The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 40

The kids just went for a drive. They are going to be gone all afternoon.

They are responsible, they are mature, they are ridiculously smart. I have no doubt that they will be safe and not do anything that will expose them to the ‘rona.

Still.

Color me scared shitless. Can things go back to normal now? Pretty please?

Patio Lunch

We all knew it would happen eventually. Welcome to the first working-from-home-lunch-break-on-the-patio of the quarantine.

I have a conference call in 25 minutes, and I have everything I need in order to join it out here with me. Do I take the call out here or do I go back to my desk?

Probably go back to my desk.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 39: Monkey

I grew up in Tewksbury, Massachusetts.  Tewksbury, MA to us locals.

I just saw a post on BookFayce that is a screen shot of what looks like a reverse 911 text message stating that there is a monkey on the loose in Tewksbury.

A monkey.

Running amok (I assume) in my former town.

I am so fucking jealous I can’t even tell you.  I want a monkey to come to my house now.  Why should Tewksbury get all the monkeys?  Why can’t Methuen get a monkey too?  We get turkeys and deer and groundhogs and foxes and (once, I think) bobcats and (maybe) coyotes and hawks and eagles.  I want monkeys too!

I WANT AN EFFING MONKEY!!!!

The Most Useful Quarantine Tool

A couple of years ago Jen and I took a drive North for no reason other than we like to go on day trip drives and there is a lot of cool stuff to the North.

On this particular drive we ended up near Lake Winnipesaukee. I forget what town we were in but there was this ice cream shoppe and we had to stop in.

They had a little gift shop inside and we bought some silly little trinkets for the kids. I bought a couple of these things:

I got one for me and one for Harry. Why? Because they have names engraved on them, that’s why:

I would have bought one for Bellana too, but that particular first name doesn’t end up on gift shop trinkets that aren’t custom made. Rob and Harry, easy to find. Bellana? Not so much.

Harry lost his. He had it in his backpack when we flew to Florida last summer and TSA tends to frown on bringing knives onto airplanes.

Mine stayed on my bureau. Every once in a while I’d need a knife to cut open a cardboard box or something and I’d take it out and use it, goofily… because it’s a gift shop trinket with my first name on it.

Fast forward a year or so and find us up to our eyeballs in COVID-19 Lock Down. During the last two months the only time I don’t have this little pocket knife on my person is when I’m asleep. We have been surviving off of Amazon and Instacart and every day there are boxes and bags that need to be cut open. This little puppy has been my right hand man. I’ve used it so much that I’ve actually had to sharpen it a couple of times.

So I’d just like to take a minute and sing the praises of this little souvenir shop trinket that has become the most useful tool of the quarantine. Thanks, little Lake Winnipesaukee fake Swiss Army knife! Keep up the good work, my friend.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 38

I had a Google Hangouts chat on my computer going with Jen.  We were talking about returning a purchase to Best Buy.

I had a text chat on my phone going with Larry.  We were talking about Bellana’s birthday.

I answered Larry’s text chat in Jen’s Hangouts chat even though the two mediums have zero in common.  I typed a text on my keyboard instead of my iPhone…

and I didn’t notice until half an hour after I clicked send.

My New Favorite Thing in the Whole Wide World

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Jen sent me a John Oliver video today that was talking about how professional sports fit into this weird quarantined world.  He mentioned something that is officially the greatest thing that has every happened to the quarantined universe.

Jelle’s Marble Runs.

If you’re missing professional sports, this is what you need to fill that hole in your life.

Marble racing.

OMG this is amazing!

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 37

Hey, did I mention that our dishwasher is dead?  It’s been sliding down a pretty steep slope for the last few weeks and yesterday it reached a point where we decided it wasn’t a good idea to use it ever again.

We have a new one coming, but it won’t be delivered for a month.  Get ready for lots of hand washing the dishes, folks!