I filled out the paperwork that I need to drop off at my weight loss surgery check in non-appointment tomorrow. There was a medical history form and a psychological questionnaire.

The psych form had my favorite question. There was a little section on alcohol consumption. Do you drink alcohol? No. Never have, likely never will. Then there were a few questions that assume you answered yes. I just answer no to all of them.

But then…

Do other people ever complain about your drinking, yes or no.

Well that one gave me pause. Obviously no one has ever complained about my drinking, but I have in fact taken truck loads of shit over my not drinking. I have taken so much shit, you wouldn’t think the world could hold that much shit. I should answer yes just out of spite!

I answered no.

And Again

I don’t drink. I’m 50 years old and I’ve not only never been drunk, I don’t think I’ve ever even had a whole drink, and if I have then I definitely never had a second drink.

I am going to start. I am going to bring as much booze as I can carry to my parents house and just get shit faced every time I am here.

What. The. Fuck.