Jen and I spent the night in mom’s hospital room. We both slept a little but not too much. There was no real change in mom’s condition other than she actually seems to have fallen asleep, and that has slowed down her breathing rate.
My sister is planning on getting here around 8:00. We will go home when she gets here, check in briefly with work, check on our pair of cats who don’t like each other very much, and then sleep for a while before heading back to the hospital.
My mother went to the emergency room on Tuesday morning because the staff at her nursing home felt she was behaving oddly. After a few hours they came back with a surprising and alarming diagnosis, pneumonia. She was admitted on Tuesday morning.
On Thursday night my father and brother were talking and my father said what we were all thinking. Enough. It’s time to start looking at this from a quality of life standpoint and think that we need to just do what we can to make her comfortable. They started talking about hospice care. On Friday morning I went over to my father’s place and we continued the conversation. We’re all on the same page. It’s time to start looking into hospice.
My brother is my mother’s healthcare proxy so he tried getting the ball rolling with the hospital. I was taking my turn staying with my mother and I tried to do what little I could to get the case manager and my brother on the phone with each other. It worked, but it sort of didn’t matter. After they talked, the doctor called him and blew what little planning we had in place to bits and pieces. The pneumonia was likely the result of her being unable to swallow food anymore. They took her off solid food and oral medications. He didn’t say that this was it, but he hinted strongly that this was it. He didn’t tell us to get to the hospital immediately, but he did say he was arranging for a priest to give the last rights.
Obviously we all raced to the hospital. We all broke down and came unglued and balled our eyes out as the reality of the situation hit us. We have no idea how much time she has left, but it isn’t much. Her nurse at the time suggested CMO care, which stands for Comfort Measures Only. Sort of like hospice on steroids, maybe? We agreed to that, while still waiting on the hospice evaluation which was planned tentatively for today, Saturday. She was moved to a private room so that we wouldn’t have to worry about a roommate. We don’t want her to be alone at the end. Her mother was terrified of that when her time came and we want to avoid it for her too. My sister stayed until a little before 5:00am, then my brother took a shift, and then I came on at noon. Jen was with me last night and she came with me today. There were a lot of family visitors too and we were only alone with her for a short time.
At this point she is on a couple of medications that she’s taking IV, but that’s it. Her breathing is difficult but keeping her comfortable is the goal. We don’t know what’s coming next, but we’re preparing ourselves for anything at this point.
And that is what is going on. Jen and I are home to get some dinner but will be going back soon. I am going to try to bring my father back tomorrow. My sister in law got him there today. I want him to get as much time with her as possible.
This is completely awful.
We are not at the end yet, but we are probably down to the last days. It’s heartbreaking.
When I woke up this morning I knew it was going to be a tough day. I didn’t think the catholic kid I used to be long ago would see the last rites performed for the first time ever.
What a massively suck day today has been.
Things at the hospital are starting to move faster and faster and we still really don’t know anything. It’s all somehow scary and sad at the same time. I don’t know what to do or feel or anything. I’m glad that I’m here though. Dad and Lisa and John will be here soon, but we still don’t have any actual facts.
I’m at the hospital with my mother. Every time I see her like this it’s terrible and every time is worse than the time before.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Between me feeling sick for a few days and my mother going into the hospital with pneumonia and me dropping the ball on something at work for which I will never forgive myself and our new cat being very anti-social, it’s been a pretty crappy week. It’s only Thursday so you’d think there would be time to straighten everything out and salvage the week, but we’re going to a wake for a 20-something year old on Saturday and that is not exactly a day brightener, you know? We are picking up our new cat’s four month old kitten this weekend so hopefully that will lighten the mood a little. The cats were named Disco and Boogie but we are changing them to Robin (or Robin Sparkles) and Lily after two characters on How I Met Your Mother. Robin is mom and Lily is kitten, even though Robin and Lily were not related on the show. Give me a break, okay? It’s better than Disco and Boogie. I mean, I don’t want a kitten named for a synonym for snot.
I’m not sure what the issue was that made me feel sick. It was definitely stomach related, but it was different than the usual post-surgery stomach problems. I wonder if it just had to do with my eating schedule going down the crapper starting on Saturday and not clearing up until Wednesday. I had two stomach problems on Wednesday but they were the usual you-ate-too-fast-and-your-stomach-couldn’t-handle-it problems. Not a stomach ache that gets worse when you’re standing or laying down and gets better when you are sitting up straight. Yeah, I don’t get it. Hopefully that goes away and stays away.
My mother will be in the hospital into the weekend at least. They are giving her antibiotics for pneumonia and a UTI. On her second night they found that she was a little anemic but as of yesterday they haven’t figured out why yet. It’s all really scary and stressful, but we know she’s in good hands. We just need to put our faith in the hospital. I’m still worried though. My brother spent the day with her yesterday, and my sister will visit her today. I’ll be going back tomorrow. After that, I don’t know. There’s a chance she could be going back to the nursing home on Saturday. I don’t know how good of a chance, but there is a chance.
As for the cat, the two year old cat I mean, Robin Sparkles, she spent the first few days hiding, but she’s starting to do a little exploring now. She was very friendly to me for a while, but now she seems scared to death of me. I don’t know why, but I hope she gets over it. She’s more friendly to Jen, but still not too friendly. I want to give her a month or so to adjust before I pass judgement on her behavior. I’m curious to see how she behaves when the kitten gets here (on Sunday… or maybe Saturday if the stars align). When we first met them at the shelter, the kitten was the friendliest feline I’ve ever seen. Here’s hoping that hasn’t changed in the intervening week.
