Category: Generic

Leaf Peeping

The weather forecast was kinda crummy today but the reality isn’t too terrible. Jen and I are going to give leaf peeping a shot. That will let us go out in the world while still being paranoid about spreading any last vestiges of the Covid… even though that is literally not a thing.

I have my Nikons in the camera bag. The Z5 mirrorless with the new 28mm lens, and the FG-20 film camera with the 35-70mm zoom. I even turned on the SnapBridge app connection so that I can possibly post Z5 shots to the blog while we’re out. There was only one shot on the memory card and it crossed to my phone and it’s Robin, of course.

Lets see how it goes today. Fingers crossed for some cool views and decent shots.

Possessions

Daily writing prompt
What would you do if you lost all your possessions?
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Possessions are fun and all but they are just stuff and stuff can be replaced.

The rebuild would need to start with a home to live in, including some basic furnishings, and a car to get around in, specifically to the office and back. I need a computer and a phone for work so those would come next. After that I would need mental health items. Specifically a guitar and an amplifier with a cable to connect them, and a digital camera with a memory card.

In other words, if I lost all of my stuff I would just start over and rebuild my collection of stuff. I would not end up with exactly the same stuff, but the stuff that I truly need (professionally, mentally, and personally) would be replaced. It would likely be a painful and slow process, but I’d get there eventually.

Change My Mind

Daily writing prompt
What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?
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Topics about which I’ve changed my mind. Well, off the top of my head there are bunch that I can think of. On closer inspection though, are some of them more as though I convinced myself that something was true only because the reality didn’t appeal to me? I’ll explain along the way.

  • I once believed that I would always be alone, romantically speaking. Jen proved me wrong and changed my mind. I am extremely pleased to have been wrong about this one. My question though is, did I really believe I was going to always be alone or did I just convince myself that was the case because it was safer to believe it than to ponder the reasons behind it? Something like that at least.
  • I once believed that I didn’t want kids. Harry and Bellana changed my mind. I don’t have kids of my own, but if you search through the history of this little personal blog you’ll find a few thousand posts where I mention that I can’t possibly imagine loving kids more than I love my step kids. I have to assume it’s possible, but I feel like to do so would result in your head exploding. Again, I was very happy to have my mind changed on this subject. Also, I may never have truly believed this one but instead convinced myself that it was the case to avoid being hurt by the reality. I don’t know and I don’t care. I am very happy with how things turned out.
  • I used to think that fascism was a historical movement with no connection to current reality. Boy was I wrong about that. Consider my mind changed.
  • I used to think that god might be an actual thing. Those days are over. Mind: changed.
  • I used to think that given the choice between traveling to San Diego or Los Angeles the correct choice would be Los Angeles. Now all I want is to go back to San Diego and then never leave.
  • I used to hate country music with the furious passion of a thousand burning suns. I still do. I’ll never change my mind about that one. That one is fundamental to my being.

There you have it. A few topics upon which I have changed my tiny little mind.

Home Grown Peanuts

I so want to do this next Spring. I’m pretty sure I won’t, but as of right now I really want to. I just need to learn how to protect against the rodent wild kingdom in my yard.

I really want to grow my own peanuts next year. I do, I do.

Imposter Syndrome

Daily writing prompt
Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.
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When have I felt out of place? How does every minute of every day for about 50 years sound to you?

You’ve heard of “imposter syndrome” haven’t you? Let’s ask Google Bard for a short definition:

Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with imposter syndrome incorrectly attribute their success to luck, timing, or deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.

https://bard.google.com/chat/334426d4192b1f8c

There, now that you know the definition of imposter syndrome, welcome to my world. I feel this way about literally everything. Work, play, hobbies, family, friends, literally everything. Know that I am using the word “literally” correctly here, not ironically.

I always feel out of place. I always feel like a fraud. I have no idea why anyone keeps me around for anything. Why am I the only one who sees it? Why am I the only one who sees what a joke I am? I will never, ever understand.