Tag: gore

Bite

Sonofabitch.

Yesterday, while eating lunch, I bit my lip. It swelled up like you wouldn’t believe. It hurt like a bastard. It took all night for most of the swelling to go down. It was still sore this morning.

Wouldn’t you know it, I bit my lip again during lunch today. It was exactly the same spot. All the swelling is back. All the pain is back. Two pints of blood are gone. I’m feeling really lucky that I brought some paper towels with me today because I needed them to mop up the gore.

Stop doing that, asshole.

Gore

Last Friday I burned my hand on one of the racks in the oven. I posted a picture. That night the burn blistered over. It wasn’t too gross, just a little unpleasant to look at. Jen said to me, “don’t pop that blister.” and I said in return, “no, I won’t pop that blister.”*

The next morning the shower had other plans. I took the band aide off, got into the shower, and next thing I knew the water had ripped that blister right off. Well that’s too bad. It looked pretty grody after that. I tried to keep it covered but somedays the band aides just wouldn’t stick. Yesterday was one of those days.

When I woke up today it had blistered over again. Finally. Heel, you sucker! Then I took a shower. Once again the water pressure ripped it off. Once again I didn’t see it happen. This time though… I looked down at my hand and it was covered with blood**.

I cleaned it up. Reverted to Boy Scout training and applied direct pressure until the bleeding stopped. I put some medicinal goop on it and got a new band aide to stick. All is well now.

Come on, you stupid injury. Scab over and heel, ya creep.

*Those may not be exact quotes. I tried to capture the spirit of the thing.***

**When I say covered in blood, that’s probably an exaggeration based on the fast approaching end of September and the imminent start of the month long Halloween season. Halloween is getting all like Christmas these days. Every year it starts earlier. HoHoBooHo.

***That is a direct quote. Dickie Dun, sports journalist covering the Charlestown Chiefs in the movie Slapshot.****

****Yes, I did put footnotes into my footnotes.

Bloody Nostalgia

How’s that for a provocative title?

Get ready to be let down.

It’s funny what stays with you.

I had acne when I was in high school so out of fear of cutting my face to ribbons I bought an electric razor. I did know how to shave for real though. My father taught me how. I don’t remember anything he said to me that day, but I clearly remember that my Uncle Johnny (Dad’s brother) was there and he made one shaving suggestion. He said to be careful when you shave above your lip because if you cut yourself right under your nose you will bleed like crazy and it just won’t stop.

Like I said, I don’t know why I remember that comment from my uncle so clearly, but guess what I thought of this morning while shaving… just as I cut myself under my nose.

Gore, babie. Uncle Johnny called it.

More Gore

Last night I cut myself while chopping vegetables.  This morning I cut my chin while shaving.  Both incidents combined resulted in about 3 gallons of blood loss*.  It’s been an ugly couple of days at my house.  I expect that I will make a full recovery, but I am still worried about one thing…

…I think the cat can smell blood.  She was looking at me funny this morning, almost as if she suddenly saw me as a walking lunch menu.  I think I am in trouble.

 

*When I say 3 gallons of blood loss, I really mean that there was probably enough blood to almost fill a really small eye dropper.  Almost.