Clear Your Schedule for August 1st

The NHL is coming back. Play returns on August 1st. All teams qualifying for the play offs, including teams that will play in the extra play-in round will be assigned to either Edmonton (the Western Conference teams) or Toronto (the Eastern Conference teams).

It is my great hope that the good people of those two historic Canadien cities are smarter than any of their American cousins and will do what is necessary to keep COVID-19 from decimating the league and putting an end to play once again. MLB and the NBA are also expected to come back before the end of the summer, but they are going to be playing in the USA, which means everyone is going to get sick and many of them are going to die… because Americans are too fucking stupid to wear masks and not go to bars.

Please, good people of Edmonton and Toronto… help a brother out. I needs me some hockey.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that the labor (labour) agreement the league and the players just ratified includes sending NHL players to the next two Winter Olympics? Well, assuming we ever have Winter Olympics again.

This is all good news. It could all go horribly wrong if COVID-19 gets it’s way, but for now I am going to believe that this is good news.

August 1st. Be there or be a knob, you hosehead.

HOCKEY!

COVID-19 Numbers

Here’s what I have for today:

  • Massachusetts
    • Total Cases: 111,110
    • Deaths: 8,296
    • Death Rate: 7.47%
  • United States
    • Total Cases: 3,158,183 (up 69,270 since yesterday)
    • Deaths: 133,777
    • Death Rate: 4.24%

I never intended to post numbers on consecutive days, but Jen clued me in to a missing piece of info in the Massachusetts COVID-19 dashboard. I mentioned that we stopped counting presumed cases. I was slightly wrong. We didn’t stop counting, we just stopped adding them into the total in the summary. She found the spot on the daily post where they list the presumed numbers, so from now on I am going to add them back in on my spreadsheet. The Johns Hopkins page I use for national numbers was already re-adding those cases in for Massachusetts, so now my numbers reflect that site more accurately.

Just shy of 70,000 cases in the US in the last 24 hours. Yeah, let’s all go out to eat. Fucking psychopaths.

COVID-19 Numbers

Here’s what I have for today:

  • Massachusetts
    • Total Cases: 105,138
    • Deaths: 8,053
    • Death Rate: 7.66%
  • United States
    • Total Cases: 3,088,913
    • Deaths: 132,934
    • Death Rate: 4.30%

Methuen hasn’t given updated numbers since June 30th. I am disappointed in my city. A month or so ago Massachusetts had a huge spike in cases and deaths. Turns out they had changed the way they were counting and had started including presumptive cases along with the confirmed cases. Last week they did they opposite. The infection count dropped by over 5000 as they stopped counting the presumptive cases.

The US has topped three million cases. We are a plague pit. We are a joke. We are the laughing stock of the international community, and we totally deserve it. Wear a fucking mask, you prick.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 53

Two stir crazy posts in one day?

It’s lunch time. I’m looking in the fridge. There’s a package of hot dogs. I could go for a hot dog for lunch. Do we have any hot dog rolls?

We do have some hot dog rolls, but they’ve been on the shelf for a while. Are they still good? I inspected them through the bag and I didn’t see any mold. I think they are still good! Hot dogs for lunch, it is!

I cooked the hot dogs. When I opened the bag full of rolls I saw a little spec of mold that I missed. Crud. It’s just one though, there are other rolls that still look okay.

Or do they?

Next time you inspect an older package of bread, make sure you look between the pieces, not just around the edges. Holy science experiment, Batman!

Denied.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 51

This one can be subtitled: M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Or, it can be subtitled: Mouse Day.

Or, alternative to the alternative, it could be subtitled: Ewww, Gross!

Jen and I both took vacation days today. At first the plan was for me to do music and her to do… work. I know, it doesn’t seem logical, but when you’re as high up on the management food chain as she is, sometimes telling people you’re on vacation is the best way to get a lot of work done.

