates me almost as much as I hate Florida. Fucking Panther pricks.

NHL Third Round Predictions

The Eastern Conference Finals started last night so I am a day late. Don’t worry, the game one results won’t change my prediction.

My first round predictions were good. I picked 6/8 series correctly. My coin flip was less good. It picked 3/8 series correctly.

My second round pics were horrible. Let’s review.

Maple Leafs vs Panthers. Fuck you, Leafs. I am 6/9 now. The coin picked Florida because it’s an asshole. The coin is now 4/9.

Whalers vs Devils. I picked the Devils and they lost because they hate me. I am now 6/10. The coin picked the Whale. Asshole. The coin is 5/10.

Stars vs Kraken. I picked the Kraken even though I knew they were going to lose, and they did. I am 6/11. The coin also picked the Kraken. It is 5/11.

Golden Knights vs Oilers. The coin and I both picked Edmonton and we were both wrong. I am now 6/12 and the coin is 5/12.

Well, after getting all four series wrong in the second round and having my Western Conference pick (Edmonton) get bounced the way my overall pick (Boston) was bounced in the first round… at least I am still doing better than the coin flip.

This is the least interesting conference finals in my lifetime. I honestly don’t give a shit about any of these teams and I flat out fucking loathe both Eastern Conference teams. I would say the only team I have even the slightest interest in rooting for is Vegas and that’s just barely.

Okay, let’s set down the official picks for the third round.

Eastern Conference, Whalers vs Panthers: I absolutely hate both of these teams. I don’t give a flying fuck which one wins. If I have to pick one though, I would pick the Whale, which guarantees they will lose. The coin flip (heads for higher seed, tails for lower) picks the Whalers as well.

Western Conference, Golden Knights vs Stars: I am not a Dallas fan in the slightest. I recall once rooting for Vegas for about five minutes so I guess I am picking Vegas in the interest of having something worth rooting for even though I could give a flying leap. The coin is a dick (as previously mentioned) and it picked Dallas.

So there you go. I am at 50% over all, six correct picks in 12 series, and the coin is a smidge under 50%, five correct picks in 12 series, and my Stanley Cup Final match up pick is the Carolina Hartford Whalers vs the Vegas Golden Knights. Big fucking deal. Boring.

NHL Second Round Predictions

Who the hell cares. Why do I bother? This sucks.

First round recap, starting in the East:

Bruins vs Panthers: Fuck you. I’m 0/1 and so is the coin flip.

Maple Leafs vs Lightning: I picked the Leafs so I am 1/2. The coin flip (aka Siri) picked the Lightning so it’s 0/2.

Whalers vs Islanders: I picked the Whale even though it hurt my soul. I am 2/3. The coin flip picked New York because it has no soul and is now 0/3.

Devils vs Rangers: The coin and I both picked The Devils. I am 3/4 and it is 1/4. I mean… at least both New York teams lost. We’ve got that to be happy about, right?

On to the West!

Avalanche vs Kraken: I picked Seattle because I thought it would be funny to pick a zero chance underdog. I was right. I am 4/5. The coin picked Colorado and is 1/5.

Stars vs Wild: The coin and I both picked the Twinkies and we were both wrong. I am 4/6 and the coin is 1/6.

Golden Knights vs Jets: The coin and I both picked Vegas and we were both right. I am 5/7 and the coin is 2/7.

Oilers vs Kings: The coin and I both picked Edmonton and we were both right. I am 6/8 and the coin is 3/8.

Are you fucking kidding me? I only missed two series and one of them was Boston’s choking on their own ass? Screw you, universe! My winning percentage is 75%. The coin flip is at 37.5%.

Who really gives a shit about the second round at this point? Aw, fuck.

In the East…

Maple Leafs vs Panthers: Fuck you. I hate the Leafs but I am picking them because fuck Florida. Fuck them right in their fucking ears. The coin picks Florida because it has no soul. Remember, the coin flip is me asking Siri to flip a coin and heads means the higher seed while tails is the lower seed. This time it was tails.

Whalers vs Devils: Go Devils. Even though I am still pissed that you moved your AHL team out of Lowell. The coin picks the Whalers because it has no soul.

On to the West…

Stars vs Kraken: Okay, Dallas should own this but I’m sticking with Seattle. The coin agrees.

Golden Knights vs Oilers: I would have preferred this matchup in the third round but what can you do. I am picking Edmonton because I want to see an Oilers vs Kraken match up next round. The coin also picks the Oilers.

And there you have it. Traditionally my picks are awesome in the first round (fuck you, Bruins) and awful awful awful in the second round so take this at your own risk, m’kay?

I am so pissed off at the Bruins that I may never watch a single game for the rest of the year. This sucks.

Trailing After Two

The Bruins are down a goal, 3-2 after two periods in game six tonight and I don’t think my heart can take much more of this. They looked sloppy as hell in the 2nd period. I need a huge improvement in the 3rd, and I need them to run up at least a 12 goal lead.

Come on, Bruins! Let’s Freakin’ Go!!

Taylor Hall

Anyone else getting the feeling that Taylor Hall doesn’t want the Bruins season to end?

He had, what, 22 points in today’s game? (A slight exaggeration on my part)

That’s Better, Bruins

After getting their asses handed to them in game two, the Bruins are up 3-0 late in the third period of game three.

Much better, Bruins.

Game Seven

We are just a few minutes away from game seven of the Bruins first round series against the whalers.

The home team has won every game this round. We need that to change tonight as we are the road team.

There is no reason the Bruins can’t win this one. It’s been an even series, but I’ve got a good feeling today. Cautious optimism and everything.

Go Bruins!

Two Goal Lead

The Bruins have a two goal lead after two periods. I’ve been watching the game out of the corner of my eye, and it sure looked like the Whalers carried the play for most of the second period. Here’s hoping the Bruins hang on.

Patches looks nervous, but the Bruins are in a good spot going into the third.