RIP Mouse… Jerk

Well that was fun.

I logged into a video conference call at 10:00am. At 10:02am a mouse tried to climb the floor lamp next to my desk. It almost got to the top before falling off. It was equal parts startling and freakin’ adorable.

A mouse. I mean, it is that time of year, right? The weather is getting colder and the critters are looking for warmth. I get it. It’s not surprising.

This mouse was either an arrogant asshole, or supremely stupid. Why? Because when I first saw it I made some noise and moved around. I was on video in a meeting so I couldn’t get up and chase it. I made my very large presence known and that should have scared it off, right? Nope. The little shit hung around. It tried going up the light a few times, and it was running in and out of the pile of stuff in the corner next to the desk, and it came strolling out from under my desk a couple of times. It didn’t get the hint.

When my string of three consecutive video meetings ended I got up and kicked some stuff and made a lot of noise. I had a minute or two where I thought I was in the clear. Then I heard it behind me. It was standing next to my amplifier. Yeah, my Fender ’65 Deluxe Reverb Reissue that costs over a grand. It was curled up next to the power cable. Oh no, you little shit. I got up and it ran. It went under my desk and hid behind my little foot rest. I kicked it… hard. It dashed to the other side of the room. I went after it. Eventually I lost it in the closet. I hoped that would be the end, but somehow knew it would be dumb enough to come back.

I logged onto Lowes’ website and started shopping for mouse traps. I was thinking of capture traps because I don’t want open traps that Patches the Wonder Cat could accidently trip and mangle herself on. That’s when I heard it again. It was next to the amplifier again. I got up, walked over, and kicked it. It smooshed between my foot and the wall.

The end.

Fucking mouse.