I am running late this morning and should not take the time to write this post until later when I am caught up with life. I have an answer for this one though. Not a sarcastic bird flip of an answer, an actual honest answer and I want to get it down before I do anything else.
I am huge. I used to be super tall and incredibly fat. Then I had my stomach ripped to shreds by a professional and now I am super tall and a less death defying weight. I’m still huge though. I have always been huge. Even when I was a tiny person. I was always taller than almost all of the kids my age (though I was never the tallest in my class) and I was always wider than almost all of the kids my age. It was noticeable by all, and many a person commented on it, thinking they were being clever and conversational when they were in fact being complete fucking assholes.
But I digress.
My mother was often asked by strangers what she fed me to make me so big. Hey strangers… fuck you. My mother had a standard answer: Peanut Butter. Let’s face it, dear readers, I loved me some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Like… I loved them. I was such a big fan that you could probably make an argument that peanut butter was literally (and by literally I clearly mean figuratively) my first love, but that would be incredibly gross so let’s not go there.
I still love peanut butter. I really do. I have not had it since the gastric bypass surgery. It’s not something that I cannot eat. It doesn’t have any of the things that mess me up when I eat them. I’m still a little scared of how I would react to it though. I am afraid the sticky nature of peanut butter would cause it to get hung up getting into my new stomach pouch thing and it would trigger a bad case of The Foamies. One of these days I will try and and see how it goes, but I am a little gun shy about it so I won’t be trying it today.
The result of all of this though, is that when I do eat peanut butter it definitely makes me feel like a kid. It makes me feel like a kid who is ashamed of himself to the point of self loathing because some random fucking stranger in some random department store thinks I am so fat and disgusting that they have to comment on it. Hey strangers in the random department stores… Fuck You.
I have spoken.
Inside the Red Head's Head 