Category: health

Was I Wrong?

This whole time I thought that getting them into a safe place where they can get the care they need 24/7 would make me feel better. I don’t know if it’s some sort of adjustment period that I didn’t factor into the equation, but I really don’t feel better today.

Maybe it would feel different if we hadn’t hit the snags we hit yesterday. I knew my parents would need time to adjust to their new normal but I didn’t expect I’d need so much time too.

It’s only day two. I doubt day three will be better. Maybe day four?

Wrong

I am so tired of everything going wrong. I feel like I’m screaming into a hurricane and no one can hear me.

If I didn’t have Jen to help me through this I don’t think I would have made it this far. She’s my rock. She’s my hero.

I love you, sweetie.

Screaming

I’ll probably write up the events of the last three days at some point. Maybe later today.

I just wanted to take a second to mention this one tidbit. Over the last few months there have been a bunch of times when I wrote something along the lines of, I am going to start screaming and when I start I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop. You all ‘member that? Yeah, I ‘member!*

Well you’ll be pleased to know that there did in fact come a time when I did in fact start to scream. It was yesterday afternoon while sitting in the car. Fortunately I was able to stop.

So… win. Yay for me.

*Thats a South Park joke. FYI.

First Last Time

I’m getting ready to head over to my parents’ house. This is likely the last time I will go there while my parents are actually there. It won’t be the last time I go there because there is an eternity of work to do still. It’s just that after today my parents won’t be there anymore.

I expect a lot of emotion. Sadness, nostalgia, all of that. I expect tears. Probably not from me though. My tiny little brain has associated that house with all of the failures and mistakes I made during the first 36 years of my life. Specifically from the day I dropped out of college in 1990 to the day I moved back after getting out for a year in, I think, 1996, to the point where I was a college graduate working a full time job and still living with my parents in 2008.

It’s going to be hard for me not to jump up and down and celebrate while the rest of my family is sad and teary.

Home

I’m home. I’ve been home for an hour or so.

Without saying anything that might jinx things, or giving specifics, last night was most likely my last parent sitting shift. There has been a plan in the works to resolve their health care needs for a while now and those plans should be reaching their conclusion in the morning. Fingers crossed, knock on wood, insert your please don’t jinx anything spell or hex or whatever it is here.

I’ll give more precise details after it’s all done, but suffice to say that it should be over tomorrow, and last night was my last overnight. My sister is there now so she gets the last shift overall. We’ll all be at the house in the morning to carry it through the next step, but then that should be the end of the overnight stuff. It won’t be the end of everything, just the regularly scheduled overnights.

I’m so tired right now that I am not sure if anything I’m writing is making any sense, I just know that I need it to be over and we’re so close I can smell it and I am absolutely terrified that something is going to go wrong and fuck it all up.

Please please please don’t let anything go wrong and fuck it all up.

Wrapping Up

My parent sitting shift is coming to an end soon. It’s going to run a smidge late tonight, I think but that’s okay. I still don’t feel comfortable (or confident) in sharing what’s been happening, though the images from the last 24 hours probably paint a pretty good picture.

After my three hours and 20 minutes of sleep overnight last night, I have been more or less taking Diet Pepsi via an IV directly into my veins. Anything to keep my system as caffeinated as humanly possible. Give me that caramel colored, carbonated, caffeinated, gold.

Further proof that things are changing on the parent sitting front, I am going home tonight and coming back in the morning. Current theory is I’ll get here at some time between 8:00 and 9:00. I’m sure there will be further discussion between the siblings tonight. I might be asleep though. I’ll likely be sleep-texting or something 21st century like that.

I was off work today and most of the goings on were wrapped up before noon. That means I had a lot of time to mess around with 50/90. I got some work done, but not as much as I should have. The whole no-sleep thing held me back a little, I think.

I’m sure there are other things I would normally write about at this point, but I think I am going to wrap it up and put my computer away. Jen and I are going to have a simple dinner tonight. I miss her like crazy after being away for 24 hours. I wanna go home. I wanna see her. I need to give my sweetie a hug (or two).

Right then, clicking Publish now. Until next time….

Example

Dad wanted some leftovers for lunch. He and mom were looking in the fridge but couldn’t find it.

Rob: Someone might have thrown it out.
Mom: What?
Rob: (louder) Someone might have thrown it out.
Mom: Someone might have thrown it out.
Dad: What?
Mom: (louder) Someone might have thrown it out.
Dad: I know.
Rob: (pulls a little more hair out of his head)

Upstairs

The Big Dipper masterpiece, “Ron Klaus Wrecked His House” includes the line:

“Brought the outside to the inside.”

Pardon me for paraphrasing, but my cover version that describes the events of today would be:

Brought the upstairs to the downstairs.