I had a Google Hangouts chat on my computer going with Jen. We were talking about returning a purchase to Best Buy.
I had a text chat on my phone going with Larry. We were talking about Bellana’s birthday.
I answered Larry’s text chat in Jen’s Hangouts chat even though the two mediums have zero in common. I typed a text on my keyboard instead of my iPhone…
and I didn’t notice until half an hour after I clicked send.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
Jen sent me a John Oliver video today that was talking about how professional sports fit into this weird quarantined world. He mentioned something that is officially the greatest thing that has every happened to the quarantined universe.
Jelle’s Marble Runs.
If you’re missing professional sports, this is what you need to fill that hole in your life.
Marble racing.
OMG this is amazing!
Hey, did I mention that our dishwasher is dead? It’s been sliding down a pretty steep slope for the last few weeks and yesterday it reached a point where we decided it wasn’t a good idea to use it ever again.
We have a new one coming, but it won’t be delivered for a month. Get ready for lots of hand washing the dishes, folks!
Earlier today I was talking to my wife and she says to me, Rob, she says, maybe you should go outside and drive the cars around a little. The Kia (hybrid) hasn’t been started in about three weeks, and the Mazda (not hybrid) hasn’t been started in like two months.
That’s okay, I was planning on doing some car music tomorrow morning and I was thinking I’d take the Mazda because it’s been so long. She said that was a good plan and that was it.
Until….
We got a text from my sister in law saying they were in town and they were wondering if we could do a social-distance-driveway-visit. Yesterday we had a super awesome baking day. Jen made brownies that are awesome, and I made Tewksbury Tweets because that’s my thing. Jen suggested putting a plate full of brownies and tweets onto the car at the end of the driveway (the Kia). Good idea!
She put the food onto a paper plate, wrapped it in tin foil, and put it on the hood of the car. Not long after I was looking out the window and saw one of those sonofabitch squirrels eying the plate. No way, asshole. I went outside and scared him off. I figured I’d just hang out on the steps until the gang arrived. While I was out there I figured why not start the cars?
The Mazda is on the inside, blocked in, closest to the house. I was a little nervous but I hit that starter and boom, she started right up. While I was in there I hit the auto start for the Kia and… nothing. Okay. I shut off the Mazda, walked back to the Kia, hit the power lock… nothing. Uh oh.
We used the physical key to get into the car and it was dead, dead, dead. Stone dead. Okay, now what. A few years ago while we were having trouble with our old Nissan I bought a battery charger and an extra set of jumper cables. Tonight I went down cellar to the area where all the stuff that used to be in the garage now lives and dug around until I found them.
The battery charger intimidates me. I don’t know why. I have jumped a zillion cars in my day, why does this bother me? The jumper cables were a last resort as we would have to move the Mazda onto the grass for them to reach. The charger was definitely the way to go. Jen was kind enough to read the instructions and give me a quick tutorial. I went outside to get things ready. I popped the hood and… There isn’t a battery. At least not one that fits the traditional description.
Now Jen reminded me that she had to have AAA jump the car once before so we know it’s possible to jump start a hybrid. We just didn’t know how. There was a box under the hood with a + sign on it. I opened it up and it was all fuses and wires. Nothing that looked like a car battery terminal. I pulled out the manual (by default, an admission of failure) and quickly got frustrated trying to find literally anything. Off to youtube I went!
I found a video that showed what I needed. Apparently the positive terminal is in the + box, it just doesn’t look anything like any car battery terminal ever seen by human eyes. The ground terminal… well that sucker just doesn’t exist. The video suggested using a bolt that sticks out of the side of the engine block. I shit you not.
I set everything up, confidently press the start button even though no lights were on inside the car and… nothing. Shit. We reset the battery charging thing to charge the battery rather than start the engine and… nothing.
Jen was sitting in the drivers seat and noticed a button called Battery Reset, or something like that. I looked it up in the manual. It said, before jump starting your car try pushing this button. Jen pushed it. Everything lit up like the forth of July, and when Jen pressed the starter, Boom. It started right up.
Sonofabitch.
We didn’t need a jump start at all. Good thing we never called AAA! Boy would I have been embarrassed.
We let the car run for a few minutes, then broke everything down and brought it inside. I closed the hood, picked up a homemade COVID-19 Bandanna Mask (patent pending) that my beloved, genius, battery resetting wife made, and drove around town for 15 minutes or so.
Talk about stressful!
When I got home I parked on the street. If the battery turns itself off again the Mazda won’t be blocked in. Good idea.
The weather is spectacular today. Sunny, 67 degrees, the slightest touch of a breeze, not a cloud in the sky.
When I looked at the forecast I was excited that I’d get to open every window in the house and make it feel like a Springtime paradise.
Nope.
Three houses down from us, our neighbors are having work done on their roof. The crew doing the work are listening to music at a borderline absurd volume. When I opened the windows in our bedroom (current home of my work-from-home desk) I was assaulted by lame music.
Damn it.
I was hoping for a quiet day with just the breeze to keep me company. Instead I have to play my own music to drown out their music*. Granted, my music is awesome so it’s okay. It’s just not what I wanted today and I want what I want god damn it!