That plan didn’t last long though. As I was finishing up the mix on the song in the previous post, Jen asked if we could just take a drive to get out of the house. That sounded like a great idea to me so we loaded up the car with face masks and rubber gloves and hand sanitizer and off we went.

Something in the Kia smelled funny. I smelled it last week when I was doing car music, but despite the gigantic honker on the end of my face, my sense of smell is pretty wimpy. I smelled something when I got in the car, but by the time I started the engine it was gone.

Jen does not suffer from my weak sense of smell. She’s the opposite. Nothing gets past her. She smells it all. When she got into the car it turned her stomach a little. Something back there smelled bad. I got out and started investigating. I found some old juice boxes in the trunk. Was that it? Probably not. There were some candy wrappers and some empty drink bottles AND A DEAD MOUSE!

Yup, that was the problem. A little dead mouse in the back seat, passenger side foot well. Just lying there all dead like. I removed the poor bastard and gave him a proper burial. After that the smell was gone. I didn’t actually touch the corpse but let’s just say that a significant chunk of that little bottle of hand sanitizer was put to emphatic use.

The question everyone is asking now is, why does this rate as a stir crazy file?

Simple. The reason that mouse was allowed to somehow crawl into the back seat of our car and die is because we never use the cars anymore. Well, let’s say rarely instead of never. There’s no way this would have happened if we were driving to work and back each day. Mickey wouldn’t have had the time to find a way into the cabin and probably would have been killed by the motor somewhere or other while trying.

So when push comes to shove, COVID-19 killed that mouse. We need to add one to the count for today. Bastard.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 50

I had Friday off last week for the holiday.

My wife took Monday through Wednesday off this week to make the 4th of July into a super long weekend. I couldn’t do it. I had meetings I needed to go to on both Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday though…

I took Wednesday (tomorrow) off.

These two events have confirmed something that I think I knew all along but was trying to avoid acknowledging…..

I need a vacation.

I need to go away.

I need to pack up the Mrs and the Step Kids and go find a mountain or something. I want to go to New York and have an adventure. I want to go into Boston and hear some live music. I want to go to Faneuil Hall and surf through the massive crowd. I wanna ride a god damn duck boat.

I miss everything right now. I miss people. I am a total introvert and I miss people. What the hell?

We’re coming up on Four Months. Four Months.

Please don’t think I’m going into quarantine fatigue. I’m not going to start being stupid like all those fucking meat heads going out to parties and bars and restaurants without wearing god damned masks. I’m not an asshole and I’m not stupid and I don’t have a death wish for myself of for those around me.

I just want to go out.

Fuck.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 49

Today’s stir crazy file actually happened yesterday. Something was said or done or whatever and I thought, that’s episode #49 right there!

10 minutes later I had completely forgotten it.

If that’s not a Stir Crazy File, I don’t know what is.

1.2% on Day #1

Yesterday I posted a little blurb about Major League Baseball coming back. All players were tested for COVID-19 on the report day. We got the results of those tests yesterday. 31 players and 7 staff members are already positive. That’s 1.2% of the reporting players and it’s only day one.

What will the percentage of infections be after a week? After two weeks?

Like I said yesterday, I am really glad to have baseball back. Unfortunately, I know it’s not going to be back for long.

Source

Happy Second First Day of Spring Summer Training

Baseball is back, sort of. Players who agreed to make themselves available for a 60 game season reported to their team’s facilities on July 1st. They were all tested for the coronavirus. They then got yesterday off for some reason which I assume had to do with getting all the testing results. Now today is the first day of the second attempt at Spring Training only it happens during the Summer so it’s not exactly Spring Training anymore, is it.

I’m wearing a Red Sox t-shirt to celebrate.

I think it’s probably a safe bet that 2-3 weeks from now the whole righteous endeavor will come crashing to a halt as about 70% of the players on every team are out sick with COVID-19. I applaud baseball for making something happen and taking their shot, but let’s be real. Once the players start dropping like flies this is all going to come to an inglorious, yet fitting end.

I hope you prove me wrong, MLB, but I don’t think you will.