I went grocery shopping tonight. I bought a pumpkin. You bet your sweet Halloween ass that I’m carving the shit out of a jack o lantern this year. That’s not what this story is about though.

I put all of the groceries into the trunk of my car. I made sure to put the pumpkin on one side and the eggs on the other. When I got home and popped the trunk I found that the pumpkin had rolled clear across the car and landed smack on the eggs. There was only one casualty of Halloween war. One egg, pumpkin-pulverized.

Rest in peace, my eggie friend. May the angels lead thee to paradise, or whatever passes for paradise to a chicken fetus.

Also, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is a Christmas movie. 100%. Ho Ho Ho.