I am Bad at Predictions

More proof that I ain’t no prophet, right?

In the last post I wished everyone an easy Friday at work. Within 10 minutes of punching in this morning I got hit by a metaphorical bus known as one of our biggest customers. Everything is under control now, but yikes, eh?

Why does Apple’s podcast app suck so bad? Specifically on iPadOS. It keeps crashing and losing it’s place and what the hell, bro? I already listened to that Loki Episode 2 podcast, I don’t want to listen to it again, and I was halfway through this other Loki Episode 2 podcast so why are you starting from the beginning again? Also, where the hell are the new episodes of podcasts I subscribe to? They aren’t all a day late, are they? Come on, Apple. You want to lose to some crap fest like Stitcher? Or, heaven forbid, Spotify? Crud, babie. Crud. Get your podcast catching ass in gear, okay?

So, Loki… are they going to pull a fast one on us and have the TVA end up as the bad guys? If you think that’s a spoiler, read the title of this post again. No spoilers here, unless we’re talking about Fear the Walking Dead. I’ll spoil the shit out of that dumpster fire (no I won’t). Those of us who are still watching deserve it. Masochism, babie. Masochism.

I need to play guitar this weekend. I need to cut the grass, but I need to play guitar. Do you get where I’m coming from? While I need to watch the new Rick and Morty episode this weekend, I need to play guitar. Yeah, you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

Okay then. Back to work, fat boy. Back to work.

NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Predictions – Round Three

I am not good at the second round. Every year it’s the same thing. First round, good. Second round, awful.

After one round I was 5-3 because the Maple Leafs suck. My coin flip was 2-4, again because the Leafs suck.

How’s it look after the second round?

The Bruins and the Islanders. Shut up. I’m not crying, you’re crying. Stop being such a butt munch, you jerk. I am now 5-4.

Hurricanes and Lightning. The coin and I both picked the lightning. Good work, me. I am 6-4 and the coin is 3-4. That’s it for good news for me.

Avalanche and Golden Knights. Welp… my pick to win it all is out of it. I picked the Avs and the coin picked Vegas. I am 6-5 and the coin is 4-4.

Canadiens vs Jets. Oh for fucks sake. I picked the Jets and the coin picked Montreal. Montreal won because they suck and also because the Leafs suck. I am 6-6 and the coin is 5-4.

So I guess that leaves us with the third round. They don’t seem to be calling it the Conference Finals this year. Instead it is the Stanley Cup Semifinals. Whatever, the Bruins aren’t in it so I hate it.

No. 3 Tampa Bay Lightning vs No. 4 New York Islanders: I hate them both. I hate Tampa because they beat us… last year was it? I don’t care, I hate them. I hate the Islanders more though because they beat us last week and they are from New York, even though they aren’t the real hockey team from New York (The Rangers didn’t make it this year because they suck). So I guess I am picking Tampa because I hate them slightly less. The coin flip (heads for the higher seed, tails for the lower) also picked Tampa.

No. 2 Vegas Golden Knights vs No. 4 Montreal Canadiens: Again, I hate them both. I didn’t hate Vegas a few days ago, but then they beat the team I was expecting to win it all so I hate them now. Montreal though… Can you feel the hate flowing through me? I hate the Montreal Canadiens the way a Sith Lord hates the Jedi. I hate them the way stormtroopers hate shooting straight. I hate them the way Tribbles hate Klingons. I hate them the way Science Fiction nerds hate it when blog writers mix Star Wars and Star Trek metaphors. Again, I am picking the lesser of the two hates and predicting a win for Vegas. The coin flip, for the second round in a row, picks Montreal. I hate that effin’ coin.

What does all of this mean?

It means the Bruins are out of it and it makes me sad. I could really used a Cup win this year. Thanks a bunch, guys.

NHL STanley Cup Playoffs Predictions – Round Two

Dude, you literally just said you weren’t going to do a predictions post until the Canadian Division’s first round was over, Yeah, well I say a lot of things that don’t come true, don’t I.

I will add an addendum to this after the Maple Leafs beat the Canadiens, because we all know that the Maple Leafs are going to beat the Canadiens. I will review all of my picks, and my coin flip picks, as they stand now and when the Canadiens are eliminated (likely sometime tonight) I’ll finalize everything. The second round is going to start tonight though so I should do something before then and this is it.

