Tag: sarcasm

A Day to Celebrate Me

Today, August 12th, is National Middle Child Day and it’s all about me.

Lisa, my sister, was born in 1968. I was born in 1971. John, my brother, was born in 1977.

I was the baby in the family for six whole years. Six. Whole. Years. Just long enough to really get used to it. Then, as the story goes, on the day I got on the school bus for my first day of kindergarten, as the bus pulled away my mother turned to my father and asked if they could have another baby. They did.

Thus I was no longer the baby, I was now the middle child and I suffered all of the slings and arrows of misfortunate that went along with it. My sister was always in charge of everything. My brother got away with everything. I was just there in the middle getting overlooked.

Fortunately, all these years later, I finally have a day that allows me to proudly embrace my middle childhood. Sure I am a screwed up mess of a human, but at least I get a whole day. What does it really mean to be a middle child? I haven’t a clue. Click the link and read about it there.

Unrelated, today is also apparently National Vinyl Record day. So not only did I get overshadowed by my smarter, funnier, better looking siblings… I also get overshadowed by vinyl records. Okay. I get it. That’s just how it is.

You know this is all sarcasm, right? I don’t have to explicitly spell that out for everyone, do I? Wait… I think I just did. Damn it.

Hockey Panic

I’ve written about this before, probably a few times, but I’m doing it again so there…

Is it like this in other regions of the world? I live near Boston, Massachusetts in the good ol’ U.S.of A. Folks in Boston take their professional sports teams seriously. Very seriously. Ridiculously seriously. We’re kinda nuts. It’s the same across all of the major sports. Red Sox fans are nuts about their baseball team. Patriots fans are nuts about their football team. Celtics fans are nuts about their basketball team. Bruins fans are nuts about their hockey team. Revolution fans… are there any Revolution fans? Is pro soccer even a thing?

When I say we’re nuts about our teams, I don’t mean that in a positive way. I mean that in a clinical, potentially dangerous, bordering on mental illness kind of way. We’re insane. Our entire well being is often tied directly to our favorite team. For example, a few days ago the Boston Bruins beat the Toronto Maple Leafs in game four of their first round, best of seven playoff series. For those of us who are out of control with the craziness kinds of Bruins fans, that win put us on top of the world. Nothing could ever go wrong. Life is good. Life is grand. Go Bruins, the sun shines upon us favorably, world without end, amen. Last night, however, the Bruins lost to the Maple Leafs in game five of the series. That resulted in a spiraling depression that can never be undone. Life is unbearable. Life is intolerable. Nothing will ever go right for us again. the world is ending and we should just put it out of its misery and get it overwith.

My question, again, is… are sports fans in other cities this freakin’ insane? Are fans in other parts of the world inclined to tie their mental health and sense of well being to their sports teams in such a way that the tiniest of victories result in unimaginable bliss and any loss results in crippling depression?

I ask because after last night’s Bruins overtime loss to the Maple Leafs, the depression is pretty crippling and life doesn’t seem terribly worth living. That could all change in an instant if the Bruins win game six tomorrow. If they lose again though… there will likely be a long parade of Bruins fans lining up on the Tobin Bridge, just preparing themselves for the possibility of a game seven loss which would lead to most of them hurling themselves off of the largest bridge in Massachusetts (the previously mentioned Tobin Bridge) to escape the pain and suffering caused by yet another Bruins choke.

Are all sports fans this insane, or is it just a greater Boston area flavor of insanity? Inquiring minds need to know. I’m guessing people all over the globe are nuts like this, but Bostonians are just a little more nuttier. We could be, at least.

Do I have to say it? Do I have to add a to this?

Nope

Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite emojis?
View all responses

Yeah, I’m an adult so….

If I were a tween, 11 or 12 years old or so, I might find this writing prompt endlessly fascinating but I am old. Really old so… sorry, Skippy, I ain’t playing today.

Sure, I text or chat the odd thumbs up or happy face now and then but that is all. I didn’t bitch when the name “emoticon” was erased from the vernacular and replaced with emoji. I’m sure the Illuminati that secretly runs the internet had some fierce debates on that topic, but I wasn’t in on them so I just let it slide.

I will admit that I may have shed a metaphorical tear for the future of humanity when I learned that The Emoji Movie existed. That was too much for me to deal with.

So what I am saying is that I don’t have a favorite emoji. I remember the early days of America Online and therefore… “:)”

.

Right? If you love emoji then I love you for it. You do you, my brothers and sisters and only friends.