*The Sonos speaker in the bedroom has been playing through a playlist consisting of all Genesis records that include Steve Hackett on guitar. I’ve already burned through Nursery Cryme and Foxtrot. Right now I’m on Selling England by the Pound track three, “Firth of Fifth.” Steve Hackett’s shining guitar solo moment. A career defining moment if ever there was one. So my music is amazing. The roofers’ music… not so much.
Nothing specific making me feel stir crazy today.. More like everything working together to subtly drive me ape shit. My fuse is short and it’s burning bright. I need to stop feeling on edge.
I put a couple of broken down cardboard boxes out with the trash today. So did one of my neighbors. The trash pick up was about eight hours later than usual. I wonder if it was a different team. They didn’t take the cardboard. They didn’t take my neighbors cardboard either. We’ll try again next week.
I slept really well last night. Well, better than most nights at least. It doesn’t matter. I’m feeling really tired today. My eyes are also feeling really tired today. I’m seeing blurry. I’m tired of this. See what I did there? I said I was tired and then I said I was tired of this? Dig it? Ugh.
I have to put together a piece of furniture tonight. The box it came in weighs about 2,143,561,365,242,642,315,447,257 pounds. Okay, that’s an exaggeration… but only a small one. It probably weights 70 pounds and it’s huge. We’re not going to use this piece of furniture for what we purchased it for, but we’ve come up with an alternative use but that doesn’t change the fact that the box weights a ton.
I have two candles burning on the table next to my desk. I’m guessing if the lock down continues long enough I will have 20 candles burning on the table next to my desk. At least.
Why can’t I keep my glasses clean? It’s bad enough they aren’t strong enough anymore, but the least they could do is stay clean. Jerks.
I tried to keep up with the hourly push ups today but I am so wiped out from moving that furniture box into the house yesterday, along with all of the push ups from yesterday, that I am just too sore and tired to do it. I did a few, early, but I can’t keep up with it today. Try again tomorrow, fatty.
My back hurts. My legs hurt. My arms hurt. My eyelids hurt.
Quarantine sucks today.
Week Nine… I mean, come on.
Last week my company hinted that we’re going to be working from home until July at least. In my head I was thinking July or August. Nice that we’re on the same page.
Something I ate this morning is messing with me. If the threat of COVID-19 isn’t enough, try throwing an upset stomach on top of the lock down. Sucks, mate.
The temper fuses are most definitely getting shorter. Without naming any names, I think that age has something to do with it. The younger your general age group, the shorter the fuse and the easier it is for something innocuous to set you off. I’m positive that it’s all ‘rona related. No one is acting stressed out at any given time, but the overall background stress level is so insanely high that it doesn’t take much to go from casual, happy go lucky to, grrrrrrrrrr.
For me personally, I am trying to keep this in mind any time I feel my temper rising but I am doing a really awful, pathetic job regulating myself. I’ve lost my shit over stuff that is so minor it technically doesn’t exist but I haven’t been able to stop myself. I’ve read a comment on Facebook for something stupid and next thing I know I am out of my head with fury.
Hey Robert… lighten up, Francis.
Thursday is the two month point for me. Saturday March 14th was my first full day after work sent us home. Thursday is May 14th.
How ridiculous is that?
Continue to stay safe. Continue to do the social distance. Don’t be a dick and go out without a mask. Don’t be a dick in general.
Amazon delivered this yesterday:
Today is the day. When I woke up this morning I looked like this:
Eight weeks into quarantineland and I couldn’t take it anymore. Apparently neither could Jen because she volunteered to take care of it.
Success:
I feel like a new man. At last I can see what is in front of my face again.
Thank you, Jen. I love you so much!
A couple of weeks I grabbed a soda out of the fridge. It was part of a six pack of bottles of Diet Pepsi. I tried to open it and could not. Despite my seemingly super human strength (really I just put my weight behind it… and there is so much weight… it seems super human to the outside observer) I could not get the bastard open. There was something wrong with the cap. It was off the screw top track somehow and it wouldn’t budge.
I got pissed off and threw it away. Tempers can sometimes run short during a pandemic, as I’m sure the whole human race is aware.
This morning as I was starting my work day I went to the fridge and grabbed a soda… and the same thing happened.
Not this time, you prick. Not. This. Time.
Jen and I both booked a vacation day for tomorrow. All week I’ve been looking toward Friday thinking… you can do it… you can make it there. Now, it’s also my birthday so I’m not really looking forward to that, but otherwise… yeah, get here.
But what is a vacation day anyway? It used to be this glorious thing. Now… it’s the same as any other day, just without the whole work thing. On that front it’s still wonderful but we can’t really do anything special. You can’t make any cool plans for your day off that don’t involve staying home. We’re trying to come up with things, but most of what we have won’t happen for a couple of weeks. Yesterday we spent my lunch hour planning major kitchen renovations. It’s all up in the air at the moment, but it does involve hiring my step daughter to do some painting. More to come on that.
So I just need to get through the work day today and then I can start a glorious, social distanced, long weekend.
Oh, did I mention there’s a chance Jen might be cutting my hair this weekend? It’s going to be AWESOME!
Inside the Red Head's Head 