Okay, it’s 9:00am. Time to get to work. May your Thursday go better than my Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have gone. Thumbs up, brothers and sisters.
Well this one is going to be weird.
I’ve been sick for about three days. I haven’t been eating on a regular schedule, I haven’t been hitting all of my goals, I had two days without exercise, and I even missed my two doses of calcium yesterday. I woke up feeling okay this morning, which was a really nice change, and I expected to be down a little but I wasn’t hoping for much.
Way to read the room, Robert.
I was down A TON.
Last Wednesday’s weigh in was 235 pounds. Today was 227.8 pounds. A one week loss of 7.2 pounds. That is absurd. Utterly ridiculous. I expect to be up next week because 7.2 pounds is not normal or sustainable or good.
It is, from the tunnel vision point of view of weight loss, awesome though. Not because it’s a good thing, but because IT PUT ME OVER 200 POUNDS SINCE THE SURGERY! 203.6 pounds to be exact. YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!
Hitting 200 pounds since the first check in was amazing. Hitting 200 pounds since the surgery is so much better. I don’t know why that is, but it is. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one. TWO HUNDRED POUNDS SINCE SURGERY, BABIE!
So the 10’s column changed for my current weight, the hundreds column changed for loss since surgery, the 10’s column changed for total since first appointment, it’s now 224.2 pounds, and the BMI dropped almost a full point, from 28.6 to 27.7.
I mean… holy shit, boys and girls! Two hundred pounds in 38 weeks. I never even dreamed of this. Two hundred freakin’ pounds!
Well, the new cat is back under the vanity. Jen tried to coax her out of the bedroom and she got spooked by a noise from the dishwasher and back to the vanity she went. I am about to go and sit with her and try and get a response. I think we just need to be patient, that’s all. She’s a good kitty but she needs time to adjust. Poor little thing.
I took my father to see my mother today. It was rough. She was completely unresponsive. He held her hand for a while but she didn’t stir, not even a little. It’s heartbreaking and gut wrenching. I miss my mom.
I haven’t done any work today. I will, but I just can’t dredge up the motivation to get anything done. My stomach is bothering me. Sometimes when I feel this way having some food straightens me out for a while, but that doesn’t seem to be working right now. Crud. Also, it’s starting to snow.
Crud.
It’s 7:13am on a Sunday morning in January. What’s going on?
Tons. I’m going to have a busy day, I think.
My exercise is done for the day, as well as over 60% of my calorie goal. Nice. I am going to visit my father today and take him to visit my mother. I’m not going to have a ton of time to spend visiting though. I have to work today. I have a ton of paperwork to do that should have been done over the last week but got pushed aside due to some super hot customer issues. I’ll get as much of it done today as possible and get to the rest of it tomorrow. I’ll have it all done on time, but it’s going to make today suck a little.
What about the new cat? She started under the bed. We took one of the little covered cat bed/house things we got for Patches last year and put it into the bedroom. We also brought the cat tree we got for the cellar remodel and put that in the bedroom too. We sat in the room with her for a while but eventually just left her alone. Jen snuck back in to check on her and found her sitting in the cat bed/house. She called to me to come and see and when I called back the cat got spooked and ran into the bathroom and hid under the vanity. Sorry, kitty. She stayed there for hours, even when we left her alone again.
When we started getting ready for bed she was in the bed/house thing again. She stayed there the whole time. We thought that was an improvement. Around 2:30am Jen got up for something and managed to coax her out. She was purring like a porche and rubbing against our legs and just being super friendly. We got her to jump up onto the bed so we could pet the crap out of her. She seemed to love it. When we tried to lay down though she jumped off and tried to hide behind the cat tree. After a minute or so she ran out of the room and down the hall. I found her in the other bathroom crouching behind the door. When I moved the door a little she ran back to the bedroom and went back into the bed/house.
While she was walking around in the middle of the night, Jen was able to show her where the food and water and litter box are. We had all of it in the bedroom because we wanted them close so she could find them if she needed them. I am a little worried because I don’t see any signs that she’s eaten anything yet. We had dry food and lots of treats and we put them out for her, but I also went to a pet store to buy some toys (Patches didn’t really go for cat toys so we didn’t have any) and some wet food. I am going to put some of the wet food out this morning and see if she goes for it. We were told that she had surgery on Friday (she was spayed) so she might not have an appetite as she recovers. I just want to give her all the options we can though.
What else is going on? Music. Have I played the guitar at all this weekend? No, no I haven’t. Asshole. I am starting to think about recording ideas for RPM, even if I haven’t had a single musical thought. I am considering going with two amps at a time again. I have my Fender Deluxe Reverb here so that amp is going to be used like crazy. I might bring out my Fender Bassbreaker 18/30 and use it and the Deluxe Reverb together through the AB/Y splitter. It’s going to be pretty loud down here if I go this route, so I might try it to start with and then change my mind. The amps will be in a corner of the cellar that is as far away from the living room as I can get, and it’s reasonably far away from Jen’s office so hopefully it will be okay. If I bother her at all though, I’ll turn off the 18/30 and just go with the Deluxe. I have a speaker soak for the Deluxe so I can turn up the volume knob without getting obscenely loud. As for the guitar I want to use, it will be the Les Paul Standard again. I freakin’ adore that guitar. I will wait until either next weekend or the actual start of February before I put new strings on the guitar, but I really need to play at least a little bit every day to try and get my fingers into something that resembles playing shape.
Okay, I think that’s the gist of today. It’s time to start waking up for real and get something to eat. Happy Sunday, folks!
Inside the Red Head's Head 