Let’s review 7/8ths of the first round and see how I did. Also, remember that in all but the East Division I made my pick and flipped a coin, so let’s also see how the coin is doing.

First, the East Division.

The Penguins and the Islanders. I picked the Penguins because I hate New York and the Penguins lost because I hate the Penguins and apparently they hate me right back. The Islanders won and I am officially 0-1.

The Capitals and the Bruins. I picked the Bruins but I thought it would be a tough series. It started out pretty tough with overtime in the first three games, but now that it’s over we have to ask ourselves if the Capitals ever really had a chance. I picked the Mighty Mighty Bruins and the Mighty Mighty Bruins won! WOOHOO! I am now 1-1.

Next up is the North Division.

The Maple Leafs vs the Canadiens. Winner still TBD, and by TBD I mean the Leafs are likely going to murderize the Habs in game six tonight. Until they make it official, I am still 1-1 and the coin flip is nil-nil.

The Oilers and the Jets. You know, dumbass, you literally said you wanted to pick the upset on this series but nooooo, you went and picked the higher seed. The stupid coin flip picked the same and we both look stupid, We picked the Oilers and the Jets won in a four game sweep. Smooth move, ex-lax. I am now 1-2 and the coin flip is 0-1.

On to the West division. Have you noticed that I forgot to do the Central? I sure did. Looking at my previous post I went and scrolled right over them to get to Canada. I’ll double back in a minute.

The Avalanche vs The Blues. I picked the Avs. The coin picked the Blues. One of us was right and one of us was wrong. The Avalanche won in a four game sweep. I picked the Avalanche. The coin picked the Blues. I was right. It was wrong. Suck it, Blues and suck it, coin. I am now 2-2 and the coin is a pathetic 0-2.

The Golden Knights vs The Wild. This series has the honor of being the first hockey I watched this season that didn’t have the Bruins on the ice, and that was last night. I picked Vegas and Vegas won and I was right. The coin picked the Wild and the Wild lost and the coin was wrong. I am now 3-2 and the coin is a shameful 0-3.

Oh hey look, it’s the Central Division. Remember them?

The Hurricanes and the Predators. The coin and I both picked the Whale and we were both correct because the Whale won it in six games. I am now 4-2 and the coin is on the board at last at 1-3.

The Panthers and the Lightning. I went with the upset and picked the Lightning. The coin did as well, though I don’t think its choice was based on the same logic. I think its choice was based on randomness or some shit. The Lightning won, regardless of the reason. I am now 5-2 and the coin is 2-3.

So I had a pretty good first round. If the Leafs win I go 6-2. If they lose I’m still a decent 5-3. I can live with that. I usually have really bad luck in the second round though, so all the more reason for the Leafs to win. If the Leafs win the coin will be an even 3-3 which is exactly how this is supposed to go, right?

Now for the second round… well, 3/4 of the second round at least.

As always, we start with the East Division…

No. 3 Boston Bruins vs No. 4 New York Islanders: Can you guess who I’m picking? Go on, guess. Let me give you a hint. I hate everything about all New York sports teams. You still can’t guess? Okay, another hint. I live in Boston and once held partial season tickets to the Bruins and I am currently wearing a Boston Bruins t-shirt and if you cut me I would literally bleed black and gold. Still can’t guess? Are you serious? Okay, I’ll make my pick. The Bruins will win. Hopefully quickly and easily, but more likely it’ll be six or seven games. The Islanders scare me, and not just because they are from the effin’ New York.

In the Central, because I didn’t forget all about them this time…

No. 1 Carolina Hurricanes vs No. 3 Tampa Bay Lightning: I’m not sure who to pick here. Do I go with the higher seed or the team that was unstoppable last year? I don’t know. Okay, I am going to pick the Lightning even though the idea of the Bruins facing them in round three yet again is kinda horrifying. No, I’m sticking to my gut and picking the Lightning to win. How about the coin flip? Heads for higher seed, tales for lower. The coin picks the Lightning too.

Go West, young man…

No 1. Colorado Avalanche vs No 2. Vegas Golden Knights: I want to say that this is a tough choice, and I guess on some level it is… but I’m pretty sure Colorado is going to win the Cup this year, so I am picking the Avs to win. Does our friend the coin flip agree? No. It disagrees. The coin picks Vegas and watch that son of a bitch be right. Stupid coin.

