Tag: empty nest

Pre Game

Is everyone psyched up for the Bruins game #2 with the Islanders tonight? The NHL iOS app says that game time is 7:30pm so… 7:50ish maybe? I’m not sure how much, if any, of the game I’m going to be able to catch tonight, but guaranteed I’ll be keeping an eye on things.

I’m wearing one of my Bruins t-shirts. I wore it on the last two game days (yes, I washed it, sheesh) and they won both games. I’m not sure if that qualifies it as a “good luck shirt” but I ain’t taking any chances. I also haven’t shaved since before game five of the first round series. I don’t know if the idea of a playoff beard being good luck extends beyond the locker room, but why take the chance? Granted, there is no way in hell that I’ll keep the fascial hair as far out as game three. It’s doubtful that I’ll shave first thing in the morning tomorrow, but it’s also very likely that I will shave at some point tomorrow. The itchy… it’s just starting to drive me nuts. I’ll fight the urge tonight, purely in the interest of hanging on to the home ice advantage, but after that the team is very much on its own.

The plan tonight is to get out of Mom’s and get home as fast as humanly possible, thought I may not have enough gas to get there. We’ll have to see. Then once I am home we spark up the grill and sneak a Memorial Day cookout in at the last minute. Sunset is 8:15 and I don’t think it’s raining anymore. After that it’s time to start loading up the Mazda for the drive up and over to Vermont tomorrow. Tentatively, Jen will go up with Bellana in Bellana’s car, and I will follow by myself. Once we’re up there and the car is unloaded, we’ll head over to Target (the nearest big store) and pick up some last minute apartment supplies. When that’s all set Jen and I will head home together and I will see my depression level increase from “alarmingly depressed” to “fuck it, I’m not getting out of bed depressed.”

Go back to all of my posts from August 2019. Bellana going away to college messed me up. This is effectively the same scenario, but for some reason it is soooo much worse this time. I think part of it is just the word “apartment.” It’s an “apartment” instead of a “dorm room” and that makes a world of difference. The other part is that August 2019 will be literally repeated in August 2021 when Harry goes away to school. That’s not a partially empty nest, that’s the full boat.

Don’t get me wrong, I am prouder of both of them than I could ever express. I love them so much. I can’t imagine any parent loving their kids as much as I love my step kids, mostly because I love them so much I feel like I could explode and I can’t fathom someone actually surviving while feeling something more than that. I want the best for them, I want them to have it all, I want them to succeed, I want them to have the time of their lives in the prime of their lives. There’s just a part of me that selfishly wants them to stay home with us forever, that’s all.

Okay, calm down. It’s going to be okay, Rob. It’s going to be all right. Let’s just distract ourselves from the near future by watching the Red Sox. They are losing 4-0 to the Astros. Hey look, both teams that cheated their way to a recent world series are playing each other. Hardy har har. If the Red Sox lose today, does that mean that cosmically there is space available for the Bruins to win? The universe is so screwy.

Nana Sitting – One Day Early

Tomorrow night was supposed to be my next Nana Sitting night, but my brother and I swapped so I could go to Vermont on Tuesday and he could go to his daughter’s soccer games near the Cape tomorrow. I got here about 6:40 and my mother was asleep. My sister woke her up to say goodbye and she immediately fell back to sleep. She woke up as I was walking into her room to give her the 8:00pm meds. She’s heating up some leftovers for dinner now. I have a feeling it’s going to be a late night, but hopefully it’s a late night with manageable pain levels. Fingers crossed.

I watched the third period of the Lightning/Hurricanes game. As expected, Tampa Bay won. The Avalanche/Golden Knights game just started and the Avs are already up 1-0. As expected.

We had a very nice low key anniversary today. We went to a bakery in Windham that the kids clued us in to and picked up our anniversary cake. Then we just went for a drive. It was lovely. It dawned on me that as I am now 50 years old, driving around to nowhere on a Sunday morning officially makes me a “Sunday Driver”. I joked about trying to find a Bennigans or a Waffle House and Jen joked back that we should go to Cracker Barrel. Getting old sucks, but if you can’t crack wise at your own expense, what good is it?

The Avalanche just scored again. 2-0, halfway through the first.

When we got home the kids came over for an hour or so. We ate the fantastic cake and just spent some quality family time. It was awesome. Unfortunately, I think that’s the last time the four of us will be together before Bellana moves into her apartment in Vermont. We’ll see her tomorrow, but Harry won’t be there. If I stop and think about that, it’s painful. Instead I am choosing not to think about it. I’m choosing to focus on today.

Now I’m here at my mother’s house and I am missing my bride like crazy.

I love you, Jen.

Clear That Cache

Addendum to the previous post. I cleared the cache in Vivaldi as well as cookies and a few other pieces of data and now I can write posts again! It’s such a gift. If I were half the analyst I claim to be, I would have done that first because… duh. Of course it was cache. Sign out and sign back in? What are you, an idiot? Clearly it was a little piece of corrupt data lying around.

Change of subject, we have reached the point where we are planning how to pack up the cars to drive to Vermont to help my step daughter move into her apartment. I am so happy for her and I am so sad for me and Jen. The conflicting feelings are really tough to deal with. I’m trying to look outward though and just be happy and excited for Bellana. She’s amazing and this is just one more baby step toward her taking over the world. Well, taking over the world figuratively speaking. I’m not being literal when I say that… or am I?

Okay, back to work, red head!

Sad

My step daughter, Bellana, just left. She’s moving back to school tomorrow. She’s staying at her dad’s tonight but she came here today to pack up a few last minute things. We aren’t going to see her until Thanksgiving, assuming Covid-19 doesn’t blow up all of the University’s scheduled plans.

I’m sad.

I’m thrilled for her, but I’m sad for me. Does that make sense? Does every step dad feel this way when their step kids leave for college? Probably. I hope she has a great time. I hope Covid-19 leaves her alone. I hope she learns everything there is to learn.