Clever Girl

Jen and I just watched Jurassic Park. It absolutely still holds up. Great flick.

I wonder why they never made a sequel (cough cough). You’d have thunk they could have cashed in big time if they had ever made a sequel (cough cough). They could have turned it into a franchise or something (cough cough).

Cat Scratch

I was sitting at my desk a few minutes ago, looking at the Covid-19 numbers for the day (they were bad. Very bad). Patches decided to jump up onto the desk and say hello. Her aim was a little off and one leg missed. It slipped off the desk and onto my leg. Her claws were out. She got me. No broken skin, but ouch.

The other day she got Jen on the shoulder when Jen tried to pick her up (she acts like she HATES being picked up, but she always purrs like crazy when Jen does it. I think she’s just playing hard to get and secretly loves being picked up).

We don’t have to worry about turning into some shitty 70’s rock song, do we?

is a given, okay?

Is Our Cat an Antivaxxer?

Jen and I were just talking about antivaxxers. I told her that by not being an antivaxxer herself, she has given me everything I need to make me happy. What a perfect gift, am I right?

We then started wondering if Miss Patches the Kitty was an antivaxxer. It tough to say. I caught her listening to the Joe Rogan podcast. He said he wasn’t anti vaccine once but it’s kind of a red flag. I’ve also caught her on YouTube a couple of times and she quickly clicks off before I can see what she’s looking at.

I don’t know… lots of red flags.

iPad Multitask

I just used the iPad’s multitask function for the first time. I was taking notes on songs I might want to re-record. Chrome was open on the left half of my screen, playing tracks from alonetone.com, while Trello was open on the right so I could add a comment to each song’s card.

It was so cool it literally changed my life.*

*

#Sarcasm

<sarcasm>

I’m back to my parents place for the night and it’s awesome. It’s a total blast. I have no residual emotional stress relating to spending nights in the house where I was so depressed that my best friend once told me he was worried I was going to do something to hurt myself. Nope, I feel great now. Just wonderful.

Obviously those fears were unjustified, but there were times when I was worried about the same thing. All of that was in this house. Yup, I love it here. Just love being here. Sure, the day I moved out ranks in the top five happiest days of my life*, but that doesn’t mean that staying here again isn’t the most awesome, awesome thing I could do.

Being here is the best.

</sarcasm>

*Off the top of my head, could my short list of happiest moments be?…

1. Our wedding.
2. Jen saying yes when I proposed.
3. Falling for Jen.
4. Meeting the kids.
5. Moving in with Jen and the kids.
6. Buying and moving into a house of our own.
7. Harry being his old self again after a couple of days worth of near unconsciousness in the PICU.
8 & 9 (tied). Bellana and Harry graduating from high school.
10. Raising the double freedom rockets and giving a hearty fuck you to the previous 33 years of failure and misery in my life and finally graduating from college.

Like I said, that’s just off the top of my head. If I really sat down and examined my emotional state during all of these experiences, number 7 would likely jump a lot higher on that list. Possibly because the events leading up to that wonderful moment are hands down, no question number one on the list of the worst moments of my life. Like, no contest. As bad as things are now and as bad as all the bad things that have happened to me and to those I care about throughout the last 50 years, nothing comes close to being as terrifying and horrible as Harry’s time in the hospital during the first days of diabetes. That first time he got himself up out of the hospital bed and sat up in a chair and talked to us as if nothing happened… fuck me, that was a glorious moment. That was bliss. I will treasure that particular happy moment forever.

THE STIR CRAZY FILES – EPISODE 73: Mr Fix It

Well, this morning one of our smoke detectors started giving the low battery squawk. We needed a tried and true handy man to track it down, take it off the ceiling, change the batteries, and put it back on the ceiling. We needed a hero. Fortunately that hero was available and came through for us. That hero… was me.

Yes, Robert is so tall that when the low battery squawk starts his head is close enough to the ceiling that he can both track down the ailing unit and reach up to unscrew it from its perch. Yes, his skills are virtually endless. The biggest challenge though was getting the dying batteries out of the damm thing. Something about the model we have, they really stick those batteries in there good. I was, of course, able to prevail in that struggle, and all is well with our smoke detecting system once more.

Please, please, no applause. Just throw money.

Now if I could just figure out why my SleepWatch report from last night keeps disappearing (was it because my watch was on the charger?) and why I only managed an 8% sleeping heart rate dip last night. That is just not optimal! (On the report it labels 8% as “not optimal” so you see what I did there?)

I really need Covid to be over. Really.