And finally the North division which isn’t even set yet…

Somebody vs No. 3 Winnipeg Jets: How about I make two picks for this round. One if the Leafs win and won if the Canadiens win. That sounds good. Then I don’t have to worry about the backlash when I pick later. Okay. I don’t think there is any doubt that the Maple Leafs are the team to beat in Canada. If the Maple Leafs advance to the second round they will win. If Montreal advances, Winnipeg will spank their asses the way Toronto should have, and the Jets will win. For Mr Coin Flip, if the Leafs advance they are the higher seed so heads is the Leafs. In that case the coin picks the Leafs. If Montreal wins they are the lower seed so the Jets would be heads. Should I do a separate flip or use the first flip? Screw it, I’ll use a separate flip. It’s my friggin’ blog post, I can make any stupid rules I want. It’s tails, so if the Canadiens advance, the Canadiens will win.

So there you have it. I technically don’t need to add an addendum after the Maple Leafs dismember the Canadiens tonight (or in game seven, if needed, but most likely tonight), but I probably will anyway.

The second round starts tonight with the Islanders at the Bruins at 8:00pm. Go Bruins! Stanley Cup or bust!

NHL Stanley Cup Quarterfinals Predictions – Round One

Here’s the thing about the NHL this season. I didn’t watch a single game outside of the East Division. There are 12 teams in the playoffs this year that I know literally nothing about. Here’s how I am going to handle it, predictions wise. For the East it is business as usual. For the other three divisions, I am going to make a gut feeling pick based mostly on the standings, but I am also going to make a coin flip pick. After the first round is over, I’ll compare the two and see how it went.

First, though, the East Division…

No. 1 Pittsburgh Penguins vs No. 4 New York Islanders: The Islanders have two strikes against them and the Penguins only have one. The Islanders are from New York (BOO!) and I have no faith in them at all. Two strikes. The Penguins’ only strike is that they are the friggin’ Penguins and I really hate the friggin’ Penguins. Still, I gotta pick them for this round. Pittsburgh will win.

No. 2 Washington Capitals vs No. 3 Boston Bruins: So there I was, at the trade deadline thinking, Taylor Hall? Really? He’s not going to put us over the top. He’s no winner. Well… I might have to stand here corrected. I am standing here beside myself corrected. I hope. My heroic, triumphant Boston Bruins have had a few clunkers of late, but I see them steam rolling the Caps in the first round. Please please please please please don’t make me eat those word too. Boston will win.

Next, the Central Division…

No. 1 Carolina Hurricanes vs No. 4 Nashville Predators: Not much doubt about this one, even without knowing anything about the two teams. I say Carolina wins this one. The coin flip (heads for the higher seed) says Carolina wins too.

No. 2 Florida Panthers vs No. 3 Tampa Bay Lightning: I’m picking the upset here. Probably because I am still thinking of the Lightning in terms of last season. I say Tampa Bay wins. The coin flip also says Tampa Bay wins. Weird.

On to the North Division…

No. 1 Toronto Maple Leafs vs No. 4 Montreal Canadiens: I hate the Montreal Canadiens with every fiber of my being. I hate them I hate them I hate them. Also, Toronto doesn’t have to play Boston in the first round so they won’t automatically lose again. I say Toronto wins, and probably wins the next round too. The coin flip says Toronto wins too. Is the coin like, reading my mind? Spooky.

No. 2 Edmonton Oilers vs. No. 3 Winnipeg Jets: I could maybe try a spoiler here too but I won’t. I say Edmonton wins (and probably pretty easily too). The coin says Edmonton wins too. Okay, this is starting to creep me out now.

Finally, the West Division where I will once again just pick the higher seed.

No. 1 Colorado Avalanche vs. No. 4 St. Louis Blues: Hey St. Louis, I got your Stanley Cup right here! (imagine me making a very rude hand gesture) You buncha jerkies. I’m not picking the Blues because I’m still pissed off about the last time. Also because I have a sneaking suspicion that the Avs are going to have a parade this year. They might get to do some on ice celebrating, possibly in Toronto. Hashtag foreshadowing. I say Colorado wins. The coin says St. Louis wins because the coin is an asshole. At least we finally have one where we didn’t pick the same team. Hey coin, I got your randomness right here! (imagine me making a very rude hand gesture)

No. 2 Vegas Golden Knights vs. No. 3 Minnesota Wild: Did you know that Minneapolis, MN is the only city outside of Boston, MA where I’ve attended an NHL game? Think that will lead me to pick them to win this series? Think again. I say Vegas wins. The coin, however, says that Minnesota wins. We shall see, Mr. Coin… we shall see.

There you have it, my first round playoff predictions for this the second 2021 playoff season which is also the second Covid-19 playoff season.

Go Bruins.

Another Corona-Monday

Looks like another corona-Monday…. Sing that to the tune of Tequila Sunrise. I’d come up with more, but I don’t know any more of that song. Like most American guitar players who grew up in the 80’s, I had a cup of coffee with Joe Walsh fandom, but I never really connected with The Eagles. Sorry, guys. James Gang… Funk #49… I wouldn’t mind The Lizardfish taking a crack at that one. I brought it up once, but it didn’t connect. Really, if you want to go James Gang, I’d rather go with something from the Tommy Bolin years. Bang is such a great album. Alexis is pretty close to perfect.

What was I talking about? I don’t know. It’s Monday and I am tired and sad and I want to go back to bed. The ‘Rona’s got me feeling blue today, I think. Bellana’s leaving for school on Wednesday. I saw a news report of the police department in Burlington breaking up a college party with over 100 people. Ugh. I can’t find the article now so I’m afraid I dreamed it. I just don’t want her exposed to that. There’s too much Covid out there.

Speaking of Lizardfish… well, specifically lizards… is it normal for your poison ivy rash to turn into lizard-like scales? That’s sure what it feels like right now. I’m all swollen from the steroids, and I am apparently growing armor on top of it. That can’t be good. Clearly the poison ivy situation is developing. The itch has been much lower today. I even forgot to take the Benadryl last night. The tendinitis though… is that just the new normal? Is my thumb going to hurt a lot for the rest of my life? That’s kinda the vibe I’m getting off of it right now. It’s been over a month without any positive changes. Am I going to keep the Ace Bandage company in business for the next 30 years? Ugh.

I got into a conversation in a guitar players bookfayce group today. It had something to do with using Klon style overdrive pedals as a boost. I mentioned I once tried a setup with a Klon pedal into a fulltone OCD into a a Klon clone, with the first Klon as a clean boost and the second as a huge volume boost. That discussion did too things. Once again it pissed me off to remember how the guy behind fulltone is such a racist prick that I can’t let myself use his products anymore… and I had to explain once again to a fellow bookfayce user how racism = bad, which added to the overall depression of the day, but it also made me realize that I haven’t needed a volume boost for lead parts since the last time Lizardfish played together which was February 1st. We’re coming up on seven months since I last played with the band. Well, fat boy, why don’t you just keep piling that depressing crap onto your shoulders like some kinda of glutton for punishment. Dumb ass.

Two of my coworkers are on vacation this week, which pretty much guarantees one of our customers is going to have a total system melt down within the next 4.5 days. It’s kind of a given. Oh good.

The Bruins won last night. Well that’s good, right? Game two is tomorrow. If Jaroslav Halak leads us to the Cup will he automatically become Mayor of Boston? Is that like… a thing? What will the Stanley Cup parade look like this year? If Boston wins, will there be one? If, let’s say, Tampa Bay wins (they won’t because Boston is going to bounce them in the second round, right? RIGHT???) will there be a giant parade without any masks or social distance measure that will result in thousands of new Covid-19 cases? Crap.

If there’s one thing about the nearly six months of Covid Lockdown (so far) that I have learned about myself it is that I still love Chef Boyardee Ravioli. I think I am eating it 25-30 times a week. I’m not getting sick of it yet. I might at some point, but not yet. I just had some for lunch. Bliss.

That Pedal Show usually does a Monday afternoon (US Easter Daylight Savings Time) live Q&A show. They are usually on when I go to lunch. I went to lunch half an hour ago and they still aren’t on. I think they knew I was feeling low today and are just rubbing salt into my emotional wounds. Not even Chef Boyardee Ravioli can pull me out of this one. A big plate of Quinoa for dinner tonight might be able to do it though.

What the hell was I talking about? This post was going to have a point. Now? Not so much. If you have kids, go hug them. If you have a spouse, go hug him/her. If you have poison ivy, for goodness sake STOP SCRATCHING IT!

By for now, kids.